@Edelweiss: This is an excellent reply, because it addresses human nature.
People, when looking for a mate, want a mentally, physically, and emotionally attractive partner. For men and women, that’s how it is. No one wakes up and thinks, “Wow, I’d really prefer an ugly mate with below average intelligence.” It’s in our genes to carry on the species.
But your FI already finds you beautiful, yes? He asked you to marry him! So first, remember that. Out of all the women in the world, this very special man picked YOU.
Second, it is very, very normal to gain weight once someone settles into a stable relationship, so please do not feel like you are slob or unworthy of love. My ex gained 60 pounds when I was with him. I gained 40. I did lose it, but it took a good 8-10 months to do it. And it’s difficult, but doable.
Now, your FI is a very kind and sweet man. A man that loves you is not going to tell you something hurtful about your appearance. He did the RIGHT thing: he tried to incorporate a solution that involved BOTH of you! Both of you working out, eating healthy, etc. Losing weight is much easier when you have someone backing you up, and what better partner than you’re husband?
Edelweiss had great suggestions in her post; I would take advantage of them. Pay special attention to the accountability exercises about desserts, seconds, etc. Little things really make a difference! I cut out soda, sweet tea, etc and I lost 15 lbs. Little changes bring big results! People don’t realize how many calories they drink in a day.
Also, your husband is not wrong, either. Weight issues for women are a painful topic because we constantly face criticism. Marriage is “death to us part,” but men and women also have to remember that human beings are conditional creatures, meaning that we thrive on “give and take” relationships. For instance, when a man goes out of his way to buy his lady flowers, a woman will feel more inclined to have sex (because women are more emotionally motivated when it comes to sexual activity).
The same goes for physical appearance. When one partner takes time to take care of their physical appearance, the other partner typically in turn appreciates this effort through compliments, sex, emotional closeness, etc, and very often, tries to take care of their bodies too for their partner.
However, when a partner stops taking care of themselves, sex becomes less frequent, compliments stop, etc because that “condition” of the relationship isn’t being met. Many times the other partner feels as if their partner doesn’t care to look nice for them, and it hurts their feelings. It creates a cycle of “Well, if they don’t care I won’t care about XYZ” and it perpetuates resentment eventually if not fixed. Of course this can be applied to any condition in a relationship.
Human beings, while spectacular creatures, have a very hard time of grasping the concept of “unconditional” love. We all have needs (or “conditions”) that have to be met, and one of them is, for men and women, is pride in our bodies. Your man still loves you, and will continue to, even when you are pregnant, but it good to realize when you feel like you have reached a level of unhappiness and want to fix it, because most likely it is affecting him too.
Good luck, dear.