Post # 1
I don’t know what to do! My fiance wants to invite his ex-girlfriend and her husband to our wedding. He isn’t truly even friends with her anymore since they haven’t seen eachother in a few years. But he says he doesn’t want to cut anyone out of his life. So, I guess this is part of him doing that…
I can’t decide how I feel about this. Mostly, I want to say NO. She seems like a nice person, but I just worry I’d feel uncomforatable having her there. She and her husband did invite us to their reception when they got married. (They had the wedding out of state, and then did another reception in their hometown. We were invited to the second reception, not the wedding.) So, that also makes me feel sort of obligated to invite them. Thoughts? Please help.
Post # 3
@ColoroftheSky: How long were they together? And how serious was it? And how long ago was it? And is inviting them going to be difficult due to the budget or venue capacity?
Post # 4
WHY? It’s just NOT respectful to you! And I would not have gone to their reception either, it’s an EX and stays in the past!
Post # 5
They were together for about three years. It was very serious (they thought they were going to get married.) But it was over 6 years ago, and you know, she is married now. And, yes, our budget is pretty tight.
Post # 6
@happyface: Yeah! I was really difficult to go that reception…but I was trying to be supportive.
Post # 7
I would NOT invite them. It would be very uncomfortable for me. SO and I don’t have serious exes to invite so it won’t be an issue, but I can only imagine.
Post # 8
I wouldn’t be comfortable with that either.
Post # 9
I would say, just invite them. They had a long term relationship and have stayed friendly, and she is married now. Maybe they won’t even come to the wedding, but it’s the thought that counts. It’s the furthest thing from a threatening situation (not that you said you felt threatened-I guess I just feel it’s not inappropriate for your fiance and her to still have a friendship).
I would say the only argument against inviting them would be budget. Maybe your fiance will agree to put them on the back burner for invites until after you’ve really solidified your guest list? Maybe once you’re 100% done with your list, you can take a look at inviting them.
Post # 10
If they were that serious I wouldn’t invite them. I understand not burning bridges, but I feel like if its a serious relationship, you don’t want to be reminded of it on your wedding day. Its a plus that shes married now, but that doesn’t fix everything. Just tell your Fiance that the budget is really tight and you only want to invite people you talk to frequently. I suspect that when you went to their wedding, your Fiance and her were talking more often, which is why she extended the invitation.
Post # 11
I would say no way!! Someone posted a blog on another thread here yesterday, and there is one line in it that keeps sticking in my head and I think is applicable in your situation. It’s a list of 15 things to do to stay married for 15 years (and longer, I assume):
“11. Do not put yourself in trouble’s way.
Leave your ex boyfriends and girlfriends alone. I’m sure you’re very trustworthy. Aren’t we all? The thing is, there’s absolutely no reason to test it. Your husband and your marriage are more valuable than any friendship. Any friendship that troubles the marriage should be over immediately. Protect it with knives and teeth, not because it’s fragile but because it’s precious.”
Post # 12
@ColoroftheSky: ummm we don’t know the details so it’s hard to say–she invited you to her wedding he may feel obligated to return the favor. It all depends on how serious their relationship was, how long ago it was, and if there is any chance of drama.
Personally, I wouldn’t have a problem inviting her, she’s married now and it isn’t as if they are super close or anything (so she’s prob not hung up on him) they just don’t seem to have hard feelings or anything….
Post # 13
Awkward!! l would be very uncomfortable with that personally and would not allow it.
Post # 14
I could see if they had kids together or something, but otherwise it seems kind of unnecessary.
Post # 15
If it’s going to make you feel uncomfortable having her there, I don’t see how he can insist on it; the answer should simply be no. What’s more important, that you’re comfortable on your own wedding day or that his ex-girlfriend attend the wedding? Just tell your Fiance how you feel and hopefully that will be the end of it. You’re not a bad person for not wanting her there and you can’t help how you feel. Good luck!
Post # 16
@DrRoberta: Ps thanks for posting that link, it’s cracking me up!