Fiance Won't Set Wedding Date and Other Cold Feet Issues

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Lady_Liberty:   Read, and re-read the last sentence you wrote.  You said it all right there.   You aren’t a priority, and he clearly isn’t ready for commitment.  The reasons don’t matter much.  You deserve so much better.  

Post # 4
Member
8593 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Have you talked to him about what kind of wedding he might want?  Some people really don’t want the big expensive wedding (party).  Maybe he would rather have a destination wedding (at least a lot of your $ goes to travel) or elope.  Are you set on a traditional wedding?

The boat thing would really irrirate me though.  It doesn’t seem like he’s making it a priority and you have every right to be upset. 

If you mention eloping or having some other type of inexpensive wedding and he’s still having issues setting a date…I’d be worried he’s not ready to get married or doesn’t want to marry you Frown

Post # 5
Member
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

 I’m sorry you’re having to wonder what is going on. Do you think maybe he proposed to you via Skype just so you wouldn’t break up with him? Did he really order a ring or did he just tell you that? At first it seems like maybe he doesn’t want to commit to something that may cost a lot of money but when you say he decided to buy a boat that just raises a red flag to me. I think that you need to just flat out ask him if he is serious in wanting to marry you. If he is concerned with the cost, offer different options that will be more cost-effective. If he is still unable to set a date or make plans, you should show him the door! 

Post # 6
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Astra:  I agree!  He hasn’t made you a priority and you do deserve better.  Don’t waste your time with someone who won’t commit to you.  I wish you the best!

Post # 7
Member
1548 posts
Bumble bee

@Astra:  +1 I completely agree. Ur last sentence definitely reveals the truth of the matter. For whatever reason he is not ready, hav a convo with him about postponing the wedding and reevaluating his feelings. Something is giving him cold feet and until he deals with them they will continue to b a haunting issue even if u make it to the altar

Post # 9
Member
974 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Astra:  +1

Everyone knows that boats are a money pit. As far as I know they only depreciate in value.

Post # 11
Member
3941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

He won’t reap an investment from the boat.  A person buys a boat for pleasure, not return on investment. 

How about your happiness?  Isn’t that a return of his “investment” ?  

This man will look on life decisions the same way after he is married – to you or to someone else.   

Post # 12
Member
1310 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I think he just proposed to get you back without really thinking or intending to follow through on it.  He’s not ready and you’re not a priority right now. A guy who’s ready to get married does not and should not go out and buy an expensive boat when he knows there’s an e-ring and wedding that requires $$$.  I wouldn’t stick around unless you want to go through the same cycle of nagging and dragging feet.

Post # 13
Member
974 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Lady_Liberty:  I agree. Tell him you don’t want to invest in something you’re not going to reap anything from. Wanting something more than empty promises is not greedy, needy, or materialistic and don’t ever let him tell you otherwise.

Post # 15
Member
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

If he is serious about going away this weekend and getting married just think long and hard about whether or not you really want to marry him. I’m sure you love him and want to but when he is doing things to appease you and saying he has to acclimate to your needs (really?!) then this is something you want to really stop and thing about.

 

I just don’t get him having to acclimate to your needs. If you’re a neat freak and he is the total opposite, I understand that. But as far as ring shopping or picking out a venue, this is something he should be willing to do.

ETA: you’re right, your engagement to him should be fun and exciting for the BOTH of you. and you’re also right, not every single aspect has to be fun and great and laughter because when you’re planning a wedding, there will be disagreements and such. but has he shown any positive emotion regarding your engagement at all? that should say something right there.

Post # 16
Member
3941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Lady_Liberty:   You are SO right – engagements should be happy times – obviously planning details can get a little knotty here and there but on the whole I feel engagement has been a deep bonding experience….  I have never seen my FI so happy!  

 

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