Post # 1
My fiancé’s mother is one of the most manipulative people I have ever met in my life. She’s made a point of going out of her way to tell him how happy she is that as the groom’s mother she doesn’t have to help plan the wedding yet every time I see her she’s bombarding me with ideas and suggestions. The last time I saw her she pulled out a list and proceeded to tell me that certain aspects of the wedding had already been decided.
I could easily ignore her but the issue is my fiancé constantly defends her and talks about her like she’s a saint. She’s been disrespectful to me on a few occasions and he always finds a way to rationalize and defend her actions. When it’s just the two of us my fiancé is a wonderful man but whenever issues arise concerning his family (especially his mom) he always leaves me out to dry.
So in an attempt to avoid all the drama I decided I didn’t want to have a wedding and I wanted us to just marry in a small ceremony together. Well upon hearing this the first thing out of my fiancés mouth was that he wasn’t getting married if he couldn’t do it in front of his family and friends. Am I wrong or does this just further show that his family and not me will always be number one priority. I love my fiancé very much but I don’t want to sign up for a life of always coming second.
Post # 3
HUGE, huge issue that you need to get sorted before marrying. The four key areas are finances, kids, religion, and in-laws… and boy, do you have in-law issues because your FI won’t stand up for you.
No doubt, this would be an issue I would want addressed in pre-marital counseling. Do it sooner, not later. Don’t bring up this specific issue, but tell your FI you’d like to go through some pre-marital counseling just to make sure you’re both doing everything you can to set you up for a lifetime of happiness.
You can check with your church, but also know that regular counselors do pre-marital prep. We went to one for 6 sessions that my FI’s employer (employee assistance program) paid for. The price was reasonable though even if we had to pay for it ourselves.
DEFINITELY get this sorted before moving forward with wedding plans. Your gut feeling is right, if he doesn’t change his perspective, you will feel like second fiddle and that’s not a good place to be.
Post # 4
@NAvery: +1. Definitely needs to be sorted out before you marry him. You don’t want to always be second string to his mother. Obviously, she is an important woman in his life, but YOU should be his number one priority. Not her.
Post # 5
@excitedbride08: I don’t feel it is an either or issue. You will be his wife and they will always be his family. I would be more worried if he was willing to forsake them. Then forsaking you when conveniet would be easy too.
You need to learn to work with or at least deal with his mother. Respect that he came from her and love that he loves her. Give her something to do and brag about. I think in the long run, being willing to be the bigger person will make your life easier.