Post # 1
I really need some advice. My fiancee wants me to wear a veil his mom made with lace his great grandmother made. His sister wore this when she got married. It is very special to him, and at one point early on he asked me if I’d wear it and I said yes and shouldn’t have. Now I’ve seen the veil and i don’t like it. I don’t feel it goes with my dress, its too long, and I just don’t like it. My mom is upset and feels like I am being pushed around. She doesn’t like the veil and feels it looks ratty. I tried to talk to my fiancee about it but he said the veil is so important to him and his feelings will be hurt if I don’t wear it. This whole thing has been so upsetting to me. I feel like there is no way to make everyone happy, especially me.
Post # 3
I feel this is definitely one of those compromise situations. If it were me, I’d wear the veil. If my husband told me something was that important to him, I’d make it a priority. I know he’d wear something passed down if it was very important to me.
Post # 4
Maybe you can come to a compromise and you can wear it for some of the pictures after the ceremony.
Post # 5
@beth2507: Maybe see if you can use the material to have it remade into a shorter veil? Or wear it for the ceremony but change for pics/reception?
Post # 6
@beth2507: do you have a pic of the veil? You could always talk to your fiance, tell him it doesnt match the dress, or even go strait to his mom and let her know, maybe compromize by using the lace from the veil and have one custom made?
Post # 7
do your portraits without it, pop it on for the ceremony, and then take it off again.
Post # 8
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@beth2507: Why does your FI care so much about a veil?! I would personally suck it up and wear it for the ceremony then take it off for the rest of the night. If anyone questions it tell them you’re worried something will happen to it given it’s length.
Post # 9
I think you should wear it. I think your FI’s feelings should trump your personal asthetic. Besides, when you look back on your pictures are you going to think about how the veil didn’t look the way you wanted or about the significance behind the veil.
Plus you only have to wear the veil for the ceremony and a few pictures.
Post # 10
I would wear it, maybe you can modify it so it fits your vision more.
Also getting it cleaned will help.
Post # 11
How would your fiance feel if your family had an heirloom tux jacket or something and he hated it? That’s the way I would phrase this situation to him.
Post # 12
Would they allow you to have it altered so it is shorter and works better with your dress? This sounds very important to your FI, so I think you should find a way to encorporate it. If you don’t want to wear it for the ceremony, could you wear it for a few pictures? Or vice versa?
Post # 13
Maybe you should put it on for a few pictures for his family, but use a different veil for the rest of the day? Or perhaps incorporate it into the decoration (some kind of family tribute table?) but wear something else? There are definitely compromises that should make everyone happy.
Post # 14
You already said “yes” to wearing the veil, and he’s already told you it will hurt his feelings if you don’t wear it. How would you feel if he broke a similar promise to you? This is his wedding, too, and this sounds like something important to him.
It’s just a veil.
It will be on your head a grand total of two hours, and that two hours might make all the difference in your relationship with your in-laws… your FMIL made it herself, with lace made by her family, and has very kindly offered it to you to wear – just like she offered it to her own daughter. In my eyes, that is a huge “welcome to our family” gesture that most MIL’s do not offer their son’s fiance/wife.
Weddings are a celebration of two families coming together… not really the time to start a fight over an article of clothing you’ll never wear again.
If you dislike it so much, then wear it for your ceremony & some of your family photos, then take it off after.
Post # 15
Tell your fiancé your dad had a special pair of boxers he wore and wants him to wear and it means so much to your dad. I get your fiancé would balk at the request, it is the same thing, a veil is intimate and you should not cave into the pressure, you will just feel resentment and anger when you look back at pictures. Can you turn the lace into a hanky or garter or pocket square for your fiancé? If its so important to him, he should use it.
Post # 16
I would wear it as low as possible (under your updo, if you’re having one), no blusher, and you can even leave it on for formal photos because it will be behind your head and you won’t be able to see it, anyway!