Fiancee and his mom want me to wear passed down veil

posted 3 years ago in Traditions
Post # 3
Member
8706 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I feel this is definitely one of those compromise situations. If it were me, I’d wear the veil. If my husband told me something was that important to him, I’d make it a priority. I know he’d wear something passed down if it was very important to me.

Post # 4
Member
3693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Maybe you can come to a compromise and you can wear it for some of the pictures after the ceremony.

Post # 5
Member
603 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@beth2507:  Maybe see if you can use the material to have it remade into a shorter veil? Or wear it for the ceremony but change for pics/reception?

Post # 6
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@beth2507:  do you have a pic of the veil?  You could always talk to your fiance, tell him it doesnt match the dress, or even go strait to his mom and let her know, maybe compromize by using the lace from the veil and have one custom made?

Post # 7
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

do your portraits without it, pop it on for the ceremony, and then take it off again.

Post # 8
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@beth2507:  Why does your FI care so much about a veil?!  I would personally suck it up and wear it for the ceremony then take it off for the rest of the night.  If anyone questions it tell them you’re worried something will happen to it given it’s length.

Post # 9
Member
2642 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think you should wear it.  I think your FI’s feelings should trump your personal asthetic.  Besides, when you look back on your pictures are you going to think about how the veil didn’t look the way you wanted or about the significance behind the veil. 

Plus you only have to wear the veil for the ceremony and a few pictures.

Post # 10
Member
1500 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@MrsSmith13:  +1

I would wear it, maybe you can modify it so it fits your vision more.

Also getting it cleaned will help.

Post # 11
Member
3693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

How would your fiance feel if your family had an heirloom tux jacket or something and he hated it? That’s the way I would phrase this situation to him.

Post # 12
Member
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Would they allow you to have it altered so it is shorter and works better with your dress?  This sounds very important to your FI, so I think you should find a way to encorporate it.  If you don’t want to wear it for the ceremony, could you wear it for a few pictures?  Or vice versa?

 

Post # 13
Member
511 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Maybe you should put it on for a few pictures for his family, but use a different veil for the rest of the day? Or perhaps incorporate it into the decoration (some kind of family tribute table?) but wear something else? There are definitely compromises that should make everyone happy.

Post # 14
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

You already said “yes” to wearing the veil, and he’s already told you it will hurt his feelings if you don’t wear it. How would you feel if he broke a similar promise to you? This is his wedding, too, and this sounds like something important to him.

It’s just a veil.
It will be on your head a grand total of two hours, and that two hours might make all the difference in your relationship with your in-laws… your FMIL made it herself, with lace made by her family, and has very kindly offered it to you to wear – just like she offered it to her own daughter. In my eyes, that is a huge “welcome to our family” gesture that most MIL’s do not offer their son’s fiance/wife.

Weddings are a celebration of two families coming together… not really the time to start a fight over an article of clothing you’ll never wear again.
If you dislike it so much, then wear it for your ceremony & some of your family photos, then take it off after.

Post # 15
Member
547 posts
Busy bee

Tell your fiancé your dad had a special pair of boxers he wore and wants him to wear and it means so much to your dad. I get your fiancé would balk at the request, it is the same thing, a veil is intimate and you should not cave into the pressure, you will just feel resentment and anger when you look back at pictures. Can you turn the lace into a hanky or garter or pocket square for your fiancé? If its so important to him, he should use it.

Post # 16
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would wear it as low as possible (under your updo, if you’re having one), no blusher, and you can even leave it on for formal photos because it will be behind your head and you won’t be able to see it, anyway!

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