Post # 1
…So my fiancee and I are planning our wedding in Orlando, Florida. We currently reside in California, but I am from Orlando. So, we budgeted for 150-180 people. The thing is that he wants to invite > 200 people FROM HIS FAMILY ALONE! Crazy, I know!
He says that he “knows his family” and that they won’t travel all the way to Florida for the wedding. He just wants everyone to feel that they are being treated equally and doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings (he claims that “this is just how his family is…” my family is the same way, but hey – i have made sacrifices).
He’s even said that if he can’t invite ALL of his extended family, then he will just invite his immediate family and that’s that. (OMG, I know)
My invite list has been cut back and cut back b/c I know that my family will travel anywhere to see me get married… And I don’t want to overcommit ourselves by inviting more people than we can afford. He seems to think it’s fine for him to invite significantly more people than me (twice as many, maybe more?) because, in his eyes, they won’t be coming.
I still think it’s risky. I mean, what if they ALL decide to show up? The wedding is on a long holiday weekend…
ANYONE HAVE AN EXPERIENCE LIKE THIS? HOW’S IT GOING/HOW DID IT WORK OUT/WHAT DID YOU DO?
We argue about this intensely every single time we talk about it. And I can’t stand to go through that anymore.
Post # 3
@lagemmapreziosa: I think he is being pretty selfish. If you have enough people that you WANT to invite, I say you should be entitled to half of the guest list, and when you run out of “must haves” you can fill in those extra spaces with whoever the both of you choose. I would not invite people in hopes that they won’t come, at least not a significant number. Even half of them decline, that’s still ALOT of people.
Post # 4
My Fiance did pretty much the exact same thing. Though he has nearly no family, he has absolutely TONS of friends, from all over the world – far more than I do. He also wants to invite a large group of people that were “with him as he grew up” whenever he visited America…. after much frustration, I have allowed it and am okay with it now. But even with everyone invited, we only have about 250 people invited, and maybe 100 will actually show up. I’m not sure about in your situation.. it seems like you will have around 300+ people?? Is he really sure they wont show up? Think about the invitations as well – that is a ton of money for invites alone.
Post # 6
This is really funny because my husband said almost that exact thing! He wanted to invite a bunch of his old friends that he grew up with even though he doesn’t hang out with them anymore. It was annoying because our wedding cost about $60 per head and we couldn’t really afford to pay for all of those people. But I regret it now, I feel like I handled the situation badly. Some advice, make sure you talk to him about it, don’t just keep it inside. How are you handling it?
Post # 7
@AnnaFinch84: I’m not sure if your last question was directed towards me, but I’ll answer it anyways! I got over it. I wanted a small intimate park wedding, but now it’ll just be…a bit bigger, and with more people I don’t know! It’s okay, though. The wedding is very informal and there is no sit down dinner, so the “price per head” is probably like $5, if that, haha. There’ll still be good music and an awesome dance, and my favourite people will be there, so I’m set.
Post # 8
hmm…thanks for all the posts! 2 months later and we are still having the same disagreement. 🙁
i liked the idea of sending out wedding ANNOUNCEMENTS (not invitations) to what i call the “un-essentials” on his huge list… i didn’t really know what they were, so i googled it. it looks like you are supposed to send them AFTER the actual wedding (duh, to ANNOUNCE that you got married, now i get it).
i thought it would be nice to send out an “announcement” WITHOUT specific wedding details BEFORE the ceremony takes place in lieu of an invitation (i.e. an “fyi, we’re getting married…thought you’d like to know” … but you’re not invited, lol). but then i thought that this may be confused with an invitation if i send it before the actual event. (i even thought of including something at the bottom about how we are having a small, family ceremony and reception…so people will recognize that this is NOT an invitation)
WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS?
Post # 9
An announcement is traditionally sent immediately after the wedding to announce you as husband and wife, and to let people know that you got married. Typically, people do this when they have a very small or destination wedding to which most people are not invited. If I were having a wedding with 150-180 people, I wouldn’t send this. To me, it would be like rubbing it in peoples’ faces that they didn’t make the cut (while 180 other people did).
I think if you send something beforehand, it will also just be awkward (as you are literally saying we’re getting married, you’re not invited). People understand that folks have budgets and guest list constraints. Its just part of budgeting and being an adult. If you don’t have the money to invite all the people you’re fiance would like, then you just cant do it.
Also, not sure that this exact thread with your same reply needs to be posted in 3 seperate boards. Just fyi.
Post # 10
@rhubarbpie: now i think i understand what the web designers meant by “avoiding snarkiness.” your condescending tone is certainly not helpful. i posted in order to seek the advice of other kind and considerate brides who may have dealt with a similar situation.
Post # 11
This is a duplicate posting so I’m going to close it. Please go here to comment!