Post # 1
We decided to go to Punta Cana in May for 5 nights to celebrate my FI getting his degree in CIS. He suggested that we go on a cruise for 7 days but I suggested going to the DR because I’ve always dreamt of going there (I know its not all about me). To make a short story even shorter, he is fussy because the trip is $980 pp. and he has to fork over the cash.
At this point I dont know what to do. I feel sorry for the poor guy. He just forked over 3k for my ring two weeks ago and now he has to fork over another 2k for our trip. Since we are moving I am going to pay for that as well as our passports. I cannot financially help as much as I want to. Our cruise would be $1700 including our flight or we could drive (9 hours) and save $200.
My fi can afford the trip but he feels as though he has been doing nothing but spending money (which he has). And btw, we arent even getting married at this time. Any suggestions on how to make him feel better about this. I’ve been on every website imaginable to compare prices but it isnt budging.
Post # 3
Why not just cancel the trip and go somewhere in the states like Miami? You can always go to DR when your financial situation improves.
Post # 4
I mean…you could not go…then he wouldn’t have to spend the money. Or go somewhere less expensive…I see you’re in N. Carolina, so as a PP mentioned, you could even road trip down to Florida for dirt cheap. Then save the Punta Cana trip for your honeymoon.
Is he making you feel guilty about it? Because if that’s the case he should have just said no in the first place! He shouldn’t have told you he could afford it, then start guilt-tripping you later.
And yes, this is an expensive time in life. Engagement rings are expensive and are often followed by even more expensive events – weddings and honeymoons. Of course, it doesn’t have to be this way. You could have a small, budget-friendly wedding or even elope. He also could have told you he couldn’t afford or wasn’t comfortable with buying a $3,000 engagement ring, and instead purchased something more modest. I guess it comes down to your relationship dynamics. Is he buying these things for you of his own free will and then guilting you about it later? Or are you pressuring him into buying things he can’t afford? Either way, something needs to change.
It sounds like you guys need to talk about what your FI’s financial comfort level actually is, and make sure he doesn’t feel pressured into spending more than he’d like. And if he tells you he’s cool with it, then he needs to drop it. Not constantly remind you how much money he’s spending.
Post # 5
Celebrate a different way. The trip is in his celebration of his accomplishment and he is not even goingbwhere he wants to go. Vacations are not a necessity and being stressed about affording them or departing with his money is soo not the way to begin a vacation. You can’t even afford the trip to lessen the pain for him, so I would definitely do something different.
Post # 6
If the trip is to celebrate his accomplishment and he’s paying for it, then he should have a lot of say in the budget, and if it’s outside of his comfort zone then either delay it, cancel it (and possibly go on a cheaper trip) or contribute your own money.
Post # 8
There’s no way he’s going to enjoy the vacation (to celebrate his accomplishment) if he’s stressed financially. There’s no way you’re going to enjoy it, either. Postpone or cancel and go somewhere more comfortable financially; for what it’s worth, I completely understand where your FI is coming from.
Post # 9
I am a little confused by your post. Why is your FI expected to pay for the entire trip?
Post # 10
@1blingedoutbride: this is to celebrate his accomplishment and you’re going somewhere that you have always wanted to go too? That seems a little off to me. It’s his celebration and his money so it should be his choice.
I get that the cruise is only about $260 cheaper but maybe he is upset because he is spending so much money doing something he doesn’t even want to do. At this point I would stop ‘trying to make him feel better’ and let him plan the trip that he wants to take.
Post # 11
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
I think it’s a better idea to go back to the drawing board and agree on a budget and a trip that both of you are happy with. Making him pay for a trip that he feels you can’t afford isn’t a vacation and he might end up harboring some resentment towards you for “forcing” him to fork over the money. Save the DR for your honeymoon or another trip when you can better afford it (or you can afford to contribute some money on top of what he”s paying.)
Post # 12
If it was bothering my husband that much, I would just cancel the trip.
You are celebrating *his* accomplishment, and he is paying for it? Not to mention, he obviously isn’t down with spending that kind of money right now, so why not just bag the whole idea?
A trip to celebrate him that he has to fork over cash for & doesn’t really want to go? Doesn’t sound great.
Post # 13
AFter reading reviews on the cost of a cruise vs resort it’s going to equal out to the same amount i.e tips, excursions, etc.
And he always does this. Doesnt matter if its $100 or $1000– he is extremely indecisive. I mean extremely. He told me he didnt want to go over $1800. We will talk about it more and I suggested us going somewhere else but he is sold on the idea of a destination trip. This was solely his idea because he knows I am unable to help right now. But I will cover other expenses we will have in the near future. And we are eloping so we wont spend a lot of money on getting married.
Btw, I am not pressuring anyone to do anything. I cant tell a grown man what to do with his money. I made a suggestion because it was in budget.
Post # 14
Honestly I didn’t find Punta Cana to be that great and I had always dreamed of going too. Also you can do it for a lot cheaper than 2k.
Post # 15
@1blingedoutbride: if you are celebrating his achievements and he is paying, shouldn’t he get a bit more of a say for this trip? Punta Cana isn’t going anywhere so you can always go there next time around or for a honeymoon
Post # 16
@MrsSkeletonKey: +1! great minds think alike! (sorry–didn’t see your post until after I posted)