Fiancee not caring about wedding at all – need advice!

posted 2 years ago in Logistics
Post # 2
Member
414 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

In regards to the officiant, maybe give him three different times to meet that he can choose from and let him know that he needs to pick a time by such-and-such a day or you will pick one. Either way he is expected to be there. In regards to the music, same sort of thing. Tell him, “I am turning in a final song list by X date, you need to have your choices to me by then. If you don’t, I will pick but you cannot complain about the choices after they have been made.” I know my DH likes deadlines and concrete details, so maybe this method might work?

Post # 3
Member
716 posts
Busy bee

I think it’s likely that there is something underlying all of this.  Perhaps just ask if something is bothering him and try to start the conversation by saying that you feel that he is unengaged with respect to the wedding.  See what he says.

Post # 4
Member
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

NowMrsS:  +1 

Once I gave my FI concrete dates and times to do things he was more helpful. 

Post # 5
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: Lombardi's On the bay

This may sound weird, but maybe you guys need a time out from the wedding talk.  I know my fiance can get a bit overwhelmed with all the planning options (plus dealing with me getting stressed isnt a picnic either. lol) and needs a bit of a break for us just to have a day where its just us; no planning, no wedding talk; just us.  After that, he’s right back to helping and im alot less stressed. 

Post # 6
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I agree that there is an underlying issue here. You NEED to be able to communicate. Marriage is a parternership and if he’s not able to step up, then maybe things need to be reevaluated as it’s not going to get better after marriage. 

I agree with happilyeverafter29:  as mine was overwhelmed in the beginning as well. We agree that we would discuss wedding stuff twice a week where he would give me his undivided attention and make decisions if needed. 

For the DJ, mine first said he didn’t care at all. The DJ gave me a list of like 500 popular songs to weddings (slow and fast) and I made a copy and had him mark which ones he liked and then mark any MUST PLAYS. Funny how Mr. Didn’t care ended up checking off a bunch of songs.

Make it easy for him. Give him stuff to choose from, rather then a blanket statement. Dont’ talk about wedding stuff all the time with him. 

TALK to him about what’s really going on and listen to what he says. What is the real reason he seems disinterested and ask what you can do to help. 

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