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Is he planning on buying the ring soon? Perhaps he knows he'll catch some heat if you ll tell people you're engaged and they see there's no ring. Some bees come on here saying they get those "you're not really engaged if you don't have a ring" responses.
I wouldn't look too hard at it without talking to him. Maybe he's insecure about his family. Maybe succesful older brothers who'd rib him for not having a ring. You can always ask him why it's so important to have that ring first. But if he's planning on getting the ring soon, maybe you can wait to see what ahppens then.
Is he maybe afraid that people will think he's cheap or something for not having got the ring? I certainly wouldn't think anything of the sort myself, but men can be funny. Specially about one-upmanship etc. I know my FI felt it important to have the ring got before he proposed, and I think he wanted his proposal to be the equal of anyone's, for me telling friends etc, he didn't want it to seem less (impressive/romantic/whatever) than anyone else's. Know what I mean?
I asked him why the ring was so important for the first thing, and he said it just is. Material things are not at the top of my list. And he does plan on getting it very soon. Personally I think the women who say your not engaged because theres no ring... well I'm not saying she a gold digger but she aint messing with no broke broke! lol and beside his younger sister he is the most successful person in his family. And I totally understand what you mean. I dont get men and the whole manly man thing lol.
Generally, men who propose without a ring are considered not financially stable enough to provide for a new family or they are considered not serious in actually getting married. It is nice you don't need a ring to feel engaged, but I'm sure right now he is more concerned with what other people are going to think about him. The first question anybody asks me when I tell them I am engaged is "Ooo, can I see the ring?"
I wouldn't worry about it. If he isn't comfortable with telling people until you have a ring, just go with it. It sounds like you are emotionally stable enough in your relationship that you don't need everyone knowing about your plans until you have a ring. If it would make your FI feel more comfortable then just wait a little while longer.
That's a tough spot for you. I would be killing to give the news to everyone. I could see why he is trying to wait. Did he say when he is going to be able to buy a ring? he sounds like a good guy. Someone who wants to the old fashioned way of doing it but bit of poor planning on his part because obviously you wearing an engagement was important since he doesnt want to tell anyone about it.
Ultimately, the ring is not what makes the engagement. It's only a symbol, so whether you have it now or later it does not matter.
If not already done, you should sit down with him and redefine to him what the ring symbolizes, maybe it will change his mind.
I can understand him not wanting to tell anyone. It may not be a big deal to you about not having the ring, but traditionally--the ring is the sign and promise to marry, and that may be how he feels.
Regardless of how you feel about it, if he isn't ready to tell anyone because he is uncomfortable about the ring--then go with it. im sure you're busting at the seams-perhaps 'set a date' to tell everyone--regardless if you have the ring or not?
Meh, it's important for the guy I think. Once he has the ring on your finger, if he's STILL not telling everyone, be concerned. But if he feels the ring is what is the icing on the cake for the engagement, just go with it.
thank you guys for all of your input, never even thought of it this way...
I think not telling his family because he hasn't bought a ring is completely stupid and selfish. My parents and my FIs would have been so hurt if they found out we hid our engagement and for a dumb reason like that. A week isn't so bad, but if he still refuses after like a month, that doesn't really sit right with me! I hope he tells them soon! Besides he can always say that he wanted you to be the one to pick it out so he wanted to wait until you found one you liked!
My fiance called his parents right away, but there was no one else he really wanted to call... I think it was just being lazy for him though. He knew that I'd be calling most of their sginificant others that I hang out with, and new that they'd find out eventually... could just be that?!
I would highly suggest not to judge or over analyze your FI just yet. There are guys out there (like my brother) who can proudly announce he's young, no job, going right back to school, getting married and his parents will be paying for everything (ring, wedding and honeymoon). He was definitely judged by a lot of people but he didn't care. He's still financially dependant, his parents could easily afford it without going into dept and he could marry the love of his life now instead of wating 5 more years, and he doesnt mind admitting all that.
Then there are guys like my SO who are super sensitive about being financially responsible before getting married. Whatever I, my parents, or his parents say won't matter to him that's just how he is. He wanted to have enough money for the ring and the wedding before we got engaged and it took forever for everyone else to talk him into allowing some help.
I think it's likely that your FI is responsible and I think that is pretty awesome! Sometimes they cares these things even if you say you don't need anything to be married or get engaged so don't take it personal, it has nothing to do with you!
I asked my guy to marry me and although he was super excited he also wanted us to wait til he got me a ring before we told everyone. He may just be traditional that way. Don't sweat it. :)
nobody, and I mean NOBODY AT ALL, took my engagement seriously until I had the ring. it was annoying.
If he's planning on getting it soon and that's really the reason he's holding off, I wouldn't worry about it. It is a weird conversation piece / sticking point when you start telling everyone. People get excited and want to see it and are kind of surprised if you don't have one. Personally I don't think it's that big a deal, but I can see how it might matter some to him. If it's really just a matter of going out and getting it, don't sweat his waiting a couple weeks. If it drags on for months, though, then there may be something bigger going on.
I think it all depends on the guy too. My husband proposed and had a ring, but he was in no rush to tell people. But marriage wasn't a huge deal for him, presumably because of the number of divorces his parents have had. I had to badger him to finally call up his parents and tell them, and only because I wanted to update my Facebook status to "engaged" and didn't want his sister to find out that way! lol!
Like Nlmiele said...no one took her proposal seriously until she had a ring.
AND i know im going to get flack for this but i wouldnt take anyones engagement seriosuly until they have a ring either...to me its just talk if they dont have a ring...and talk is cheap (that sounded a litte harsh)
I have a gf who is "engaged" no offical proposal...no ring..."they just know" and she is planning stuff and talking about it all the time...we think she is nuts...He hasnt given her a ring...so she isnt engaged as far as her friends and family can see.
Im sure your boyfirend just sees it that way too...why not wait to get the ring on your finger and make it "official" show you and the ring off to everyone and scream from the mountains that he is engaged..rather then say, he asked and you said yes but he cant afford a ring (cause people are going to ask to see the ring) and he will have to explain.
Have fun because you know its coming for sure!!!
Im sry but to say that because someone doesnt have a ring doesnt mean their not engaged, there are cultures and religions that dont wear rings and they certainly are engaged.
My FI didn't mention it to his coworkers for WEEKS and it drove me crazy. That is, until I remembered that he's not the type to really share his personal life with people... it still bugged me a little tho
I don't understand people who think it's not a real engagement without a ring. My parents have been married 30 years, my mother was never given an engagement ring...does that mean they aren't really married either? It's whatever the couple wants. My DH felt very strongly he wanted to get me a ring and propose "properly", personally if we'd just decided one night we were ready to get married and plan a wedding I would have considered that being engaged. It sounds like you do too, since you say you are "officially engaged". To me, it's telling people that makes it official! My DH didn't want to tell anyone for a few days after he proposed...he wanted to let it sink in and he was also kind of scared I think since getting married is a pretty big deal (especially for him). In the end (a few days after the proposal, and the day after we'd told my family) I forced him to call his mother and of course she came over the same day to see the ring and celebrate :)
As long as your FI's reason is *really* the ring and he's not feeling the same way my DH did but not telling you, I think you could hold out, as long as it's not too long. Personally I think people (who matter) will be excited for you no matter what, and then you can have another exciting announcement when you get the ring.
A ring does not make you engaged. It is the commitment you make to each other that does. While most wedding magazines and blogs consider the ring to be so important that you aren't engaged without one, most people in real life do not agree with that and don't see the ring as that important.
Sit down with your fiance and talk about this. If you aren't able to communicate now over something insignificant, you will have major problems in the future when real issues that are much bigger come up.
While this doesn't seem to be the case in your situation, it is a factor for other people, but they are not comfortable telling their family certain things due to how they were brought up.
Thank You all for your input. I have talked to my fiancé about this and he has told me that he doesn't want to tell his friends and family because of how they will react when there is NO RING! lol I also told him that I didn't care what others thought. All i Know is that we love each other and thats all that matters! I have decided to hold out a little longer!
Almostarolax - sounds like my DH, I think part of why so many guys want to do the whole ring and proposal thing (even if it doesn't matter so much to us) is to make sure they look good to everyone else! Especially when they've seen brothers/friends etc do it, they need to keep up appearances. Plus, for my DH it meant he could say "I bought the ring and planned the proposal, now you can plan the party" - which I was happy to do :) Good luck!!
almostarolax--
don't stress about it. My FI told NO ONE that we were engaged, other than his mother, because heck she was there. But other than that no one. Not his best friend, not his aunts none of them.
He was over the moon that we were getting married, but he is very private and just isn't the type to go around shouting it from the rooftops. Heck I am going to see him this week and he won't even tell his mom I am coming, "it's no one business" and yet I will be staying at her house.
Some guys just like to keep things to themselves, don't worry!
You cannot put your life on hold (and not do various things) because you spend so much time worried about what other people think. That is not healthy or normal.
@almostarolax Glad to hear you worked it out!! Hopefully you can get the ring soon so he will start telling people :) Congrats!
I wouldn't worry about it just yet. It has only been a week and a half, which my SO swears in guy time is like 10 minutes! My SO told his friends when he saw them or when he spoke with them next, he didn't call every one of them on the phone like I did! Also, if he is not especially close with the family, he may not tell them right away. I sat at a dinner with my SO's fam for over an hour, with the ring on my finger and me flashing it all the time and not a soul noticed. Wait and see when you get the ring what happens . . .
OK I didn't read most of the other posts but I kind of felt like he did at one point. We decided to get married summer of 2011 in February and I started looking at vendors, but I didn't introduce him as my fiance or tell my family officially until I had the ring. I guess to me it was like this - people get engaged extremely quickly all the time and don't have rings and sometimes don't take it seriously (I know this isn't always the case). It almost seems like being engaged is being thrown around like 'I love you' is. I know a guy who has been engaged (no ring) 4 times and when it doesn't work it's just like a regular breakup. For me, the symbol of a ring, a circle with no end, shows the world that our engagement is real and serious. It didn't change our plans or our love. Also, as a society the first thing people ask is "lets see the ring?" Maybe your fiance doesn't want to tell people yet because he is embarrassed that he doesn't have a ring for you.
My fiance and I didn't tell anyone until I had the ring on my finger. (We got the ring about 2 weeks after we got engaged.)
On the other foot: One of my co-workers was engaged for a year without a ring, and didn't get one until about 6 months before the wedding (18 month engagement).
If it bothers you, talk to him about it. Like someone else said, he may feel embarassed he hasn't gotten you a ring yet. (And remember, guys have a different way of thinking about things than we women do!)
We don't have a ring yet either, but we are in the process of it. We have one picked out and we are waiting for it to be made by Tacori, and as soon as he popped the question we both told our friends and family, posted it on Myspace and Facebook, etc. Everyone treated it as a real engagement, because it really is the commitment behind it, not just the representation of the ring. Of course showing the ring makes it have a more official "feel" to it, and it does show you are taking it to the next level. But I think that an engagement can be just as serious with a ring as it is without one. Just my input.
AAGH! its Saturday!! Update please! I read your post and was waiting to see what it looks like and what happened! you have me waiting on the edge of my seat!
I think it's more of a "guy" issue. My guy is very much this way. There is a certain amount of pride involved when there is no ring for a guy. You might suggest getting a temporary ring or making a plan of action towards getting the ring. The last thing you want to do is injure his pride.
Got my ring! New post : http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/got-my-ring
Pics are kind of hard to see sry...
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My fiancé and I have been officially engaged for about a week and a half now, and he still hasn't told any of his family or friends that hes getting married. I asked him about it and he said its because he hasn't bought me a ring yet, but I do not think that having the ring right now is the most important. He said he really wants to get married and hes excited, but why hasn't he told anyone???? Is buying a ring when you get engaged the most important to people? Am I just one of a kind? What do you think?