Post # 1
I have a dilemma. Mr CL’s parents have been divorced since he was a kid. They get on pretty well, see each other semi-regularly, there won’t be any problem having them both at the top table.
His mum and step-dad married several years ago, and we all get on really well – I know I can stick him on more or less any table and he’ll chat away to everyone. The problem is that his dad remarried in the summer and I cannot stand his wife. She’s very loud, never listens to anyone, is always ‘right’ and will probably be offended about not being on the top table – I’ve no idea where I’d sit her. My mum used to work for her and was sacked for no reason so there’s obviously quite a lot of bad blood there.
I’ve suggested to Mr CL that perhaps we can invite her to the evening reception, but not the daytime. It’s ultimately his choice but there are so many people I’d rather have at my day than her (we’ve both got big families, so numbers are really tight) and if she’s invited to the wedding breakfast, she’ll probably want to bring her daughters and their boyfriends too. I definitely do not want to be spending my hard-earned cash on providing them all with dinner!
Can anyone suggest a tactful way of dealing with this? I obviously don’t want to cause friction, but I have nightmares of her ruining my day. Just for your info – I wasn’t invited to their wedding, and Mr CL and I have been together a lot longer than they have (in other words, it’s not like she didn’t know me). We’re also completely self-funding, so as far as I’m concerned they shouldn’t really have a say about the guest list at all.
Help! Thanks 🙂
Post # 3
Well you kinda hve to inite her if you want the dad to come sorry. But I don’t see any reason that you have to invite her children.
Post # 4
@imalittlebirdie: I agree. To avoid more drama, invite her.
Post # 5
I’m sorry – you won’t like this – but you should invite her. And probably your FI’s step-siblings, as well, but you don’t need to invite their boyfriends/girlfriends.
Do you absolutely have to have a head table like that? The best way around this I can think of is a separate table for that side of the family, a separate one for your side of the table, and either a sweetheart table or a very very small head table (you, Darling Husband, and attendants only). That way you don’t need to interact with her so much.
But if you have one head table and you’re planning on inviting his father – you can’t not invite his father’s wife.
Post # 6
@clumsylawyer: I’m American so what are the customs of the weddings where you are from? As a PP has said, do you have to have a headtable? Can you just do what we call here in the States a “sweetheart table” where it is just the Bride and Groom and have your bridal party and families seated at different tables?
I’m going to assume you weren’t invited to their wedding because you were not “family” yet? Sadly now she is family by marriage. To not invite her would have bad repercussions.
Can your Mr CL talk to your father and warn him that his wife needs to be on her best behavior? That her presense is already going to cause a stir with your mother and any sign of trouble she is getting the boot?
I however am the type that says etiquette be damed in some situations. IF you are afriad this woman will ruin your day and if your mother does not like her, than by all means limit her time at the wedding and receptions. For the wedding breakfast, only she is invited and make sure you have someone at the door checking names please.
However how will your Future Father-In-Law react if he knows his new wife is not all that welcomed?