(Closed) fiance’s ex-wife drives me crazy ^(&$%&^%@*%#*^* X[ *vent*

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Im sorry you guys have to deal with this, it sounds so frustrating. I interned at a matrimonal law firm through out law school so i have seen the crazy things ex spouses do to get back at each other. My advice would be to stay out of it. Support your FI but dont get involved with the drama between him and his ex, it will only make the ex madder and cause her to give your man a hard time. I know its tough seeing him hurt but just comfort him and be the rational person he can lean on.

Post # 4
Member
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Sorry, that sounds rough!  *hugs*

Post # 5
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I went through similar things with my fiance’s ex and it is totally sickening the things they say/do just to piss our men off. And it was a rough 2 years, but eventually it got better. This was only dealing with 1 child, she would use EVERYTHING possible against him. Never worked and expected him to pay all her bills AND child support on top of that, it was SO sick to sit back and watch. But all you can do is be a strong shoulder for your fiance right now. Slowly slip in words of wisdom as you can to keep him strong and hang in there. It does get better! How long have you been together? How much longer does he have overseas?

FYI-I thought we were done paying off her 15K dept she had run up in his name, but just found out Dell is after us for money now for a computer she never paid for. So I got fired up this week about that. WE don’t have the damn computer, SHE does, so I said let HER pay the bill. But she won’t. And he knows that. So once again, we get screwed over. All while paying 800/month for ONE child. Still makes me sick, but I love my man and I’m not going to let psycho ruin our future, just a little bump in the road. Stay strong!

Post # 6
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Oh wow!! That is so nuts. She doesn’t sound like a very good person at all! I am sorry you have to deal with it. But I agree with some of the PPs, it is probably best to do your best to support your FI and be his shoulder throughout all of this. My little brother is in Afghanistan right now too, and I know he has so much insane stuff going on and the last thing a serviceman over there should have to deal with is unnecesary drama. They have way crazier and scary stuff to be dealing with on a daily basis. Just do your best to be there for him, but definitely try not to get into the middle of it.

Best of luck!!!

Post # 7
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

That’s horrible. I’m so sorry. She sounds like a first class jerk. I have my fair share of baby momma drama around her, but not nearly as bad as that. Being the stepmom is a hard job because there are boundaries to what you can do, and for the most part I find I can just be a good listener and support to my husband. His issues with his ex are his own, not mine. Every now and then she tries to drag me into it and DH tells her where to go. Unfortunately you can’t control the way she spends her money but if you guys have evidence that she’s not spending it on the kids, I would keep records of it and talk to your lawyer about having the support payments adjusted or monitored by the courts. It’s possible to force her to prove that that money is being spent on the kids, and then ask that any leftover money is set aside for costs above and beyond (like sports registration, equipment, summer camp, etc) or into a savings account for college. Just keep doing what you’re doing. It’s an uphill battle most days, I know. ((hugs))

Post # 9
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think @Bakerella had a great idea with monitoring what she’s spending money on, that way your FI has the proof that’s she’s not spending the $ on his kids but on herself. Sorry you have to go through this it sucks, but by being there and supporting him I sure he appreciated it a lot! Yikes if he is having doubts about paternity best that be cleared up ASAP, when does he get back?

Also I want to note what a F*ing B this woman must be to lay this crap on him while he’s overseas fighing a war. I mean couldn’t she be nice and just let him hear about the kids and what they are doing instead of making him stress out about money when he has MUCH more important things to keep his mind on over that. Just my own opinion.

Post # 10
Member
830 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

What an awful situation! Those poor children being in the middle of all the drama she seems to create. About the paternity test, depending on what state you’re in if they were married at the time and his name is on the birth certificate they are considered legally his children regardless of what the paternity results are. He will have a financial obligation to them.

Post # 11
Member
671 posts
Busy bee

Ok so I might be on the opposite side of this spectrum.. So just a couple things.. 1) You can’t tell a woman how to spend her own money 2) You guys looked through her statments? 3) She sounds like a total B! 

…I am currently trying to move to LA with my FI and my daughters bio father is giving me a hard time because obviously I want to take her with me. This crazy lady has her kids and wants to make trouble? She should be happy she gets to see her kids every day! I don’t understand people like this who just want to make life hard for other people..she is also making life hard for her kids when she says bad things to their dad. Shame.

Post # 12
Member
59 posts
Worker bee

Wow, really frustrating. Bee hug!

Post # 14
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Oh my goodness, so sorry to hear she is being so hurtful. You know what though? I understand that you had to vent, but look at all the energy it took out of you to do that. Put all that energy toward being the amazing lady you are and supporting your man. Just concentrate on each other and that will be more than enough to deflect whatever pain she tries to cause. He will be shielded by your love for him. All the rest re: funds and paternity tests will fall into place when the time is right. Hang in there!

Post # 16
Member
671 posts
Busy bee

@JonathansLilMama: 1) I totally agree. Does she have a job? Or is all her income coming from your FI? 2) If she has money to spend on all of these things, maybe you can ask the judge to have her pay the rest? If she has money to party then she has money to pay her bills right?

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