Fiance's family angry that his sister isn't a bridesmaid…

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1640 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Rustic mill, historical site


I dunno, I’d stick to my guns, your FMIL is butting in where she has no business, she doesn’t get to decide who your bridesmaids are and the sister of the groom does not automatically get to be in the wp.    If SHE told her daughter she’d had a bigger role, then SHE has to tell her that she lied and it’s not up to her.    You could come up with something else for her to do aswell, but don’t add her just because your FMIL has a big mouth.

Post # 4
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

@roseglass6370:  This situation really irritates me because I went through exactly the same thing 

Dont let your in-laws throw their weight around in your relationship as I promise you it will continue. It is so important to stand your ground in a polite but firm way. Dont let them use FI as the middle man either. 

Maybe sister is upset but in my case the aunty and father cared more than the sister did. I would talk to the sister and make everything right with her. Once you guys have hashed it out and both are happy no-one else can really say anything about it.

Post # 5
1787 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Ooooh, toughie.  I tend to agree with your thoughts on who should stand up with you.  However, I did have my DH’s 2 sisters in the wedding party but that was b/c he really wanted them to (I had only been around them probably 5 times when we chose our party).  Since your husband agrees with you, I think you should stick to what you want, but have a discussion with the sister about all the concerns and reasoning you said above.  Tell her how you love her and don’t want this to ruin your relationship, but having siblings in the bridal party wasn’t something norm for you and you chose those you grew up with/are very close with.  Hopefully she will understand if you explain that you didn’t purposely try to leave her out and do care about her feelings. 


Post # 6
480 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

It does seem odd to me that the Groom’s sister wouldn’t be a bridesmaid, especially if you’re already having a large bridal party.  My FI’s sister is a bridesmaid and I only have 4 (My sister, his sister and 2 friends).  Would it be really hard to add another bridesmaid?

It’s up to you, I can see if he had a lot of sisters why you wouldn’t but for 1, well I would and I just always assumed that that was the norm (but then I haven’t really got much of a clue about wedding etiquet).

Post # 7
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@roseglass6370:  I would not include her. You are m eant to have those that mean the most to you. Once you do that because of your MIL forcing you to, she is going to think she has a “hold” on you. Good thing you have your FI on your side.

I feel like this is one of those damned if you do, damned if you don’t situations. Without going into detail after we got engaged my MIL said, “Well, you’re including your sister in the bridal party right?” We siad yes, but that was because we had already decided we would ask her. She said yes, but apparently, in the middle of planning, she started getting real bitchy about everything and claimed she was “forced” into being in the wedding by us, MIL and grandmother in law. So we would have had hurt feelings either way. You can’t please everyone unfortunately.

Post # 8
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I agree with PP that said to stick to your guns, just to set the standard that you won’t be bullied or coerced moving forward.

That being said, I’m not at all surprised they got upset. Everyone I have ever known has included their SIL as a BM to prevent just such an issue. I’m not saying either choice is the correct one, I’m just not suprised they flipped. If we were having attendants, I’d include his sister to make everyone feel included…but thank god we aren’t 🙂

They were very out of line to say anything at all, and your FMIL was especially inappropriate to say she “WILL have a bigger role.” She obviously seems pretty confident she can strong-arm you. Stand your ground.

Post # 9
1631 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@roseglass6370:  If its assumed – have her be a groomsmen.

It should never be assumed that you will have someone from outside your friend group as a bridesmaid – that is reserved for people close the bride to support as she gets married.

Technically she is there to support her brother  – so she should be a ‘groomsmen’.

It’s nto that crazy I was even a best man for one of my really good guy friends int he military – I was his friend not hers – so I should stand on his side – not hers.

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