Post # 1
So, I’m having a bit of a problem with the guest list for my wedding.
My fiance and I are having a small wedding (48 people), but the only family of his that are coming are his parents and brother. We’re inviting his grandparents, but we already know they probably wont make it.
I would really like it if more of his family came. However, it’s hard to invite people because of how many we would need to invite. We can’t get away with selectively inviting aunts/cousins without offending those we didn’t invite, and we just don’t have enough room to invite them all.
I thought that if there was someone he was close to we could get away with inviting them, but he says that there is no one that he’s close to. I also asked if there was anyone who it was important to attend, and he said that no one would care that much.
It just feels weird to me, because in my eyes one of the points of having a wedding is to allow our families to meet eachother (as they’re all now legally related), and that point becomes moot if none of his family is going to be there. Also, the thought that none of his family would care about being at our wedding makes me a little sad. :/
Is it weird if his only attending family are is parents and brother, and the rest is my family and like 8ish mutual friends?
Post # 3
@amanda0543: I need to add: a lot of his family live about a 4 hr drive away in another city (the same his parents live in). His mom is holding a “second reception” that we’re supposed to go to about two weeks after our wedding, and a lot of his family will be there. It just still weirds me out a little that they wont be at the actual wedding.
Post # 4
Considering your reasoning, which is you can’t get away with selectively inviting people, then you will just have to invite parents, brother, and grandparents…especially if inviting all his aunts and uncles will mean that they won’t fit in one place.
They should understand that you had a smaller wedding, and that is why they couldn’t come. If they aren’t raising a stink about it now then they probably won’t. If they do just stick to your guns and say you had limited room.
Are your aunts and uncles coming? Because that I would find very unfair if you invited yours but not his. Then I could see that being a problem, but if not then you should be fine.
Post # 5
No, thats not weird. The point of your wedding is to celebrate with people whom you are close to. If he doesn’t “have” to have of his extended family there, I don’t see that as a bad thing, personally.
Have you thought about inviting your side of the family to the 2nd reception? That way they could still meet.
Post # 6
@seabunny: It’s being hosted by my FMIL, so I would feel out of place extending an invitation into her home, and she hasn’t invited any of my family to come. She’s also made it sound like she wants it to be a reception exclusively for their side of the family.
Post # 7
Hm…thats a little odd to me, honestly. Why wouldn’t she want your family to be there? At least your parents. Could your FI talk to her and see if some of your family can come? For me, personally, if his family was pretty much holding out for a reception that is closer to them for convienence sake, I would be a little offended. Sorry if I’m reading in to this too much, lol, I do that sometimes.
Post # 8
For our wedding only my parents are coming. None of my 8 siblings, numerous aunts or uncles or friends are even coming. Granted it would be a DW for them to come to (as we live in New Zealand and I’m from the US). I was really upset about it at first when people kept telling me they couldn’t come, but now it doesn’t bother me so much. Would I love to have a more equal number of family at our wedding? Of course, but it’s not a reality. For such a small wedding as you’re having, this is pretty normal. We’re having a slightly bigger one ourselves (80) and the majority are people from my FI’s side. I don’t really have any advice for you here, but just think about the situation and eventually it won’t bother you so much. Sometimes family do funny things when it comes to a wedding. I thought my siblings would have made a bigger effort to come for our wedding, but I have turned out to be a lower priority than a new car or a trip to Vegas. I’m sure your wedding will be lovely even without a lot of your FI’s family there.
Post # 9
@seabunny: Yeah, I’m struggling with the whole taking offense thing. The way it started out was that we knew certain members of his family wouldn’t be able to make it, and his mom said she was going to have a reception for them, but then a couple months later it seems like no one on his family is planning on coming to our wedding because of the 2nd reception. :/
I know no one means anything by it (it’s just a matter of convience and what not), so I’m trying not to let it get to me in that way. I just feel bad for my fi that more of his family wont be with him on his big day.
Post # 10
@amanda0543: Either invite all or invite none. When you selectively invite people those that missed the cut and are close family could possibly get hurt. You can just keep it to immediate family and then happily and graciously attend the second reception.
Post # 11
@debinoxford: Thanks. It’s good to hear that you’re ok with not having more of your family there. 🙂
I’ve been concerned that once the wedding roles around my fi might be sad that more of his family isn’t there with him, so it’s reassuring to hear someone in a similar situtation who says that it’s alright for them.