Post # 1
My fiance and I are planning a honeymoon to Puerto Rico. That is where he is from, before coming to the US at age 16. His brother and parents, and some aunts and uncles still live there. We want to spend one week “honeymooning” alone, and the second week doing things together and some with his family. That is what we planned on doing. Fine. Last night he calls me after talking to his brother. Together they planned on going scuba diving with an uncle one day. Okay, still fine. FI says that he and his brother will be diving and I can sit on the beach with his brother’s lady and uncle’s GF. I have never met these people! I wouldn’t have minded if he had asked me, but it was more like a “this is what we are going to do”. He became all stubborn, like he is known for, and ended that. He also informed me that we will be visiting an old school chum of his. I am a friendly person, but if they will be sitting there talking about the old times, I won’t know what they are talking about. I feel like now our honeymoon is just becoming a trip. I know I get to be with him for one week, alone, and that there are times that couples go off on their own. But, it was how it came out that bugs me. I was always under the impression that a honeymoon is the first real vacation you plan together. If he had asked me, instead of telling me, it may have been different. Now he is getting all stubborn and doesn’t want to do PR at all, saying we should go where neither of us know anyone. I still want to go. I have never been, and I want to meet some of his family that will not be at the wedding. I know he will get over it, but he is soooo stubborn!
Post # 3
@brendaray2009: So you don’t want to spend a lot of time with these people, and your FI has offered to go to another country. Why don’t you just do that then? It seems to solve the problem. Visit PR another time.
Post # 4
I would do the honeymoon elsewhere and set aside a different trip just for visiting with family and friends.
Post # 5
Wow, that is ridiculous. It’s a honeymoon with his new wife, not a family meet and greet and catch up on old times vacation. If he’s going to be stubborn and passive aggressive about not going to PR and making you hang out with people you don’t know all week, which makes you uncomfortable, how’s it going to be when he makes other decisions with you and for you? Something to think about.
I think you know he’s being passive aggressive about not going now to guilt you into whatever he wants with no thought for your comfort and happiness. I wouldn’t have even floated PR as a honeymoon in the first place if it was going to be a week of family reunions.
Post # 6
What if you island hopped?
Like, do a week in Jamaica or Costa Rica or the Bahamas or something, then spend a week in Puerto Rico?
Then the island would be super exciting and new, and you could go shopping while he visits his school friend, and you could still do half-day excursions together (like a rainforest hike or checking out the Bacardi factory), and still have time for his family in the evenings!
Post # 7
So you’ve already determined you would spend one week alone, and another week WITH people, but now you are unhappy that he wants to spend time with people? is the issue simply the way he demanded instad of presenting it as an idea or asking if it’s ok?
I think it’s a bit silly to say he can’t meet up with an old friend because you won’t know what they’re talking about. Of course you won’t, you didn’t go to school with him! You can’t listen to the stories and enjoy the conversation? And what’s wrong with hanging out on the beach while he goes diving if you don’t dive and he does??? I just think you’re taking this a bit too seriously.
If you don’t want to spend time with people he knows, then you should not be going to PR. At least not under the conditions that you guys have already set forth.
If it’s simply the approach, then let your FI know you don’t mind this stuff, but it’s his approach. He doesn’t need to get all pouty and say we aren’t going there, he just needs to consider your feelings and instead of demanding what you will do on your own honeymoon, discuss with you various options.
Post # 8
Do you speak Spanish?
I ask because if you don’t, that’s something that your FI may not have thought about as he single-handedly planned for your entertainment during the family part of the trip.
On my first visit to PR with my Puerto Rican husband, I was naively quite surprised at how few people conversed in English – even if they can speak English, and most people can, to various degrees. Even though it’s a Commonwealth of the USA, Spanish is the overwhelmingly preferred language and you won’t find anybody sitting around conversing in English except for tourists.
I was fine with a certain number of family visits in which I didn’t participate much in the conversation – I could pick out enough words to figure out the general theme of the discussion – but if he had left me on my own with family members, it would have been kind of awkward and uncomfortable, as he is my interpreter in case I couldn’t follow what was being discussed.
Puerto Rico is big enough that your honeymoon part of the visit can feel quite apart from the family part, especially if his family is mostly in and around San Juan. Go to Vieques, explore El Yunque – there are tons of cool areas to visit during that week. Then save your San Juan explorations for the family time. You might have a wonderful time, for example, wandering around Old San Juan on your own while he’s doing family stuff.
I totally understand why you’re feeling conflicted. You want to meet his family, but you want to meet them WITH him! And you want this trip, however it’s configured, to be something that you two plan together, rather than you being dictated to by him.
I have a feeling you’re going to need to learn to deal with these kinds of issues now rather than later – marriage is a partnership, and it’s never OK to dictate how your partner spends their time, on a honeymoon/vacation or at home.
Post # 9
@brendaray2009: Let him know that you really want at least one week just the two of you, and maybe you guys should go somewhere else then since it would be hard to be in the same place as his family/friends and nto see them. Could you spend a week in Miami or another island and then go to PR?
Post # 10
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@brendaray2009: If you haven’t yet booked the trip then I think it’s a good idea to honeymoon somewhere else and visit PR another time when the trip can be all about his friends and family.
We decided on a mini-moon to New Orleans in January because neither of us have been there before so we will get to explore the city and experience it for the first time together as a couple. Our big honeymoon will be a trip to the UK to visit his friends to attend a wedding and allow for him to tour me around his old haunts because he went to uni over there.
Post # 11
@MsJ2theZ: It was how he put it forth to me. I don’t mind visiting with his family, I suggested it first. It was more like “here is what we are going to do. I will dive, and you will sit on the beach with two other women I have never met and are not relatives while I am gone.” If he had mentioned that I had options, like shopping, lunch or even staying in, I would not have mind at all. I want to know his family, of course. They will be my family as well. Then when he casually mentioned visiting the friend, it made it seem more like a vacation than a honeymoon. Everything that has gone into planning the wedding and the honeymoon has always been a joint decision. This was a first, and it upset me.
We have talked about it, and he still wants to go. It just irritated me that plans were made without discussing it with me.
Post # 12
@BrandNewBride: Can’t afford to island hop. I am jittery about getting on a plane to begin with since I have never flown before!
Post # 13
@brendaray2009: I think you should visit Puerto Rico another time. The vacation he’s planning sounds like a family vacation.
Flying isn’t that scary, either. We’ve been doing it for 110 years!