Post # 1
I did something terrible. I was alone in the room with my fiance’s cell phone and I read through his text messages. I am a nosy person and I feel really bad for doing so as I know it was wrong. I know that I have some apologizing to do.
Fiance’s best friend will be visiting from Florida next week. I was excited to meet his childhood friend after hearing about him for so long. I’ve met all four of his best friends and their wives and we all get along so well!
This best friend in particular is married with two children, but you’d think otherwise from his texts! His best friend texted about his strategic plan to get both of them girls at the bars/clubs during his stay and asked for him not to bring me along. My fiance texted back that he is getting married next month, that he would never be unfaithful to me and he is taking our relationship very seriously. Best friend kept egging him on and ended the conversation with there will be temptation everywhere after my fiance kept refusing.
I am starting to feel uneasy about my fiance going out with this sleazeball of a friend now. I trust him, otherwise I wouldn’t be marrying the man. We have a healthy relationship and he does have his alone time with his friends at a bar once a month to catch up which is great! However, his night out with his best friend doesn’t sound like innocent fun and I think it is inappropriate to knowingly place yourself in temptation’s path, even with the “strongest mind” in the world.
Any ideas on how to approach my fiance about this? Would you feel uneasy as well? How would you handle this?
Post # 3
@sophy33bee: My BF has a couple of single friends (not by their own choice, though they’d try to convince you otherwise) who are just like this.
Yes, I’d be uneasy. You can have the best, sweetest BF in the world but when you add peer pressure and alcohol into a night out, people do things they would never normally do.
The one friend, we’ll call him Hank, is the worst of them all: he very short, very scrawny and very unattractive inside and out. He used to hit on me when BF and I first started dating and we didnt see him for about a year. Lately, though, he’s been at some events we have been at and it seems he’s exactly the same. We went out for a mutual friends birthday and this 40 year old man spent the entire night hitting on the 18 year old (uncomfortable) server. I finally had to step in and shut him up. He has been very inappropriate to a number of my friends and is just pretty much an all-around jerk.
About 10 months ago, I was working a night shift and he asked my BF to go watch a UFC fight, and my boyfriend asked what I thought. “Go with anyone else,” I told him “go witha bunch of girls for all I care: just.not.hank.” My boyfriend knew as well as I did that Hank would spend the entire night trying to drag girls over to their table, and (since he’s not a big fan of me) try to get BF to do the same. I ended up getting my shift covered that night and when Hank found out I’d be going to watch the fight too, he suddenly didnt want to go anymore.
Since you were snooping in his phone, I’m not sure how you should or can approach this one….
Post # 4
@sophy33bee: Go with honesty. Tell him you did something stupid that you regret, but it has brought up other issues. Then I would tackle the issue head on and tell him what you saw and how uneasy it makes you. Tell him you’re sorry for what you did, but you can’t unsee it now and while you were so relieved to see his response that he would never be unfaithful, him hanging out with his friend makes you very uncomfortable.
I know you goofed, and you’ll have to apologize for sure, but seriously.. just be honest.
Post # 5
Admit to what you did, apoologize, commend him for his faithfulness, and then bring up your concerns about this friend.
Post # 6
your FI is a grown man capable of making his own decisions. If he’s going to cheat, he will cheat regardless of if he is egged on by a friend. If he isn’t going to cheat, he won’t cheat regardlesss of being egged on.
You can’t attempt to have your FI live in a bubble without “temptation,” People need to exercise self control regardless of their surroundings. People’s true character shows when temptation is around them.
Post # 8
@MrsWBS: True, too. But people also make mistakes, especially when alcohol and peer pressure are involved. Character is honed over time. But luckily it sounds as though the OP has nothing to worry about. Her FI’s responses were perfect.
Post # 9
@Sunfire: +1 My thought was “why play with fire?”
Post # 10
Just curious, what prompted you to snoop through his phone in the first place?
Post # 11
@MrsWBS: I agree with this.
No one can force someone to cheat unless they are already willing to cheat. Your fiance clearly stated he is not interested in finding other women. I would just trust your fiance on this.
Post # 12
@badabing88: Yeah, my theory is I trust you with my life but don’t put yourself in the position to even appear to be doing something shady.
Post # 14
@Sunfire: Precisely. Also, personally, I wouldnt want to surround myself with people that are encouraging me to do something I am against. That’s not a “friend”.
Post # 15
@sophy33bee: What a weirdo. Who cares if there’s “temptation” that doesn’t mean you ditch self-control. I’d just be honest with him and tell him you were being nosy and read his texts and that it bothered you. That would seriously bother me too and I wouldn’t hesitate to be honest about what I had done. I think the company you keep can sometimes reflect on you, and in some cases corrupt you. So if his friend keeps doing stuff like that and trying to convince him to cheat, it’s probably best that he doesn’t maintain that relationship. But that’s a decision he will have to make if it gets to that point.
Post # 16
@badabing88: You’re right! He’s a loser, not a friend at all.