Fiance's Not So Wonderful Ex (Long Rant)

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1103 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Vent away! We are here to listen 🙂 It sounds like you’ve been doing the best you can with a bad situation.  

Post # 4
7055 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It sounds to me like J needs to get a proper custody agreement. It’s not right that the mother has all the control. (And I hope J is paying support money too).

Post # 5
857 posts
Busy bee

@TKG83:  wow that’s stressy, glad your man totally seems to have your back on everything tho!

Post # 6
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Wow.  Well major props to you for staying so calm, logical and patient while someone so unreasonable is in the forefront of your life.  So sorry you’re having to deal with this!  Sounds like you and J are a great team and J and B are lucky to have you!  Good luck and I hope that this woman can get herself under control enough to stop putting you all in such an awful position! 

Post # 7
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@TKG83:  what a nut job.  why can’t women like this just accept the fact that it’s over?  period.  she’s just simply embarrassing herself now.

if i were your fi, i would have you in the car with me every time i took B home to his mother.  see how the ex reacts then.  if she makes a big deal of it, your fi can tell her it’s to prevent her from embarrassing herself any further.

i also agree with @paula1248: in regards to getting a proper custody agreement in place.

Post # 8
1104 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

WOW. This is ridiculous. You poor thing need to vent! While your FI’s wagon will be hitched to hers until his son is 18 anyway, it shouldn’t be so hostile or dramatic. If you stick to your boundaries and guns, it should improve over time I hope!

Post # 9
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

One of my friends is now a step mother and I commend her everyday for the trials and tribulations she goes through with the crazy EX.  I can’t say it will get better, but I commend you for taking on this role in the childs life. 

Hang in there and know that you are giving the child a loving environment to feel comfortable and safe in.

Kuddos to you!

Post # 10
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I’ve been there. FI’s ex sent me hatemail, believed I was trying to replace her as a mother, tried to get back together with FI, all kinds of crazy. The good news? there’s light at the end of the tunnel. SS is 4 now and we all get along and co-parent together. She and I are on good terms, she even says she considers me family and calls me SS’s other mommy. You and your FI know what’s what. You have a loving relationship, you support each other and you focus on building a respectful, loving and safe home for all 3 of you. Crazy pants will eventually snap out of it, I promise. In our case, she met someone else and it was like a switch flipped and she became a different person. Just focus on your life with your FI and soon to be stepson and do your best to regard the whacko stuff she says as just white noise. Easier said than done, I know, but while being the bigger person isn’t easy, it’s the way to go. 


My FI bends over backwards to accomodate his ex, he helps her with household tasks when she asks, we’re always available for last minute schedule changes, he’s always ready to help if she asks. It used to bother me how available he made himself to her but once we talked about it, I saw the wisdom in what he was doing. When she got going, the ex was crazy. She would attack me, though she didn’t know me. When that wouldn’t work she would try to attack my FI and his abilities as a father. My FI never gave her an inch though. He never let her or their son down as a father so she never really had any ground to stand on. and when she couldn’t come up with any examples of the times he had supposedly abandoned his son, she saw pretty quickly that she was  being irrational.  

Post # 12
919 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@TKG83:  yikes. My mom is my dad’s crazy ex. Hopefully, things will get better over time. Unfortunately the kid is still a kid so she’ll probably try to take advantage of that to manipulate the situation. Just know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Post # 13
1340 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@TKG83:  I bet you’re right that she’ll calm down once she meets someone and it works out. It sounds like she’s green with envy towards you and your FI. I don;t have any advice for you other than continuing to rise above it.

Post # 14
85 posts
Worker bee

It soooo doenst have to be this way!  She honestly sounds obsessed with your FI and maybe needs some distance.  My ex needed that too and i resorted to telling him emails ONLY for a few months And ONLY about childcare arrangements.  He did not get better until he stopped isolating himself, got a job and a girlfriend.  Some people have a lot of trouble letting go of the past!  We all also now get along, including my fiances ex wife, who is like a best friend to me now.  

Post # 16
69 posts
Worker bee

I am sorry girl. That lady sounds like a big headache to deal. Its always hard when  little ones are involved. You would think she would be thankful that her son has another good influence around him.

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