Fiance's parents didn't congratulate us on our engagement. (rant)

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1107 posts
Bumble bee

@vintagebride143:  I’m so sorry you just experienced this. 🙁 Engagement is such a time of elation that this can really ruin it if you let it. My advice? Don’t let it. You said yourself that your fiance doesn’t have the best relationship with his parents. You also said they hate you for no reason. I wouldn’t say “hate,” but you are right about it being for no reason. They would do this with anyone. You seem to know their character pretty well already, so just remember that when it all seems crazy and mean and immature (which it is – all of those things). Focus on your family, and how happy they all are. Focus on your friends and loved ones who have nothing but kind things to say to you. Shrug off his family’s coldness and don’t let it ruin this awesome time of your life. Again…so sorry you have felt unloved by them.

Post # 4
Member
417 posts
Helper bee

@vintagebride143:  I’m sorry this happened!  I totally understand and can feel for you!  

My FIL’s are very uninterested in anything we talk about when it comes to wedding stuff.  OHHH except when we changed our plans to get married here in town and go to Vegas.  They think we are paying for them to fly out there, paying for their room (we are renting a house).  Unfortunately, when we told them we were going, that wasn’t an invitation to them.  My FI doesn’t want his mother there, which is a LONG story in itself!

Hopefully, it will get better and your FIL’s will soften up, but if they are cold and unaffectionate by nature, don’t let it stress you out to much.  It is what it is!  🙁

Post # 6
Member
1107 posts
Bumble bee

@vintagebride143:  If I were you, I would still care about them. I know how it can feel to have a strained relationship with your SO’s family. When me and my husband were dating, his sisters reallyyy hated me and always talked behind my back. One of them actually got forced to call me and apologize. Later I found out that his parents were not happy when we first started dating. They called me immature and rude and other hurtful things. But…time heals most (not all) wounds. We have a wonderful relationship now and yes, it hurts to think about things they have said or ways they’ve acted, but all I can do is keep loving them and move forward – after all, they’re family now.

Post # 9
Member
1619 posts
Bumble bee

Is it possible that “this choice” is marriage (not you in particular)?  Perhaps they just feel that he isn’t ready for marriage (school, debts, job etc) and their displeasure isn’t about you specifically, but rather the idea of marriage in general. 

Post # 10
Member
2429 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

@vintagebride143:  How long have you been together? Have they ever snubbed you in the past?

I’m fairly certain, after 11 years, that my MIL hates me. DH’s parents are divorced however, and my FIL and I get along just fine. 

But I’d be happy to lend a listening ear if you need it, and tips to prevent stress on the big day if they’re still acting this cold and rotten toward you.

Hope it gets better! Feel free to PM me to vent if you need to 🙂

Post # 11
Member
11002 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Do you and your FI’s parents have any obvious, major differences that potentially could be a factor in their lack of enthusiasm for your engagement?

Post # 13
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

We are in pretty much the exact same situation!  FMIL hates me because she would hate anyone marrying her son, so she makes up ridiculous reasons why I’m terrible.  When FI told them he was going to propose, she tried to talk him out of it.  The first time we saw them after the engagement, they didn’t acknowledge it at all.  In fact, when FI called them right after the proposal to tell them I said yes, I could hear his mom on the other end and she changed the topic!  My FSIL is my saving grace – she always talks to her mom and tries to set her straight.

The important thing to remember is that it’s not you and it’s not personal – they would be acting the same way no matter who he was marrying.  Eventually they’ll either have to come around or accept that this behavior prevents them from really being in their son’s life.  Maybe if your FI talks to them and puts it that way – that not accepting you and his marriage to you will make it hard for them to be close – they’ll realize they need to change.

Post # 14
Member
534 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Ugh, I would just ignore them and their snark.  My FI’s parents didn’t congratulate me on our engagement either.  His dad likes me but his mom is having trouble letting go of her baby boy.  It was his dad who asked to see the ring and wanted to know the date and our plans…his mom just kind of ignored the whole thing.

It really sounds like they are awful, but I’m glad your FI is on your side.  

Post # 15
Member
4540 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Royalton White Sands

My FFIL didn’t congratulate us on our engagement either. His reaction to my (round solitaire) engagement ring was, “Is that a promise ring?” and when we told him that we were engaged, he just said, “Oh, I wasn’t expecting that.” A year later, he still hasn’t said anything about it. 

I’ve just had to learn not to let it bother me, and, as terrible as you must be feeling right now, you will too. There’s no sense in being angry about it for long, because it won’t make anything better. But it definitely does not feel good!

Post # 16
Member
1535 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

That really sucks! I’m sorry you’re going through this, especially after 8 years!!! I’ve had some ups and downs with the future in laws, but not like this :/

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