Post # 1
So, my fiance lives 5 hours away from me. I drive down often to visit him and he has a roommate that is not so welcoming. When I am down there, his room mate always wonders when I’ll be leaving and how long I’ll be staying. He isn’t concerned with my well being or being friendly.
Just fyi, I usually only stay the weekend, then head back home.
But I recently was admitted to a Nursing College in the same town as my fiance so I have since been staying in his apartment for the past few days. The reason for my stay is to find a job and settle into my own apartment because obviously his roommate does not want me living with them and I wanted to be closer to my fiance and be working/making money. Because as you know, I will be starting school in August and wanted to move down sooner. (which I did get a job today! :))
Funny thing is, I have only stayed in their apartment for a week. His roommate has asked 3 times when I am leaving. He claims he is worried about the electricity bill (as I am writing this, he left his light and fan in his room on for the past hour while he has been at school).
As for me, I am not messy. I clean up after myself and buy things for their apartment. I am much cleanier than their friend who is over all the time. My fiance and I don’t make-out in front of his roommate or do anything to make him uncomfortable, but he still thinks 3 is company.
The best part is, he spends 90% of his time in his room playing on his computer. (Even when I’m not in town).
But the good thing is, I landed a job today and will be getting my own apartment soon. My fiance is fed up with his roommate and so am I. We have done nothing wrong and I haven’t been rude. His roommate is very OCD and gets on to my fiance about everything he does.
I’m just curious as to what you bees think about this?
Post # 3
I think it’s kind of rude for one roommate to invite an extended houseguest without clearing it first. Having another person in the house really does contribute to bills. It’s also another person using limited space and resources (like bathrooms!). I think it really depends on how often you are there too. Every week or every other (and living there now!) is really a lot of visiting to be considered a guest and not an additional tenant/roommate.
I’d just find an apartment and get out of there as soon as possible, since that will make everyone’s life easier.
Post # 4
Well first off, it is a two bedroom/two bathroom apartment. His roommates parents pay the bills for him.
And I’m just staying until I find my own place.
They are on a shared water bill with a fixed rate.
Post # 5
Sounds like he may either be a control freak or he’s jealous of your relationship. I could see it if you stayed for 5 days out of 7 for months on end and never contributed b/c there are free-loaders out there but you are definetely not one of them.
Congrats on school, on your new job, on your move & on your engagement. Sounds like you have lots going on & don’t have time for such nonsense. Just play nice, kill him with kindness for as long as you are there and find your own place asap.
Good luck with everything!
Post # 7
Why can’t your bf and you get your own place when his lease is up and forget the room mate?
Post # 8
lpisanelli : Well we are actually going to do that. I just needed a place to stay while I waited for interviews.
Their lease should be up in May so then we won’t have problems after that.
Post # 9
@msfahrenheit: Yeah, I kind of agree with this. The roommate might feel like his personal space is being encroached upon, and he might feel like he HAS to stay in his room.
OP, I’m not blaming you for anything, but very introverted people have very defined boundaries about their domain because it’s their “safe haven.” It stresses them out to be “on” socially, and having additional people in the house my put a strain on their down time, which is the time one takes to recharge. He might not have rude intentions with you, but he needs for himself assurance that he will get to relax again soon, without feeling like he has to walk on eggshells, be out of sight from people, or interact constantly. Knowing in advance when “relief” will be on the way is helping him to amp himself up for the extra company in the household. Don’t take it personally.
Post # 10
@MissA916: I can sort of see where the other roommate is coming from. I always feel weird just assuming that I am welcome to stay at my bf’s apartment even though we have been together for 3 years AND the utilities are included by the building (ie: water, heat, electric)! I think you should have a conversation with him and see if you can contribute towards anything in the apartment. My bf’s current roommate is very laid back and although I have a key to the apt I still ring the doorbell before just walking in. I also clean up after them.
Also, my boyfriend has had 3 different roommates in the past 3 years. The first roommate did not want me there no matter what I did to contribute (even scrubbing their scummy bathroom floors- eww!), I felt very unwelcome and so it made things really uncomfortable. It turns out he was going through emotional issues and was sort of an alcoholic and wanted his own downtime and personal space to just cope with it all.
Post # 11
I agree with lpisanelli. When the lease is up, you and your bf just go on your merry way and find a new place. Though roomate’s behavior may seem unreasonable, you can’t force someone to be welcoming. Don’t waste your precious time worrying about it. May is right around the corner. Play nice and take the ecape happily.
Post # 12
Well, I understand what you all are saying. I just think it is also rude on his part to be so unwelcoming even when I wasn’t staying for a week.
I have offered to help pay rent for my one week stay but he declined. I also do as much as I can to clean and take care of the apartment. I just never knew that I could be such a burden to stay and job search. It just didn’t make any sense to drive 5 hours back home and get a call back from a company in town and have to drive 5 hours back to interview.
Post # 13
This is a new town for both my fiance and I. The only people I know are my fiance and his friends here. So If I had family in town, I probably would of stayed with them. That probably wouldn’t have caused me so much trouble.
Post # 14
I think it is rude of him to mention it to you, but I don’t think he has any reason to go out of his way to make you feel comfortable in the apartment or care for your well being.
I know in the past for me, even when I have really liked roommate’s SO’s I’ve always been happy when they leave. It just never felt as much like “my apartment” when they were there. I like feeling totally comfortable in my place, and never did if someone who was basically a stranger to me was there.
You were only there a week this time, but you did say you were there often.
Post # 15
@CoCoCourtney: Yeah. This is what I was trying to get at. It’s not to slight you, OP, but he just wants to feel “at home” in his home.
Post # 16
CoCoCourtney: It isn’t about caring for my well being. It’s about being nice. Has anyone ever heard about that before?? Nice.
and I visit my fiance on the weekends like every 2-3 weeks or so. I have a right to visit my fiance. and those days.. I only stay for a few days.
does anyone know anything about being nice and accomodating anymore? I guess not.