Post # 1
So my fiance has 2 sisters 22 and 26. I have never had a dramatic or poor time with them, however our relationship consists of Hi, how are you, hows work, see you later.. every other Sunday at dinner at his parents house. There is no depth to our relationship, they haven’t asked any questions about the wedding and barely said congratulations the day we got engaged. ANYWAYS im struggling with how to not hurt feelings but also have my best and closest friends in my bridal party rather than his sisters that I hardly know anything about. What other jobs or honors could I have them do in the wedding besides being a bridesmaid?? Any ideas, I dont want to start my new married life on a bad note, but I also am having a hard time asking them to be a bridesmaid when they show little to no interest in the wedding. HELP!
Post # 3
I think it’s a great opportunity to get to know them better. My DH is an only child, but he had both of my brothers as groomsmen. I know that they would have been disappointed to not have been included.
I don’t think you have to choose between having friends and your DF’s sisters.
Post # 4
You could have them be readers.
If you do ask them to be BMs it could be a way to start to build a relationship with his sisters. The more you do with people the more you get to know them and to bond.
Post # 5
I guess I just have a hard time because the girls next to me are my closest and most cherished friends and it is a huge honor to be a bridesmaid… And when they show zero interest in anything regarding the wedding I have a hard time sending out the same invitation.
Post # 6
@kruss25: I added FI’s sister as a BM- I thought it would be a good way for us to get to know each other better and I felt it wasn’t worth risking hurt feelings. Though FI’s sister was asking me about wedding stuff and offered to help with the wedding, so our situation isn’t exactly the same. I don’t think being a reader is really an “honor” but if you really don’t want them in the wedding, I would maybe take them to a sister lunch and make sure they had a corsage or some flowers to wear during the wedding to make them feel special.
ETA: They may not be asking about the wedding because they don’t want to assume they are involved. After they are BMs, they could very well step up and be excited- you just don’t know until you ask. ;-/
Post # 7
@kruss25: If there’s no real connection, don’t force it just for the wedding purposes. You have a lifetime to build a relationship with them.
Yes, it’s a super nice gesture! But honestly, if they were interested they would likely ask you or your FI. It’s ok to not be super close with your future in-laws.
I might be in the minority, but I wouldn’t want “acquaintances” involved with bridal party festivities. Not because I have an issue with them or I don’t want them involved with the wedding, but because I want to be able to act like my care-free self with all my girls. I’d be worried that they felt excluded or out of our circle…
Post # 8
Does your FI want his sisters to be included?
Post # 9
My FI is fine with them not being in my bridal party he doesn’t expect it because he agrees we aren’t close in a friendship sense. Thank you all for your help!
Post # 10
I have a similar issue but, mine is a rather mean person so maybe a little different. I first and foremost spoke with my man about the situation. We went back and fourth about it. To make a long story short it’s hands down YOUR day. You should have whoever YOU want by your side in those special moments leading up to that big moment. I did not put her in my wedding and all our other siblings are but stuff has happened that was cruel so that made it easy for me. it’s what is best for you I think!
Post # 11
If your FI is fine with you not putting them as your BMs, then do what makes YOU happy.
The first thing I learned about planning a wedding is, no matter what you say or do or plan or not, someone is always going to have an issue with it. Wether they don’t like the food, or the flowers, or your BMs, or your dress! It all comes down to what YOU want and what makes YOU happy.
You can always include them in your bridal shower, engagement party, rehearsal dinner… but if you feel uncomfortable having them in your bridal party, then don’t do it.
Best of luck and congrats!
Post # 12
I’m not having his sister as a BM and FI is perfectly fine with it. She hasn’t shown any interest in the wedding, so she’s not going to be apart of it. I wanted my best friends by my side, and that’s what I’m doing.
Post # 13
@kruss25: I asked FI’s SIL to be my BM since I asked him to ask my brother to be a groomsman. I thought it would be fun since I get along with her (or so I thought)…boy have i been wrong so far. LOL I think asking them would be a good opportunity, but if you only want your friends…then i wouldn’t worry too much about it. Its your wedding, I don’t think they would be dissapointed if you guys aren’t close.
Post # 14
I’m was going through a very similar situation! My FI has 2 sisters. They are both excited about the wedding and very supportive. However, one of them is like a friend to me and the other is more like a little sister because she is much younger. I already have a lot of close friends that I want to have as BMs so I couldn’t have both. So I’m having one as a BM and the younger one as my bridal assistant with her own special dress. I talked with her about what I would like help with and she’s happy to have a special title so it worked out with no feelings hurt 🙂 In your case, if you aren’t close to them and they don’t seem to show much interest in the wedding I would not ask them. I would ask them to be hosts. Get corsages for them, as someone else suggested and maybe ask that they wear the same color as the bridal party and that’s it. You want people that support you and that you’re close to in your bridal party. It’s your day!
Post # 15
They don’t need “jobs of honor” or to be a part of the bridal party. Seat them with their parents. The parents tables are honor tables anyway as they are usually closest to the bride and groom.
Post # 16
I think it can be an especially nice gesture to include FSILs if you are having BMs and vive versa with groomsmen and brothers of the bride. It doesn’t have to be an either or thing. These women may be in your life a lot longer than your friends, so I look at it as about future as much as present relationships. You can’t go wrong by being the one to extend yourself and it might just bring you closer.