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do you guys feel like it is mandatory to ask your future sister-in-laws to be a part of your wedding party?
in my case, yes. FH has only one sibling, his sister who is one year younger than i am, who lives in the same city we do, so it would have been totally awkward if i had not asked her. there was no reason i shouldn't.
however, i dont think in every case it's 100% neccesary. like if he has 4 sisters, you probably aren't required to ask all of them. or if she doesn't like you very much. or if she's really young. just thinking out loud here.
however, if none of those apply, then i think it's the nice thing to do. a good way of saying "we're family now" or some BS like that ;)
I don't know...I would be interested in seeing what people say. My now husband has one step-sister (although my husband always just calls her his sister, and they have known each other for a while) who is our age but is married and has a little girl. Her daughter was our flower girl, so I felt like I didn't need to ask the sister to be in the wedding. We are fairly close now, but she lives far away and I didn't feel like she wanted to be in the wedding.
My husband's brother has been with his girlfriend for 6+ years, and looking back I do feel like maybe we should have asked her to be in the wedding. But, she was a reader, and we only had one, and I don't feel like she was upset that she wasn't a bridesmaid.
My FSIL is going to be one of my bridemaids because I actually like her a lot, haha. And she is FI's only sibling and we're all close in age. I agree with @mayeast06 for reasons NOT to have FSIL(s) in your wedding party though. For us, it worked out perfectly because my brother (only sibling for me) will be one of FI's groomsman. I wouldn't say it's always mandatory; there are lots of factors to consider. But if it's convenient, and you are close to your FSIL, then I say yes!
No, not necessarily. If it's an even trade or something, yes. I told my husband I didn't want to ask his sister to be in my wedding party b/c we aren't very close (plus she's 5 years older than me) and it wasn't like my brother would have been a groomsman since he passed away a year or so ago. Otherwise, we would have "traded". BUt no, I never felt obligated. We ended up having her stand on his side in a black dress with a sash that all my bridesmaids worse and we gave her a bouquet too
Well since you're asking the question, can you give us details on the circumstances?
I don't know if it's absolutely necessary, but if my Dh had sisters I would have asked them. I think it shows good will in trying to foster some new family relationships.
Personally, I don't think it's mandatory, but I think it's a really, really good idea to ask. But I'm the kind of person who thinks family comes first when you're dealing with weddings. For example, my FI's cousin got married recently, and the bride didn't ask the groom's sister to be a part of the wedding party, and the family was hurt by it, especially because they were very similar in age and lived in town. The groom was really traditional and didn't want girls on his side, either. It didn't cause any bad blood or anything, but you know, there was some disappointment.
Just think of it this way: it's a really nice way to kick off becoming a part of the family :) Unless of course, really have good reasons not to.
Not mandatory in my opinion, but since we only have one sibling each, we want them stand up there with us.
It's not mandatory, and certainly depends on situations, but I do think it is a very nice gesture and demonstrates a desire to strengthen family and community ties.
Of course, if one partner is uncomfortable with the idea, you can always go the non-traditional route and have bridesboys and groomsgirls. Or just a general wedding party and avoid gender-specific titles or the idea of "who's side".
Yes, I think it is. Weddings are about starting a new family and I think part of that is including your siblings in the wedding party if possible. There are a few exceptions, but if they want to be a part, I would do it.
Traditionally... yes. However, if she s not from town or if there are like 6 then no you don't have to. But if he has several ask them ALL do not ask one and not the other if they re all in the same city...trust me, good luck!
I vote generally on this one, though there are definitely circumstances for which it's a different case like those mentioned above. I'm guessing you may not want to if you're asking, so some elaboration might be helpful :)
There would clearly be some circumstances in which it would not be a big deal if you didn't... However, in my opinion, its important to have immediate family members play a part in the wedding. I will have my FSIL as a bridesmaid. We're not super close, but we get along and have known each other almost as long as I've known him. I hope we become closer eventually, b/c neither of us has a sister (I'm an only child, boo!). Plus, it's just a small attempt you can make to show that your families are coming together... cause when it comes down to it... though the couple is marrying, your families are coming together as well. And who knows... your relationship with your FSIL may be longer than some of the friends you have in your wedding party. Ha... my boss was the MOH for a friend of like 10 years... a month after the wedding they had like a friend break up. lol.
I also think what ejs4y8 did was a lovely idea... at least the sister was a part of the wedding
I do not think it is necessary!
If you want them there to spend your day with you GREAT if not ask who you really want to have there!
thanks for all the responses!
the situation is that his sister lives in our town (although the wedding will be where my parents are living, around 4 hours away)... and it is his only sibling. i guess i feel "okay" about her, but i'm not writing home about her-- if that makes sense. she is around 10 years older... has a baby... married for a long time, etc. i guess in my mind, when i imagine the "right before the wedding time," i think about me and my best friends giggling and talking about all of our fun times in the past... and his sister might be an awkward addition to that time. does that make sense? i just don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
Not necessary, but nice if you get along with her or your fiance really wants her in the wedding.
I have a brother (well two, but one is only 4) and he has one sister so we just decided that we wanted both in our wedding. I would have probably asked anyway because its become a nice opportunity to do things together and I'd like to have a really good relationship with all the inlaws.
My FI has 2 teenage sisters, and I have 2 brothers in their late 30s. Originally we were having none of them stand up, but all of them contribute in the ceremony. Now I wish I had asked his sisters, so instead I had dresses made for them to coordinate with the bridesmaids, and they're hanging out with the bridal party over the wedding weekend. By the end of your planning you'll probably be closer to her than you are now, and you may wish you had asked. That's been my experience!
I think it depends on your relationship with the sisters. In my situation my fiance's two sisters do not live in town, they are great girls, but at the same time I don't have anything in common with them. I only asked them in the wedding because i felt like I had too. If i could have done it again, I would have discussed the situation with my fiance first and maybe involved them in something else, but not as bridesmaids. I feel like bridesmaids are way for the bride to share her special moment with her closet friends.
If you're worried about hurting feelings, I'd include her. I really loved having my SIL there with me while we were getting ready, and I think it gave us a good opportunity to bond. I would feel terribly left out, and I have a cousin who is really upset that her FSIL isn't including her. If you're lukewarm, it's a wonderful gesture and a great way to start building more ties with her.
I don't think it's necessary. I think of the wedding party as comprised of your best friends (blood related or not). It's your best friends who will want to help you out on your wedding day, plan a shower, and/or plan a bachelorette (and not mind shelling out money to be in your wedding party) - simply because they love you and want the best for you. If you are not particularly close to your FSIL or not on the same wavelength in terms of where you are in life (ie; she has a family and is not interested in a girls night out or showing up to the wedding early for makeup/hair when she has little kids to take care of), having her in your wedding party will probably take some fun out of things. In some cases, you may feel subconscious resentment when she doesn't seem interested in the events that are "all about you".
Some families find that really important and others may not care. I would say have your FH inquire with his mom as to what she thinks. Some people take it very personally, I wouldn't care that much- it's a big and expensive job, you can leave me out!
technically, no. But if you have half a brain and want to start your new relationship w/ his fam on the right foot, invite her. ;) Why even put yourself in the situation to have to explain purposely leaving them out? They can decline, if they're not interested.
HaHa! Great question! Well ... according my FSIL (who is also getting married this year) said "you should never include a SIL in wedding party! It just ruins the pictures when the SIL's marriage breaks up!"
totally not necessary to invite her! i wasn't in my brother's wedding, or my FSIL when she was married last month....and neither will be in mine. my feelings weren't hurt at all - as we all live far away from each other and haven't had time to build a relationship. i love them both - but I agree - you want your best friends by your side right before you walk down the aisle!
It's not mandatory, but it's a good idea to help form the new family relationships. My FI has 2 sisters, both live in the same area several hundred miles away from me. I asked the one closer to my age (since I talk to her more often) to be a BM.
I did not include my two FSIL in the wedding. His dad is marrying us, his one sister is performing the readings and is the mother of the flower girl, and his other sister is singing a solo during the ceremony. I truly believe that it is okay to pick the bridesmaids that represent you and where you are coming from. There are other wonderful ways to include family in the service. And you can always invite people to come over and hang out when you are getting ready. It's just a silly dress and a silly title when you think about it!
I think it is mandatory. You are starting your lives together and becoming each other's family. By asking your FSIL to be a bridesmaid you're saying to her that you think of her as family, (after all, you'd ask your own sister to be in the bridal party). Think of it not as she's just standing up for you but she's standing up for your hubby, just on the opposite side.
As an anecdote, my FH's brother got married a few years ago. His wife didn't ask her FSIL, (FH's sister), to be in the wedding. FSIL REALLY resented her for it especially because FH WAS in the wedding so she was the only sibling of the three not in it. It's about 5 years later and they still don't have a good relationship because FSIL feels very slighted.
I decided to make my sister-in-law a bridesmaid even though we weren't close, but we've grown a lot closer since. She was very touched and the wedding planning has given lots of opportunities for us to hang out. She's more like a sister now and I'm glad I added her :)
@sillygoose: With that additional info, considering the big age difference, would your fiance consider having his sister as his "best woman"? I think that might make more sense. Also, try to find out from him if his sister would want to be one of your BMs if he's not really feeling having her on side side. If he thinks she would be hurt if she wasn't included, I would ask her. But if he doesn't think it would be a big deal, and you think having her in the party would be awkward, maybe ask her to play another important role?
No, I don't think so. We had a smallish wedding (75 people) and I only wanted my closest friends up there with me, which ended up being my best friend and my cousin who I'm close to. His sister and I get along, but she's more of a tomboy, very independent, and lives in another state so I honestly never even considered asking her. I don't think she felt left out and she probably would have been a bit annoyed if I asked and she felt obligated to do it and have to buy the dress and all.
It really depends on the situation. But there's no better way to show your intention of joining two families then asking her. She can always say no.
I'm NOT asking my FI's two sisters to be bridesmaids. I'm not close to them, they're younger, and, quite frankely - they're spoiled brats. My two brothers will actually not be groomsmen, either, so it won't be noticeable to others, but they're still, of course, being brats about it. Honestly, I don't care - my bridesmaids (actually just one MOH) is the only thing in our wedding that I have control over (besides my dress) and I'm not backing down and doing something I REALLY don't want to just to make them happy.
I'm not asking my FI's sister to be in the wedding party. We discussed it when we began planning, and with her son (5 yrs old) and the fact that we're not close at all..it seemed forced and more awkward for her to be included! She'll already be at the rehearsal dinner, etc, so it's not like she'll be excluded from anything. I don't think she cares. I'm also not expecting FI to include my (three) brothers in his side of the wedding party. They'll be ushers or something!
I don't think its absolutely necessary. Every situation is different!
My FI's sister will be in my wedding because she is only a few years older than I am and I really get along with her. And it helps that we will be family :)
nope - we're not inviting my brother OR his (half) sister into our wedding party. We're just not close to them.
Nope. My OWN sister is not in my wedding party. Pick who you want. But still be gracious about it, definitely.
I don't think it's necessary but highly reccomended. Afterall she will soon be family. You will be seeing her on tons of family functions for the rest of your life. My FI's sister is going to be a bridesmaid. It just felt right to have her included since our bridal party consists of the people most important to us.
I wanted my FI's little sister to be in ours--I didn't feel right about leaving her out. I think it depends on the size of your wedding party, the number of siblings you both have, their age, and how close they are to your FI. It's easier to not include them if you have a small wedding party.
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