My fiance has two sisters and two stepbrothers. I have one sister and one brother. All of them are in the wedding party except for one sister.
I didnt ask her to be a bridesmaid because her husband and two children are in the wedding. I am not very close to her, my fiance is very close to her husband, they used to work together.
I have heard that she is upset for not being in the wedding party because every other sibling is. I definitely didn't want to make her feel left out. I just figured it would be easier for the family, I will need help with her kids(4 and 2) because they are the flowergirl and ringbearer. Now, I feel awful, but it is to late to change anything. My wedding is two weeks away and this is the first I have heard of her feeling bad about it.
I have closer friends and family I wanted next to me. But I am totally second guessing my decision. Advice?
With two weeks out, there isn't much you can do, but perhaps to strengthen the ties, you can reach out to her and indicate you are thankful she's there to help coordinate the flowergirl and ring bearer - essentially, make her feel that even though she's not officially part of the party, she's still important/contributing.
It's probably too late for her to get a matching dress, but why not have her dress nice and walk down with the kids. They will probably need a little push to make it down the aisle anyway, and she could walk behind them. Get her flowers, and include her in pictures.
I think you can still recognize her as an honored guests by giving her corsage or flowers to carry. Also make sure she is included in pictures, definitely a sibling only picture as well.
I am in a similar situation. All of my siblings are in our wedding, but my FI sister is not. Again, we're not that close for her to be a bridesmaid and her 3 and 4 year old kids are flower girl and ring bearer. I really want her to help with them, because I don't want them throwing fits during the ceremony.
Something I thought about doing, was asking her to cut the cake. That way, she's a part of the wedding, but not the actual ceremony where she'll need to watch her kids. You could also have her be in charge of guestbook, hand out programs, be the person that stands at the gift table when people arrive at the reception. Good luck!
Have your FI talk to his sister - you stay out of it. Have him say something to her like "Paige is so relieved that you are going to be there helping out with the kids and are able to put out any last-minute fires." Do you know what I mean? Have him convey to her in a subtle way that she is an important part of the day - which she is - and that might make her feel better.
I'm going to be in the minority here, but giving her a "job" to do such as cutting your cake or handing our programs is exactly that...getting her to work at your wedding. It doesn't exactly say "I'm so glad we're family", to me it says " You're not important enough to be in my wedding, but I do need you to work at it". I would give her a corsage or smaller bouquet, whatever your mothers or other special guests have. I would also buy her a small gift to thank her for helping with her kids and husband on the day of and write her a little note.
That is one of the Southern traditions that I hate the most. Who wants to be invited as a guest and then made to spend the better part of the reception working? Argh. Gotta love the South.
my FI has only one sister and she is not a bridesmaid. several weeks after i made the decision, it got back to us that she was upset. i chose not to have her as a bridesmaid bc i wanted to be surrounded by people i knew and that i was comfortable with. i barely know her and i didnt think to ask her bc we aren't close.
in the end, she does have a job. not sur eif she's going to do it yet. But i plan to have a really nice corsage made for her, on the level of the mothers. and she will be escorted down the aisle by one of the ushers before the mothers.
had I known it would have caused drama, i probably would have put her in the the wedparty to play nice. but whats done is done. i can only think to offer your fsil the invitation to get ready with you before the wedding. be involved in whatever pampering and services you have lined up for the rest of the girls.
I don't think she wants to feel "needed" - she wants to feel special, and not left out of people you have honored. Is there a part of the ceremony she can do? Something the officiant is already planning like a prayer of some sort? I would look for a way to honor her - she feels right to feel left out as the only sibling not in the wedding party.
Other things you can do are to make sure you grab her and tell the photographer you want a pic of the two of you together, maybe mention her at the rehearsal dinner if you will give a speech to the guests, give her a bouquet the day of the wedding, etc etc
Okay, I need advice.
My fiance has two sisters and two stepbrothers. I have one sister and one brother. All of them are in the wedding party except for one sister.
I didnt ask her to be a bridesmaid because her husband and two children are in the wedding. I am not very close to her, my fiance is very close to her husband, they used to work together.
I have heard that she is upset for not being in the wedding party because every other sibling is. I definitely didn't want to make her feel left out. I just figured it would be easier for the family, I will need help with her kids(4 and 2) because they are the flowergirl and ringbearer. Now, I feel awful, but it is to late to change anything. My wedding is two weeks away and this is the first I have heard of her feeling bad about it.
I have closer friends and family I wanted next to me. But I am totally second guessing my decision. Advice?
posted by paigemericle Wannabee: 1 posts 6 months agoWith two weeks out, there isn't much you can do, but perhaps to strengthen the ties, you can reach out to her and indicate you are thankful she's there to help coordinate the flowergirl and ring bearer - essentially, make her feel that even though she's not officially part of the party, she's still important/contributing.
posted by missm Busy bee: 784 posts 6 months agoYou could maybe ask her to be in your (extended) wedding party as a Reader or Usher?
posted by mrbee Helper bee: 398 posts 6 months agoIt's probably too late for her to get a matching dress, but why not have her dress nice and walk down with the kids. They will probably need a little push to make it down the aisle anyway, and she could walk behind them. Get her flowers, and include her in pictures.
posted by Candi1024 Helper bee: 357 posts 6 months agoI think you can still recognize her as an honored guests by giving her corsage or flowers to carry. Also make sure she is included in pictures, definitely a sibling only picture as well.
posted by cbkj Worker bee: 78 posts 6 months agoI am in a similar situation. All of my siblings are in our wedding, but my FI sister is not. Again, we're not that close for her to be a bridesmaid and her 3 and 4 year old kids are flower girl and ring bearer. I really want her to help with them, because I don't want them throwing fits during the ceremony.
Something I thought about doing, was asking her to cut the cake. That way, she's a part of the wedding, but not the actual ceremony where she'll need to watch her kids. You could also have her be in charge of guestbook, hand out programs, be the person that stands at the gift table when people arrive at the reception. Good luck!
posted by kourtann Worker bee: 119 posts 6 months agoHave your FI talk to his sister - you stay out of it. Have him say something to her like "Paige is so relieved that you are going to be there helping out with the kids and are able to put out any last-minute fires." Do you know what I mean? Have him convey to her in a subtle way that she is an important part of the day - which she is - and that might make her feel better.
posted by jma19 Helper bee: 481 posts 6 months agoI'm going to be in the minority here, but giving her a "job" to do such as cutting your cake or handing our programs is exactly that...getting her to work at your wedding. It doesn't exactly say "I'm so glad we're family", to me it says " You're not important enough to be in my wedding, but I do need you to work at it". I would give her a corsage or smaller bouquet, whatever your mothers or other special guests have. I would also buy her a small gift to thank her for helping with her kids and husband on the day of and write her a little note.
That is one of the Southern traditions that I hate the most. Who wants to be invited as a guest and then made to spend the better part of the reception working? Argh. Gotta love the South.
posted by KateMW Busy bee: 721 posts 6 months agoI agree with Candi and Kate. The little ones will feel better if their mom is there, and it's not a pity job.
posted by rebecca Bumble bee: 1,247 posts 6 months ago::::raises hand::::
my FI has only one sister and she is not a bridesmaid. several weeks after i made the decision, it got back to us that she was upset. i chose not to have her as a bridesmaid bc i wanted to be surrounded by people i knew and that i was comfortable with. i barely know her and i didnt think to ask her bc we aren't close.
in the end, she does have a job. not sur eif she's going to do it yet. But i plan to have a really nice corsage made for her, on the level of the mothers. and she will be escorted down the aisle by one of the ushers before the mothers.
had I known it would have caused drama, i probably would have put her in the the wedparty to play nice. but whats done is done. i can only think to offer your fsil the invitation to get ready with you before the wedding. be involved in whatever pampering and services you have lined up for the rest of the girls.
posted by GetMarried4Less Busy bee: 917 posts 6 months agoI don't think she wants to feel "needed" - she wants to feel special, and not left out of people you have honored. Is there a part of the ceremony she can do? Something the officiant is already planning like a prayer of some sort? I would look for a way to honor her - she feels right to feel left out as the only sibling not in the wedding party.
Other things you can do are to make sure you grab her and tell the photographer you want a pic of the two of you together, maybe mention her at the rehearsal dinner if you will give a speech to the guests, give her a bouquet the day of the wedding, etc etc
posted by Janna19 Helper bee: 428 posts 6 months ago