Fiances sister refuses to wear bridesmaid dress- long story!! HELP! :(

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - SPRING VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB

Can’t she just get straps added to the dress? I don’t understand why she can’t just add straps to the already chosen dress? Is it because she won’t look like the other bridesmaids?

 

Post # 3
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Erikkamh:  I wouldn’t switch the dress since you already cleared this one with the bridal party and people have ordered their dress.  I would let them add the straps to her dress but ask for them to be spagetti or narrow (under 1 inch).  Your photographer should be able to photoshop them out of a few of the pictures so all of your BMs will match.  If she still wants a new dress then I would let her step down or serve in some other capacity like doing a reading during the ceremony so she can wear whatever she likes.

Post # 4
Member
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’d just let her add the straps.  I hate wearing strapless dresses myself and I would not want to be a bridesmaid expected to wear one.  Is FSIL young?  Perhaps it’s a body image thing.  Large busted and strapless could really make her feel uncomfortable.

Post # 5
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

Erikkamh:  I agree with PP, I’m really not understanding your reasoning on the straps issue.  When I wore a strapless BM dress they came with optional button-in straps that were spaghetti style and altho dated (IMO) they would barely show up in pictures and that doesn’t make the entire dress different than your other girls!

Also, being top heavy does NOT mean dresses stay up on you, so you can scratch that comment out of your post before you piss off other “top heavy” ladies.

Let FSIL have some straps before you start off on a seriously wrong foot with your in laws.  I’m sympathetic cuz your MIL does sound like a piece of work in some ways, but overall this situation is NOT worth the fight.

Post # 6
Member
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

Let them add the straps that are necessary.  Spaghetti straps would be useless in this situation.  This is not a hill to die on.  let her add the straps that make her comfortable in the dress and let it go.  Would you really have her step down because she is well endowed?

DD has an incredibly well endowed BM.  All of the girls are wearing different styled dresses and she is wearing an over the shoulder dress.  There isn’t enough 2 sided tape to make sure her girls stay put.  A strapless dress would have been thoughtless on DDs part and she wanted people comfortable instead of matchy matchy.

Post # 7
Member
224 posts
Helper bee

I am not overweight, but I am “top heavy” and straps are your best friend, not to mention a good long line bra is at least 50-90 dollars (and you are still uncomfortable. Let her add straps I don’t get what the big deal is. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  lfranke.
  • This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  lfranke.
Post # 8
Member
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Why not let her get the straps.  Have them photoshopped out of the photos if you’re bothered that the photos will look off. 

Post # 9
Member
1582 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

 

absolutely_tati:  +1.

Erikkamh: I get that you want your BMs to all be in the same dress, but adding straps to a dress won’t change the look so much that it’ll be unrecognizable as, you know, the same dress… just with straps. Compromise on this by putting straps on her dress and move on.

Post # 10
Member
670 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Geesh.. just let her add straps.

Post # 11
Member
2882 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I have seen a few weddings where one of the curvier bridesmaids had straps added to a dress that the rest of the girls where wearing strapless.  They are usually spaghetti straps, so really slim and not overly noticable as different.  She could also do what the other curvier maid is doing and wear a shall or something to cover up if it is a “modesty” issue.

That said, BMs have really one job for the wedding; Show up in the dress that you pick out.  It would be one thing if you were doing mismatched, or if she spoke up 3 months ago before the other girls had or where in the process of ordering dresses. 

I would talk with your FI first and get on the same page.  Then sit him, your FMIL and FSIL in the same room when you have the discussion.  When ever dealing with an SO’s family, the SO should at least be a part of the conversation.  Also, it will stop some of this “FMIL said” “FSIL said” stuff that seems to be happening, and you can see what the dynamic really is.  Maybe FSIL could truly care less but FMIL is pulling the strings.  Seeing them both in the same room will let you judge what is happening. 

I would lay down this as the number 1 point; to be a BM means wearing the dress that you picked out.   There might be ways to compromise on the look (see first paragraph), but if she isn’t wearing that dress, she is not a BM.    Don’t go back to “Well, you never said you weren’t okay with it,” as that is in the past.  At the end of the discussion, she is either wearing the dress, or stepping down as a bridesmaid.  Make sure that FSIL and FMIL understand that the decision is 100% up to them, and you won’t hold it against them either way. 

Post # 12
Member
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I am a b cup and I hate strapless and would feel much more comfortable with straps. I agree with the others that this isn’t worth the fight!

Post # 13
Member
2302 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

this is NOT a hill to die on. don’t permanently damage your relationship with your fmil and fsil over 12 square inches of fabric. honestly if this goes any farther, i think it’s on you. 

yes, it’s unfortunate that you don’t want straps – it’s way MORE unfortunate for your relationship to suffer over something so ridiculous. it would be great if they were amenable to exactly what you want – but they’re not. so be an adult and decide to respond with grace. let her have the straps and move on. 

and – isn’t one of your bridesmaids wearing a shawl or cardigan? and this girl can’t have thin, simple straps? 

Post # 14
Member
8706 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I can only echo everyone else.. this is such a tiny issue it’s really not worth burning this bridge.<br /><br />It’s just straps. It’s not like she’s changing the entire dress or requiring everyone else to get straps.<br /><br />Just have the photo edit them out… you’ll never know they were there.

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