Post # 1
So background they broke up 12 years ago, when we first started dating this ex had tried to contact him because she wanted to see him before she moved out of state. She is now back after getting pregnant and having a baby.
Anyways my Fiance’s grandpa just passed away and she shows up to his grandfathers house the day it happened, after I had left already to take our daughter home for bed, she gave him a hug and asked if he was ok. He said “yes, thank you.” I thought that was that. After all the only reason she knew he had passed is because his family of course posted it on FB the moment it happened, and she is friends with a few of them. Then 2 days later shows up to the funeral viewing. Talk about awkward. She had no one to talk to, his family didn’t talk to her, neither did he or his brother. The next day she also shows up at the church service.
Is it me or is it weird that she showed up?
The relationship was ended on bad terms, she cheated, and he never looked back.
Maybe I am overly sensative because of the situation and taking things the wrong way. Funerals always get the best of us.
Post # 3
After 12 years? I think that is really bizarre. Especially if she didn’t keep in contact with his family and they weren’t talking to her. Super awkward!
Post # 4
@MIbee2013: Inappropriate of her. In my opinion, funerals are for the sake of the living. So when deciding whether or not to attend, a person should take account of the bereaved person’s feelings. Since your FI didn’t want her there, she should have stayed away. My dad (divorced from my mother) didn’t attend my mother’s mother’s funeral for that very reason – sure his exMIL was an important part of his life, but it was more important to stay away for the sake of his ex (my mother).
Post # 5
@MIbee2013: I think it’s weird… I mean, after the funeral she shouldn’t have any more reasons to just “stop by” so hopefully she will just go away on her on. Sounds super awkward. My FH has an ex that he barely dated before me, like maybe a month? Anyways, she was kind of the same way. It ended badly with her trying to control him not seeing his childhood friends…yet she would message him asking for him to help her move and stuff… just weird. I would have HIM nip it in the bud if it continues.
Post # 6
@MIbee2013: If she wanted to pay her respects, I don’t see what’s wrong with that. Had she not met him before? That’s the only reason I can see for her presence being strange. If something happened between FI and I and I found out one of his grandparents passed, regardless of the amount of time between, you can bet I’d be there. Breaking up with FI wouldn’t change my feelings towards his family.
Post # 7
Maybe she was raised to pay her respects to the deceased and the family. I went to my ex’s sister’s and Dad’s funerals. They were part of my life for many years.
Post # 8
I have mixed feelings on this.
Funerals are “funny” things in many times people don’t have a clue on what they should or shouldn’t do
YES they are for the living relatives (as a way for them to find condolence)… You did say she has friends elsewhere in the extended family
BUT they also are an event held to remember the dead… be that for religious reasons (pray for them) or other…
And in that essence, they therefore tend to also attract people who come to pay their last respects because the person meant a lot to them
Doesn’t matter what others think about the person paying the respects.
The thing is the deceased meant something to the person who lives on…
Which is also why we have celebration of life services or gatherings as well… because the person who died was awesome
So it is yes awkward for you and your Fiance.
BUT after 12 years, I’d think that both you and him are past this woman already (or should be… the whole cheating reference here in light of a funeral seems weird to me)
So IMO there is no reason to judge what she did at the House, Wake or Funeral
BUT you do get my permission to judge her motives if she’s still hovering around a week from now around your BF / Fiance and not just with the friends she has in the family.
Hope this helps,
Post # 9
Mmmm seems fishy. I would think she is up to something. Only way I would think it was ok us if she was still close to the family or even grandpa. If not she is up to something or there is somethig you don’t know about.
Post # 10
And when I say close I mean she goes to birthday parties, baby showers or 4th of July BBQ not just FB friends.
Post # 11
Meh. I feel people are allowed to pay their respects for anyone that was once apart of their life. If she knew him, then she’s allowed to be there by all means. My dad went to my mom’s dad’s funeral, even thought they had been divorced for a number of years and were both with different people. None of us had a problem with that, because he knew my papa, and it was his way of being respectful towards a man he knew.
I don’t think any one has any right to ask someone not to come to someone else’s funeral. Death is a weird thing, even if people are distant from the person who dies.
Post # 12
@julies1949: this, if my ex’s mom passed away I would attend… she was a big part of my life- regardless of how, and when the relationship ended.
Post # 13
@This Time Round: She has no familial friends. She has them as “Facebook friends” Because the same people she is friends with on facebook, did not speak to her in person. In fact they all asked why she was there.
Thank you for your honest opinion.
Post # 14
@Leilalalafitz: She hasn’t attended anything in 12 years. She is merely friends on facebook with 3-4 people, and of those people none of them even spoke to her when she showed up. Thank you for your opinion.
Post # 15
@julies1949: My dad has attended many of my mother’s families funerals, but they are also on talking terms. I can understand your perspective, especially if close to them, or if they were there and a vital part of your life.
Post # 16
@vmec: As I said above, not what I would recommend (unless you’re on good terms with your ex) and not what my father did.
Even if we grant that it was ok for her to quietly attend the funeral, it was inappropriate to attend the viewing. And grossly inappropiate to show up at his house the day he passed away.
Still, some people grieve in funny ways. If she disappears after this, no harm done.
BTW people shouldn’t have been posting his death on facebook the same day either. (As an aside I’ve seen crazy inappropriate stuff there – like updates of a fatal car crash minutes after it happened, before relatives could possibly have known).