(Closed) Fight that left me wondering

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5969 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Arguing with someone who’s had a few drinks is like wrestling a greased pig, only after a minute or two you figure out that the pig kinda likes it….you went for his phone, he got pissed and blew up, he said a bunch of garbage and is probably so embarrassed that he doesn’t even know where to begin apologizing…you say you don’t care, so why not leave?  Why bother posting at all?

Post # 4
Member
2860 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@canyouhearmenow13:  yes I have been to the point where I have just stopped caring and a fight didn’t bother me. For example, I had a fight with an ex boyfriend, so I left his apartment and what went through my head was “good, I can spend the rest of the day shopping.” I just didn’t care anymore, my feelings were pretty much gone. This does happen.

Post # 5
Member
2860 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@canyouhearmenow13:  You are allowed to break up, even during a long term relationship. Not carrying anymore is a perfectly good reason.

Post # 6
Member
41 posts
Newbee

I haven’t delt with that… but it’s not normal. Talk to him when he’s sober. Tell him that he was acting way out of character. In a relationship, there should be respect and give and take. Maybe you should see a counselor together. That kind of behaviour isn’t normal, and to go ahead with a marriage with that being the norm isn’t a good idea!

Post # 7
Member
533 posts
Busy bee

My ex and I used to fight a lot. Really dumb shit. Yelling, ignoring each other. It is not normal. My suggestion? You don’t care anymore, so leave.

Putting up with that for the rest of your life? No thanks.

Post # 8
Member
2860 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Milo:  +1 Yes, don’t stay because you feel obligated. I did that and it turned a 7 year relationship into a 9 year relationship that didn’t work. What forced the end was when I fell in love with someone else.

Post # 10
Member
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Like others have said, not caring anymore is a sign that your feelings have changed…and not for the good.

My ex husband once went out with friends with work, and ended up not returning home until about 8am the next morning.  I went absolutely insane, I was so upset/angry, etc.

About 5 years later he did it again.  And I could not have cared less.  All I remember is being irritated because he woke me up when he came in.  By the way he acted the rest of that weekend, I’m pretty sure he got up to no good…and I still didn’t care.  

Our relationship was over…not all end with a bang, big drama, and so forth…over a period of time your feelings get so eroded, that without realising, there is virtually nothing left.  Sounds like your fight last night has bought that into clear view for you.

I wish you luck with what you do next. 

Post # 12
Member
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@nycsa:  Same thing happened with me.  We should have split at year 6…instead we got married at year 7.   Things were okay and then in year 10 I met someone who made me realise how little I was accepting!

@canyouhearmenow13:  I got fixated at year 6 and a half with getting married…mainly because I didn’t want to feel like those years had been a waste of time.  My ex didn’t really want to get married…and with hindsight, he was right.  I’d also hit 30 the year before, and the thought ‘I don’t want to be 40 and still have ‘just’ a boyfriend’ kept running through my mind.  Moving to a new city, starting a new job, and getting married, all kept me from looking at our actual relationship.  We had been sleeping in seperate bedrooms and rarely having sex for 6 months before the wedding, how did I think marriage would improve anything?  

He also could be a nasty piece of work when he’d had a few.  One memorable time (before marriage) he picked a stupid argument when he was drunk and smashed up my walkman (this was long before iPods and the damn thing was expensive).  And then spat in my face.  The start of the new century was marked for me by him sulking at 3am because I wanted to go to bed…he ended up leaving my flat….and urinating on my front door.  And I still married him a year later.  

 

Post # 13
Member
6668 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

Once that little door in your heart closes, that’s pretty much it.  The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference.

Post # 14
Member
5663 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Nona99:  THIS:

Arguing with someone who’s had a few drinks is like wrestling a greased pig, only after a minute or two you figure out that the pig kinda likes it

IS AWESOME

People have stupid fights sometimes, ESPECIALLY when one or both have had anything to drink, it’s just how people get, not everyone keeps their cool all the time in my experience. With that being said, if its that you are over it and don’t care about the fight and just want to move forward with the day, no biggie in my opinion, it sounds pretty silly anyway. If it’s that you don’t feel like you care about HIM then that’s important and something you need to address, and maybe talk through with him. If it’s the case that you don’t care much for him anymore, then there’s no better time than the present to move on in life.

Good luck

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