Post # 1
Background: the soloist was a student of my Nana’s in high school (she was a business/typing teacher) and played at her funeral. My mom feels a closeness to him because he represents my Nana in some crazy way. My mom has made the statement, “you are my only daughter and I want to have him sing….at my only daughters’ wedding”.
So since I became engaged my mom has been very vocal about wanting a specific soloist for my wedding. I personally HATE singing (I can’t even watch Glee, I fast forward through the songs, seriously) and it makes me feel awkward to listen to people sing.
I compromised with my mom to have the piano player (comes with the church) and the soloist (who also plays guitar) to play songs together and for him to sing TWO songs – during the prelude and one during the singing. My mom and I came up with some songs we liked and then picked all the classical music we liked for the guitar/piano bits.
We met with the soloist today and learned:
– he does not play with anyone else (therefore no piano player)
– he does not play classical music
– he does not play instruments (therefore he would SING while I was walking down the isle)
– he prefers non-relgious love songs (my church has a very strict music code – all music must be the “glory of god” which I accept) all of which are songs from the 1970’s or very popular movies (like “you’ve got a friend” from Toy Story). Yuck.
I am so upset – what I wanted for my day – piano, no singing is now going to be a man singing while I walk down the isle. I’m so upset but mostly b/c i’m ruining my mom’s dream. How can I approach her? Should I just give in and have the soloist? Am I being a bridezilla?
Post # 3
@med700: No, you are not being unreasonable here! I would not want some dude singing a song I didn’t even like while I was walking down the aisle.
Maybe you can compromise with her an d say he can sing ONE song, maybe while you sign the register, or maybe during your reception?
Post # 4
@MademoiselleL: Thank you 🙂
Well that WAS the compromise – but he informed us today that he does the ENTIRE wedding and basically that I was crazy for thinking he did anything but. 🙁
Post # 5
You are not being a bridezilla at all. I would tell your mom that at your wedding, you do not want to walk down the aisle to a man singing. Explain to her that you understand her closeness to the soloist but that he does not fit in with the church’s regulations. That way, she doesn’t get mad at you for it.
Post # 6
Am I misunderstanding something here?
” (my church has a very strict music code – all music must be the “glory of god” which I accept)”
doesn’t this give you the out to say because he can’t and won’t sing songs that meet the requirements of the church, you can’t use him?
Post # 7
I do not think you should give in. I think it’s a very emotional moment when you walk down the aisle and memories of this guy singing should NOT be part of it!
I would blame it on the guy to your mom. Meaning – he seems all or nothing and not willing to compromise – so, I’d just say you thought about it and don’t want that for YOUR wedding.
Post # 8
He does do some religious songs but prefers not to because they aren’t “romantic enough” in his words.
I am going to say that when I chat with my mom…the religious songs he provided were horrible btw.
I’m more hesitant to upset my mom, we are very close and I hate upsetting her but the thought of walking down the isle to this man singing is bad bad bad…..
Post # 9
@med700: don’t be hesitant talking to your mom about it. Approach it calmly and in a very matter of fact way. Tell your mother than while yes, you are her only daughter, it is your express wish that he not sing and you are sorry that she won’t be able to hear him on the wedding day. Just be calm and kind about it. It’s obviously something she’s dreamed about for a long time and had a vision for…. but, it’s not the end of the world and she’ll get over it. 🙂
Post # 10
You said you don’t want to destroy her dream, but what about your dream? This is your wedding and I’m sure you have had dreams and hopes about the way it would go. I think the singer sounds very difficult to work with and not at all like he particularly cares how your wedding turns out. If you really need to please your mom, I would talk to the guy and find one song he can sing at some point and if he doesn’t like it or want to do that, then find someone else.
Post # 11
@med700: I’m with julies1949, it sounds like you have an out here and need to use it. Moreover, this is your day and no, dude will not be singing as you walk down the aisle.
Why not have him sing during the cocktail hour to entertain guests? That way he is still a part of your day for your mom’s “only daughter’s wedding” but not during the ceremony?
Post # 12
@padresgirl: My dream? A section of strings playing my favourite classical music. Thirteen years of violin and piano lessons have given me enough music to dream about my wedding day with…. 🙂
I guess when your dream collides with someone else’s dream, it’s always sad right?
Post # 13
@med700: my entire wedding collided with what my family thought my wedding should look like. It caused me so much grief during the planning – it was ridiculous and I almost scrapped the entire thing to elope. But, what it made me do is reevaluate what was really important to me in terms of what our wedding should look like. And – the kicker was – at the end of it all – everyone LOVED the wedding.
Planning makes people crazy – and I’m not trying to be funny. It’s true. It’s this strange collision of unspoken hopes and dreams – often making the bride and groom go batty trying to naviage through it.
Out of curiousity – does your FI have an opinion?
ETA: If my mom had her heart set on a solist that I didn’t want for my wedding, it would not make me feel bad telling her I didn’t want one… just remind yourself that it’s not her wedding – maybe that will help??
Post # 14
FI is in the same boat as me and went along with our “compromise” because it was what my mom wanted. I was speaking to him just recently and got pretty emotional and he said, “this is about me and you getting married, not about some soloist trying to overstep the rules of our church, we cannot have this man at our wedding.”
It’s not like i’m hiring a polka band to play at my wedding – I hope to have strings! 🙂
Thank you for your kind words and encouragement 🙂
Post # 15
I was thinking along the lines of MademoiselleL. It seems like he’s being a diva, solist-zilla? lol. Try and talk to him without your mom maybe? Ask him if he’ll work with you and do one song, otherwise just say the church won’t let him because it has to be all religious songs.
Post # 16
Sorry, but Mom will have to be disappointed. Your church has rules and if he can’t follow them, it won’t work.
You can always have him sing during cocktail hour but honestly if he isn’t going to be accompanied by fellow musicians, it will be more of a Karoke hour.