Post # 1
((Sorry in advance…I know I am going to ramble here, please still read!!))
I’ve been MIA from weddingbee the past week…my mom and I got into a huge fight 🙁 worst part of it was it was right before a bridal shower my FMIL was throwing! My mom and FMIL don’t *not* get along but they have nothing in common and are more then a decade apart and it has presented some…issues. My mom seems to think just because I LOVE my FMIL that I love my mom less…cuz they arn’t alike. My mom is a very sweet, quite lady who is in her late 50’s while my FMIL is loud, outspoken, dominates the convo and is in her early 40’s…
I’ve been away from WB because it seems…wrong? to plan a wedding or think about it right now since my parents are footing the bill and I started had the fight with my mom. She and I had a rocky past when I was in high school/early college but we’ve been working on our relationship the past couple years and a lot of times we talk 5/week. She is a very emotional fighter and she is also the most stubborn person I know…I’ve never ever heard her apologize first! She is the type to yell and say awful things and then NOT talk about it…she’d rather bury it…but that isn’t good, I know! And I know I should apologize for what I said/did but I don’t want her to NOT apologize and stuff…you know? That sounds so childish but she hurt me and said some attacking comments about my future in laws (only to me thank goodness but still) and blah…
I am now scared to call and waiting for her to cool down and haven’t felt like ANYTHING wedding related the past few days 🙁 I miss wedding planning and WB but I couldn’t even bring myself to buy a magazine the other day…
I just feel like it is somehow silly today to work on my programs, a tiny detai (I usually love!) when I am fighting with the people who are paying for the whole thing itself.
Any advice? should I just call my mom and accept I won’t get an apology back?
Anyone have any fights with their parents or in-laws or FH during wedding planning?
Post # 3
EVERYONE fights during wedding planning. i am starting to think its required. and it depends on what the fight was about and what was said.
somethings are forgivable and some arent, so i cant really comment on that part.
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School
Ugh, that sucks, I’m so sorry!
It sounds like you’re really upset about this fight, which I can totally see why. Could you talk to your dad about it or are you guys not close like that? Maybe another form of communication, like email?
Not sure if those ideas will help but I wanted to say I’ve gotten into a lot of fights with my mom during the wedding planning, I think it’s just the nature of the beast!
Post # 5
That’s sad, and your wedding is so close. I completely “get” the dynamics between your mom and FMIL. My daughter fell in love practically with this one boyfriend’s mom, who called her “baby girl” and so forth. My daughter even bought her flowers on her birthday (not mine). I didn’t like it, but I was very nice about it. Now I am going to use that good karma to advantage by asking “baby girl lady” to help host a shower for my daughter now that she’s getting married (to someone else’s son). Yes, I am a bit evil… but in a very nice way.
Hope that made you laugh. The best thing to do is just put a bandaid on the thing with your mom and delve into emotional roots later, after the wedding. Don’t wait for apologies that might never come… change the topic… distract her… arouse her maternal instincts if you have to. Something that always gets my attention is a cryiing daughter on the other end of the phone- mine always does it for real reasons, but you sound like you could use a big hug anyway. She might respond to that. Have some good wedding things handy to bond with her:-) Best wishes for a beautiful wedding day!
Post # 6
@spaganya thanks…that really helps!
@trailmix…while I love my dad, we arn’t that close and he is very much a “stay out of it!!” kinda guy 🙂 i was thinking about an email…I may try that tomorrow since she works (she works part time) and see how she responds. I’m just kinda nervous because I’m HOPING she has cooled down but not sure how to gauge it. I also know that it is hard for her to trust people…she had serous family/MOM issues herself and I am sorry for hurting her feelings/not thinking enough about her feelings…
and I wanna say that BUT at the same time I’m pissed/hurt that she just freaked and said awful things to me and things about my future-in laws….just because she was upset but still…now I feel like that’ll be awkward. My FMIL doesn’t know how bad the fight was but she knew that we argued and I just said I was okay and didn’t want to talk about it.
anyone else have examples or stories about fights during planning? and HOW did you resolve them or bring it up to resolve them?
Post # 7
@FMILlady omgosh thank you that was helpful and made me smile so much!
I really don’t want her to feel hurt by my relationship with my FMIL and I think it is a little “high school” for her to feel that way…but I do get it at the same time! My mom is older, quiter, more intimidated, etc and I’m more outgoing….chatty…etc like my FMIL. But obviously I love my mother and she has been my love and support during this planning and don’t want her to feel hurt.
Post # 8
I am sorry you are having problems with your mom. I think you should call her and apologize, but also let her know she hurt your feelings. She is probably afraid of losing you completely now that you are getting married, especially since you two have had a rocky past. She probably feels like she is just getting you back only to lose you again. Just reassure her that sure, your relationship will change because you have new people in your life, but that doesn’t mean you don’t love her any less or that you don’t want to be close with her.
Post # 9
@noritake thank you, that is really simple advice but I really needed to hear it! I almost teared up reading it…because it is really right on!
I am just worried that she said those things to me about my FMIL and her friends and now it is like “out there” ya know? I don’t think she hates my FMIL or anything…they’re just really different and won’t ever be “buddies” and that’s okay…but at the same time I need them to be able to get along for future events (ie: grandkids!)