Fight with SO over vacation time, who's in the right?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
2501 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Dizbee:  Can you reschedule the trip for the week after the semi finals and interviews?

Or maybe plan a fun trip with your friends and do a couples trip another time?

When my SIL passed the bar she went to Thailand with friends ( without my brother). Maybe this would be the best option!

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Boxerlover24.
Post # 5
2501 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Dizbee:  Hm idk, bad situation. I would want him to not go to the semi finals but for me there would be NO WAY i would ask him to do that. I don’t know what I would do if I were you OP! Im sorry I don’t have any good ideas 🙁

Can you maybe leave him at home and bring some girlfriends on the trip instead? Then go on a different maybe mini trip with him later?


Post # 7
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Dizbee:  I think your SO is being a jerk in this situation. I think you need to sit down and have a heart to heart about how this is making you feel.

Post # 8
7191 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

I’d be upset if we had the trip planned well in advance and he wanted to change the plans.

Post # 10
1321 posts
Bumble bee

I would put my foot down if I were you.  It seems like from your OP, that you’re the one doing most of the compromising in the relationship.  Since you already compromised on the 1st weekend vacation thing with his friends, he needs to compromise on this one.

One thing to note, if I were you I would’ve had a talk with FI as to which weekends/events he can attend with his friends and which ones he cannot compromise on that’s for us.  I would look at your whole calendar for the rest of the year (don’t know how far in advance you guys plan) and talk to him about all the stuff he and his friends are thinking of doing.  If I knew FI wanted to go to the Trivia championship, then I would’ve told him to decide between that or our “I just finished bar exam trip” weekend getaway, but that he can’t do both.  It looks like you’re going to have to set the pace for your FI, otherwise he’s gonna want to always hang out with his friends.

If he absolutely needs to go to this triva thing, then depending on how upset YOU are about your trip being cut, you tell him how much he’ll “owe” you.  Like if it were me, I’d be super upset about the beach trip so combined with the other weekend, I would tell him he needs to make it up to me by doing X, Y, and Z.  

Post # 11
24457 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

That really sucks.  I think that he should let you have this one week on vacation since you have been working your butt off all summer long.  Is there any way you can stay at the vacation place for the extra few days to relax on your own instead of having to go home to sit alone?

Post # 12
967 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

He sounds pretty immature. I like the idea of telling him to spend the whole four days with his new friends while you bring a friend with you on the vacation. 

Also, I am having difficulty understanding the whole taking care of you while you study claim. Did you do nothing but study and sleep for two months? I took the bar exam a few years back and yeah, the studying sucked, but I don’t know of anyone else who needed a caretaker during that time. I’m not criticizing by any means, just curious..

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  yellowtulip8.
Post # 13
5222 posts
Bee Keeper

I can see both sides of this, and in every situation there isn’t always a “right” or “wrong” party– sometimes two people have equally valid points and it comes down to compromise.  My suggestion is to approach it not as an all or nothing thing, but come to an arrangement you can both live with ( i.e. he goes to trivia with his friends and spends the remaining time with you and then once you’re settled in new jobs, you pick the vacation spot next and absolutely NO outside distractions). 

You both have valid points, and (to me) it isn’t worth arguing over for days. Find some type of solution that you can both live with and move on and enjoy the rest of your time together.

Post # 14
49 posts


I definitely understand why you’re upset. and I think it’s not entirely that he will be leaving you alone, but that he is “choosing” his friends over your first fun vacation in such a long time, and if it weren’t the case I would say just let him go to this trivia thing and then make it up to you, but I think you want to see him choose the time with you for your peace of mind, so I say push it. but don’t say he should do it because you went with him and his friends, because then it’s gonna become a contest and he’s gonna throw the “i took care of you all summer” thing at your face.

Post # 15
2894 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Dizbee: how long have you been together? If my FI were choosing his friends over me consistently, he could hang out with them 100% because I’d be done. 

i’m not into dudes who don’t put me first. he got to hang out with his friends all summer and over the Weekend, but can’t skip one hangout?!

the help during bar studying is nice but doesn’t replace quality time in my eyes. Just my two pennies. 

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