Post # 1
so the boy and I are fighting constantly about the wedding lately. next month is the wedding and we are really feeling the pressure. hes irritable all day every day lately and just barks at me how i am so wasteful of money and how the whole wedding is a waste of money (He never wanted a ceremony, just a civil one) But i pushed him into doing it for not only me but also for his family from Japan. It just hurts that he gets angry when he sees me buying things HE doesnt find important, therefore is NOT important. but it is to me.
our whole wedding is for 125 people and is costing about 3500 max. This is pretty good in my opinion but its just never good enough for him. It really hurts me, i try and try to do everything DIY or cut back and he just doesnt appreciate it. he always says it would be cheaper if we didnt do it at all. We have counseling tonight so I really am going to bring this up but I guess I just wanted to vent.
Example: I made some pomanders for my 2 bridesmaids (total cost 50 dollars) and they were yellow silk roses. well its not come to the point where I DONT want to use the pomanders in the ceremony and instead I want to use them as decor. and so instead I bought two clutches for them to carry for 15 dollars total (for both) well the boy FLIPPED! I mean he was livid and said that I am just wasting money and I am so terrible and I should live with my mistakes blah blah. Its really painful to hear that stuff. I didnt think I was being unreasonable!
Post # 3
Ouch! So sorry 🙁
As you said, counseling tonight. It sounds like it’s just the pressure getting to him. Had you two talked about this earlier?
Post # 4
I’m sorry you guys are fighting. It sounds like the two of you are very disjointed about this wedding. I think you need to sit down and talk about it. It is too late for him to change his mind and have the two of you have a civil ceremony. It really sounds like you are doing a great job with budgeting for that size ceremony.
Post # 5
Wow, sorry to hear that. Sounds like he accepted to go your way to make you happy and is not feeling some resentment. But the choice is made and even if you can cut as much as possible in future expenses, it’s not like you can take back what’s already done.. He has to live with the fact that he agreed to this. 3500$ is a very reasonable budget for a wedding! But maybe there’s more under this that he’s not saying… He’s stressed and you are too so it doesn’t help.
Definitely address this in counseling… Hope it gets better, soon!
Post # 6
Wow. Sounds as though he’s got some feelings about the wedding that he’s handling very inappropriately.
It’s fine if he feels differently about things than you do, but it’s not okay for him to speak to you that way or belittle your wants/needs. Definitely bring this up with your counsellor, as he needs to know the effect his words have on you and acceptable ways of expressing himself.
Post # 7
Wow! First of all, props to you for pulling off a 125 ppl wedding at $3500! Thats amazing, I would love to know how you did that.
Me and FI fought alot too at the beginning and we’ve learned that communication is definatley the key, men dont like surprises, they want to know everything before hand, it gives them some kind of authorative position and thats what they want. During my wedding planning I was adding certain people to our guest list and didnt tell him about it until they sent back the rsvp and he got really upset, then we communicated and from then on we come to each other on any changes or additions we want to make and we’re fine now. We dont believe in therapy but I hope it works for you guys.
Post # 8
Wow-Is there something else going on? And he is just choosing the wedding as something to lash out against? $3500.00 is such a small amount of money-especially for a large amount of guests. I can’t hardly imagine how you did that! I think you REALLY need to get to the bottom of whatever this is @ counseling tonight!!! Best to you, hugs.
Post # 9
Its not just the wedding in my opinion well no…I KNOW its not.
Hes working at a job under a temp agency and they are just hacking the team. the have laid off 5 people this month alone and he is worried if they might cut him. hence no job.
We have 5 people from Japan flying in for a week who we have to shuttle here and there and show them around california.
Wedding. simple enough its hard
Immigration. We are sitting here awaiting his immigration application for a green card, and its nerve wracking to say the least
but instead of confiding in me he attacks me, and its just not ok. Ive been so upset all weekend. I just want to be a team and work together and hes just pushing away. 🙁