Post # 1
I’m getting married in 2 months and I’m about to send out the invites. We’re having a small wedding with about 30 guests.
A very good family friend “Mary” (neighbor to my parents for over 25 years) and my parents had a bad fight with her about a month ago. Right now, they’re not talking and my parents are even talking about building a fence.
I won’t get into the details about the fight, but both parties behavied badly and both were wrong.
My Mom said that she doesn’t want me to send an invitation to Mary. I haven’t even talked to my Dad about it who is even more mad at Mary than my Mom is.
I would like her to go to the wedding, as the fight had nothing to do with me, and she has always been a close friend of mine.
Before the fight, I had verbaly invited her and talked to Mary about the wedding plans/details. After the fight, Mary has told me that she still wants to go to the wedding.
I’m afraid that my parents may not go to the wedding if Mary is invited.
I told my Mom I would hold onto Mary’s invitation for now, but I would really like for her to come.
I feel like it’s my wedding, I should invite who I want, and that my parents should just be mature for a few hours on my special day…this may not happen.
I don’t know what to do.
Post # 3
I had REALLY bad blood between two of my guests. I won’t get into details but when I say bad, I mean horrible parent/adult child bad and they were not speaking and said they never would again. I had already sent out STD’s and invites were close behind them. I was crazy with anxiety as to what action I should take and in the end, I told them both that I was inviting both sets, but sat them as far as possible from each other and made it clear that people could act like normal humans for one day. It actually turned out okay, not perfect, but okay.
I did have more people at the wedding though, so that made it easier.. about 70. They could avoid each other. But with that said, your parents are much more important than Mary. Even if they are acting childish about it, if they say they won’t come if Mary comes, then I’d have to not invite her. It wouldn’t be worth it to me 🙁
Post # 4
At the end of the day, it is your wedding – not your parents. If you really want Mary there then invite her. It’s up to her whether she attends or not because she will hopefully assume that your parents are going to be there. They dont have to be sat together.
I suppose the question for your parents to think about is this – what’s more important? Our daughter’s wedding or this feud with our neighbour?
Post # 5
It would be absolutely ridiculous for your parents to skip your wedding just because you invited a long-time friend who you have no problems with, and I would tell them just that. They need to be there to support you, and let go of this grudge so they don’t ruin your day. What a shame it would be if they reconciled somewhere down the line and she missed your wedding all because of this petty behavior. Invite her and tell your parents to keep a lid on the drama.
Post # 6
Thanks for the advice.
I forgot to add. The day after the fight, my dad walked over in an attempt to apologize, she refused to accept his apology and told him to get off her property. She told me that if she would’ve accepted his apology then he would think that his behavior was acceptable.
Post # 7
Wow, your parents need to start acting like the adults they are. Invite the neighbor and tell your parents they need to put a lid on it for one day.
Post # 8
I’d say dont invite her, just because your dad tried to apologize and she kicked him off her property. She’s the one being childish.
I went to a wedding where an ex couple started fighting loudly and it was soooo awkward–not just for the bride and groom but for all the guests–and you can guess what everyone was talking about all night. I don’t know if they’d start fighting loudly but I wouldn’t risk it at my wedding.
Post # 9
Wow, do you really think your parents would skip your wedding if you invited Mary? That’s unacceptable. I know that your parents don’t want you to invite her, but maybe you can sit them down and explain that it is important for you to invite Mary and that the fight had nothing to do with you so you don’t feel that you should be punished for it. Even if they’re really angry, they should be mature enough to understand the situation they’ve put you in and put their bull shit aside for your wedding day.
If you want your parents and Mary there, they should all be invited. You’re not going to have another wedding. And you can’t change your mind and redo it after the fact.
Post # 10
No offense, but your parents and Mary sound immature here. To put you in the middle of it is even worse.
It is your wedding. Invite who you want. If you parents or Mary would actually SKIP YOUR WEDDING because of neighbour-hating, then that is on them, not on you. I would tell them that everyone is getting invited, and that you know they love you enough to put their issues aside for your sake. Hopefully they will take the hint. Don’t get dragged in to anyone’s else’s drama. Who knows, maybe the chance to celebrate and have fun will help mend their problem.
As adults, they should be able to set aside their differences and behave themselves.
Post # 11
I’m sure the situation has a lot more complexities and nuances than what you’ve been able to tell us here, but from what you have said, Mary sounds like an idiot and it might be best to just not invite her for now. If your dad did try to apologize (and it was very mature of him to be the one to do so if both sides were at fault) and Mary summarily refused to accept the apology, then, well, she’s made her bed by wanting to prolong the fight, and now she can lie in it.
Maybe they will reconcile before the wedding, and then you can go ahead and invite Mary if you like . . .
Post # 12
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
I’d have to REALLY like this Mary person to be able to reconcile her attitude about your dad’s attempt to apologize. Otherwise I’d have to agree with a PP: she made her bed here. She’s got to realize that behavior is going to have repercussions with the family, so not getting an invite shouldn’t be that surprising.
Blech, I hate that stuff. Good luck!
Post # 13
Your dad tried to apologize. Mary didn’t accept and told him to leave. I think you should make things easier on your parents and not invite her.