A little context. My father and I used to argue all the time before I moved out at age 19 to live with my ex. My ex is a very sweet guy, but he was a manchild. Over the 9 years we’ve been together, I’ve taken a lot of responsabilities over my shoulders and I shouldn’t have, but I wanted to prevent fighting and arguing so I just started doing the chores we we arguing about. And my frustration added, until it exploded into a fight. Whenever I would bring up the subject more tactfully, he would pout, and his silence angered me and again, the only way to resolve our issues was to fight. Nothing abusive, but I have a strong personality, I am natureally stressed as a person, I hate conflicts, and I hate when issues are not resolved. When I left my ex, I was PRAYING to be in a relationship where I would not have to fight over chores anymore, or fight over time spent together as a couple (my ex was a gamer), or fight over sex (I didn’t have a strong libido). I’m so tired of fighting. I didn’t want to allow the negativity in my life anymore, because it would only bring the worst in me.
I was happy to find exactly what I expected and hoped for when I met my SO. My fiancé and I never fight. We have a great communication, we can talk about any topic, and we are respectful of each other’s feelings. When we face disagreements or issues of any kind (because of course it happens !), we simply discuss it. Nobody pouts, nobody answers short to the other, nobody tries to guilt the other. We discuss how we feel, we find a solution together, done. It’s incredibly easy, and it’s made my life so much better. As soon as I started dating my SO, my entourage (family and close friends) noticed how positive, relaxed and happy I had becomed. This relationship just brought peace to my life, and that’s all I ever wanted.
I will never understand how it is not ”healthy” not to fight in a relationship. It all depends on HOW you fight. And again, what’s not healthy about it is when you avoid problems, and we don’t. We discuss them right away, which prevents frustration from adding. Once the issue is resolved, we move on and do not keep resentment. I really can’t understand how anybody would tell us this is not a healthy way to deal with problems. I’d like to find a therapist that says otherwise. 😉
Another thing I don’t understand is when people say it must be ”boring” not to fight. This sounds odd to me, because I never felt the need to frustrate, anger, or make somebody else sad when I’m bored. How is it supposed to be entertaining ? Unless you meant you need to be challenged in your relationship ? That’s another story, and it all depends on your personality. I know for instance that it’s not something that I like. My ex and I had different interests and different opinions. Sometimes it was indeed challenging. It worked for a while, but that’s also the main reason why our relationship ultimately failed. I now share a lot of common interests with my fiancé, and I prefer this situation 1000x more than when I had to be ”challenged” by my ex’ obsession over video games or different life goals. I’m too stressed as a person to face endless challenges in my personal life. Finally, maybe the ”it must be boring” argument really meant ”I want someone with opinions, and who is not afraid to voice them” ? In this case, I totally agree with you. FI and I are both very opinionated, but we don’t need to fight to share opinions either. Again, it’s all about personality. What makes me happy can be different from what sombody else wants. I know in my life, I wanted and needed exactly the kind of relationship I have right now with my FI. Maybe it wouldn’t work for somebody else, but it does for us, and it makes us both happy.