Post # 1
Ok so I just saw this post on facebook and am curious to what you bees think about it.
“fighting doesn’t mean that your relationship is bad, fighting just shows you care enough, to point out what the other person did wrong, && Once the fighting stopped….so has your love for eachother…”
Personaly I was in a realtionship where we fought all the time and it sucked and got to the point where we were emotionally abusing each other. Now in my relationship with Fiance we fight maybe once every couple of months, however we always point out what the other did wrong but it almost never gets to fight. Like today he did something that annoyed me, I told him and three texts later (we never talk on the phone) he said he was sorry he did it and promised to try not to do it again. THE END. Problem solved without a fight, fighting sucks in my opionion and does not need to happen. ANYWAYS, what do you think????
Post # 3
I was fine with it until it said “Once the fighting stopped….so has your love for eachother…” I understand where they are coming from…I have been in relationships where my SO was too scared to disagree with me on anything, and then they would go behind my back and complain. In a real relationship you have to be able to discuss important things and compromise even when you disagree. I don’t think you need to fight though, no. Fighting does not equal love.
Post # 4
I think it’s a common thought for people who’re not seamlessly compatible but successful at conflict resolution. However, I’m lucky enough that my differences with Fiance almost never lead to conflict, so when we do fight like twice a year, it’s extremely unusual. There’s no tension of unresolved issues bubbling just under the surface, so it works great. If there was such tension, then more frequent fighting would probably be better, but only the controlled and constructive variety. There are many types of destructive fighting, and fewer good types, I think.
Post # 5
I feel like there is a fine line between fighting because you care and fighting/emotional abuse.
My mother taught me that every relationship has its ups and downs, and you fight in relationships.
I know a lot of couples who are so detached from each other that they never fought, they just went through motions…. and its sad.
I fight with my Fiance every once in a while, but never maliciously or just for the sake of fighting. We fight because we are both so passionate about something.
We have had little fights and some pretty big fights, but All of them felt better than feeling nothing.
Post # 6
I don’t know how I feel about that quote. It just seems kind of overbearing to me, like every time you feel something is ‘wrong’ you should fight about it. Like, I think there is a difference between being upset over that shirt he’s wearing and finding out that he’s going to move cross-country and didn’t tell you.
My SO and I hate yelling or being yelled at, so we always talk things out in some way or another. I mean, it probably just depends on the couple, but I really just don’t see how yelling or physical violence is going to be the means to an end.
But, I don’t believe you should just never bring it up when something upsets you. That has been one of my biggest faults, and I’m really trying to work on it.
Post # 7
Darling Husband and I have been together for over three years, married for 1.5 years… We have had two fights in that entire time. Two! That’s it, and it’s been 10 months since the last one.
I guess that’s a long way of saying I disagree with that post based on personal experience. We don’t fight. It’s an oddity when we do, and we both hate it. It’s not the way we communicate with each other.
Just because you stop fighting doesn’t mean you’ve stopped loving. It could be that you’ve just figured out fighting isn’t way you want to live your relationship.
Post # 8
Fiance and I fight not very often (and when we do we are over in half an hour) I dont agree with post but i can understand the logic behind it if that makes sence?
Post # 9
I disagree with once the fighting has stopped so has the love for each other. If fighting all the time means love then that relationship isn’t for you. Love is about getting along and enjoying each others company. Sure there will be disagreements and arguements but if it becomes an all the time thing that’s not good.
Post # 10
I put other. I think every once in a while a fight is inevitable. However, this shouldn’t be something that occurs all the time.
Post # 11
I mean, I guess it really depends how you define fighting. If you’re talking small bickering or disagreements, I think that’s healthy- I would be concerned if Darling Husband and I never ever disagreed about everything… but we can agree to disagree or come to a compromise pretty easily without raised voices. Actually fighting? I mean, it happens to everyone, but I definitely wouldn’t say that the love is gone just because you can resolve conflict without large fights!
I also wonder about the “fighting just shows you care enough, to point out what the other person did wrong.” I mean, do they mean they point out every little thing that the person does wrong or annoys them with? I don’t think it’s healthy to constantly be pointing out the other person’s flaws either.
Post # 12
I like the quote,but I think it maybe caters to a certain personality. I have been in relationships where I fought and in the end when I lost feelings I didn’t fight about anything, i was like fuck it, whatever. My Fiance and I argue often if I am being honest , we are both very stubborn people and it’s just the way we communicate, we argue and then move on, it is healthy for US. For me, if I lost passion for my Fiance I probably wouldn’t argue as much. Anyways, I can totally relate with the quote, it fits my Personality though.
Post # 13
I think individual couples fight in different ways as well. Some people yell and scream others are far more passive agressive and others act out (get drunk, cheat or do actions that purposefully that they know their partner will hate). Whilst some people just have quiet heated discussions. I think each relationship is different and it is only the people inside the relationship that can judge is it is bad/good.
Constant fighting that just leaves you miserable and not resolving the problem is a bad relationship and bad for your health. Emotional/physical abuse again is a sign of a bad relationship.
There is a big difference also between checking out of the relationship (and hence not bothering to fight) and picking your battles (hence chosing not to die on that particular bridge). The former means you are in a bad place and the latter just means that it wasn’t that important to you to cause tension.
My H and I have a great saying for if we fight and can’t agree and someones feelings still sting- I love you but right now I don’t like you very much. It just signals to the other person that they need a little bit of time to get over it and process it.
Post # 14
I voted “disagree”. The post seems very immature – words spoken, perhaps, by someone who’s yet to experience a healthy relationship.
Post # 15
Fiance and I don’t fight.
We may get irritated with each other, but in two almost three years we have never had an actual “fight”.
We just don’t do those sort of things. I don’t think either of us has ever raised our voices to the other.
Post # 16
It would depend on your definition of fighting. Hubby and I bicker daily but rarely have big blowups.