Post # 1
Hi Ladies! I’m new to this board, but you all seem so supportive of eachother it made me want to reach out. My SO and I have been together 2.5 yrs and I am so frustrated with our slow progress. He does want to spend the rest of his life with me but he’s not really at the planning stage (I am!). I’ve been living on my own for 8 yrs, I’m very independant and am blessed with a great job. He moved back in with his parents 2.5yrs ago when he was laid off and the economy went to crap. Now he doesn’t want to waste money moving back out until we’re married (we’re Christian and won’t live together til we’re married, NO judgment on those of you who do live together – to each their own! I’m kinda jealous actually!).
The problem is he wants to feel more accomplished and capable of supporting a household before tying the knot. He’s working but the hours are not always consistent and it’s not exactly what he wants to do. Yet he’s sluggish when it comes to taking life by horns and changing his situation. UGH. I love him, there’s no doubt I want him to be husband. I just hate waiting. Almost all of our friends are now married and engaged and having babies. I’m so ready it hurts. On the up-side, I told him I need us to make some progress soon and we’ve agreed to look at rings within the next month. Still…I don’t know if that means we’ll be engaged soon after.
Oh well, it helps to vent 🙂
Post # 3
@jenk00004: yay for looking at rings! Hopefully it will help getting him to start thinking seriously about the future, moving out, and getting married 🙂
Post # 4
welcome- hope your wait is short. Personally, I think he needs a kick to get things moving- he might be confortbale in his situation right now and doesn’t see a need to do anything soon. I would have a talk about timelines with him so that he can put a timing prospect on things and give him a push to do more so you both can get going.
Post # 5
@armychica06: Thanks, I totally agree! He’s a born procrastinater so I don’t feel too bad about pushing him a little. Two weeks ago I told him that it’s important to me that we get married next year. I don’t want to be together 4+ yrs and still not even living together. He was open to that plan and has since brought it up in passing, like when he said we could start a family in 2013 if we get married next year. So I hope he’s getting used to the idea!
Post # 6
@jenk00004: Welcome! I was in a similar situation to you. 🙂 He wanted to wait until he could afford to get me the ring I wanted. Now, we’re waiting an extra year for me to finish school and him to pay off some bills. You could always be engaged a little longer, if that works for him. I know it sucks right now, but it’s actually a good thing that he wants to be more stable before getting married. Have fun ring shopping!
Post # 7
make sure he follows through on the ring-shopping comment, if you really do want to pick one out together. For me, talking about wanting to go ring shopping made him get into gear and go and pick something out on his own- still no ring but I don’t think I have too long! if he truly wants to look, then encourage him to make an appointment and be detailed it telling him about your jewelry style- unless you have no idea, in which case you should probably both go.
Post # 8
@jenk00004: Like you, I am also waiting. For a while, I also wondered about when it would happen and it seemed that all our discussions ended with me still not knowing anything specific. I really didn’t want to pressure him or even be the one to directly ask about when we would get engaged. However, after nearly a year of these conversations I decided I just had to be direct–which is what I advise you to do. Althought the conversation was a bit strained and I sensed he seemed uncomfortable, I also realized that he was committed to me but was just dragging his feet for whatever reason. So I straight up asked for a specific time–and he told me it would be this July. I then asked him directly–so we’ll be engaged by then? And he said yes. Trust me, I felt SO weird asking these questions and I really wished he was the one to bring it up. But strangely enough, that conversation ended up bringing us closer together.
I firmly believe now that being direct with a guy about your needs is essential. If it scares him off, then that is your answer right there. But if he truly loves you, he will do what it takes to make you happy.
So maybe consider asking your guy about setting a timeline of when you would get engaged/married. And let us know how it goes! Best of luck!
Post # 9
Thank you all for the helpful feedback. I agree I need to be direct and make sure he follows through on ring shopping. He tends to put off big decisions that intimidate him so I’m praying that he’ll grow out of that. I’m sure as time goes on he’ll become more relaxed and excited, especially as he gets his own life and finances in better shape.
And in the meantime I’ll try to just enjoy our relationship for what it is and look forward to trying on some shinies soon!