Post # 1
When DH and I are having a rough patch (like now) I get physically sick. I have knots in my stomach, need to use the bathroom often and feel queasy.
This latest episode has been brought on by a discussion last night with DH saying he is unhappy with the effort I have been putting in around the house and he can’t live in a mess and if things don’t improve he can’t see us having a happy future together.
We discussed things, and I have agreed to put in more effort around the house and stop putting things off so much. He is still acting upset though, and his only contact with me today was a message saying “ok” to meet up for lunch on our breaks.
I can’t concentrate at work and I am worried he is going to leave me. I can’t talk myself down, and I am on the brink of tears.
Post # 3
My husband and I have had the EXACT same discussion. I like putting off chores, he likes a clean house…
Don’t stress too much! He’s not going to leave you, especially if you guys are married!
Post # 4
Oh honey, that’s just terrible! No one likes fighting, but making yourself sick over it is awful! I understand, really, but you remember that you are wonderful, intelligent, beautiful and desirable even if your hubby is cross at you, even if you floors are so dirty you need a rake to sort it out!
If Mr. Wonderful wants his house all spic & span so badly, why doesn’t he hire a house cleaner?
Post # 5
@dannielle89: Hugs, hugs, hugs to you. I’m another person who gets physically ill as a result of fights. I’ve vomited several times from being so upset. DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) and acupucture are two things that have REALLY helped me.
It sounds like DH needs to work on his reactions, as well. He needs to communicate effectively and let you know that you are still loved, even when he’s annoyed with you. Have you told him how his lack of communicating/cold shoulder makes you feel?
Post # 6
Don’t make yourself sick over it. No man is worth all that noise! I second the suggestion of a house keeper – it’s SO worth the money! You guys will never have to fight about it ever again!
By the way – just curious, but how much does your husband do around the house? I hope he’s doing his fair share – if not he has no right to make you feel bad about what you do or don’t do.
Post # 7
Okay just read that this is the same guy who freaked out about you not stopping for meds when he told you to not to stop! HE Needs to work on his anger management and communication skills, you my dear have nothing to work on.
Post # 8
We have this cycle:
1) I do something that upsets him
2) He gets upset at me and pulls away
3) I apologise
4) He accepts my apology but stills acts distant
5) I freak out and get upset
6) I work double time to earn back his affection
It doesn’t happen often anymore, but when it does I seriously feel like my world is tipped upside down and I have no security.
Post # 10
Awww..he’s not going to leave you over an untidy house!! I will say though, DH and I fight about the same thing- except I’m the neat one. DH has stepped it up though, so we rarely fight about it anymore, but we did when we first started living together. Don’t stress- but I’d take his concern seriously and work on it.
Post # 9
Are you and your DH doing any type of counseling?
Both of us have been around these boards for quite a while and I know some of your past struggles/posts and I just want to make sure that you are considering all the options and things are on track for you guys to have a healthy marriage! It worries me that you think he will leave you!
Hugs, and hoping for the best for you both!
Post # 11
You really shouldn’t feel like your marriage may end due to a little disagreement. There are much harder hills to climb in marriage. That’s not right that you have to worry about him leaving. You should know without shadow of a doubt that you two can get through anything. I’m so sorry your feeling this way! Living together is an adjustment, I know how it is to be busy and try to maintain a home. It gets hard!
Post # 12
We do actually have a house keeper, she comes once a fortnight.
This is more about me not dumping my stuff all over the place and being tidy.
Post # 13
@dannielle89: While I understand his frustrations (I’m super tidy, FI is not) his reactions are over the top. I certainly get annoyed when FI leaves his crap everywhere, but if I say anything (which usually I don’t – it’s not worth it) I just kindly ask him to put his things away or I offer to help him put them away.
I’m worried for you based on some of your other posts. It cannot be fun (nor is it healthy) living in fear that your husband is going to leave you over a little argument. I’ve been in relationships liek that in the past and it’s not entirely healthy. It breeds an environment where you feel you have to walk on eggshells and cannot speak your mind when your needs aren’t being met or when you are upset with him. Be careful and I hope you guys can work through this (not the fight) but the bigger issue of how you communicate and relate to and react to each other.
If he leaves you over something so minimal, he was not a man you wanted to be with anyways.
Post # 14
@dannielle89: Well then it’s not like your house is a disaster! Messy is different than dirty! I’m not the most organized girl either but that’s a quirk of mine. I’m sure you have things that bother you about him too, he needs to be a bit more excepting!
Post # 15
I’ve also been following your posts & hope that you can work things out. Based on an earlier post you are pregnant? You shouldn’t be worrying about whether your husband wil leave you after a disagreement re a messy home. Like other bees, have you considered counselling?
If the Bee is the only place you have to vent, it’s better out than in 🙂
Edit: if you are pregnant, & this is making you physcailly sick, you need to really take care of yourself. (Even if you’re not, still need to take care)
Post # 16
You seem to work awfully hard at making him happy. Does he do the same for you? When you do all the work in a relationship it can be exhausting and it’s terribly unfair. In the grand scheme of things keeping things tidy is a small thing and he seems to be overreacting.