Alright...long story short I got into HUGE argument with my FI today about blow jobs. He was asking why I don't give them very often. I'm a bluntly honest person, so I told him it's because your pre cum tastes horrible! Well that obviously hurt his feelings...and it turned into this huge argument about how I should repay the favor because he goes down on me all the time. This rationally makes sense...but after talking about that he admits he LOVES going down on me, which is awesome, however, I've never asked him to go down there. And I told him if he thought it tasted bad I wouldn't expect him to do it becaus i Wouldn't want him to do anything that would make him uncomfortable.
Now I'm quite upset , I just wouldn't ask him to eat green beans (the nastiest thing in the world to him) just to make me happy. And the thing is I really don't think it would taste all that bad if he stopped smoking And would eat healthier! I'm a nurse!!!! I know the human body and I know you are what you eat!!!
i would like to know if I'm the one being irrational and selfish! His feelings are hurt just as much as mine! I feel like im not good enough for him because I Can't give him as many blowjobs as he would like, ( He also gets mad because im not into anal) It makes me feel like he expects me to be his little house wife and sex object. I'm not unreasonable, we both like to spice things up and we always expierment with new things, it's just those two things that bother me.
He used to watch so much porn I feel like his view of real sex is skewed. He thinks all women love anal and love to eat cum, and that I'm the weird one.
I'm so sorry you're going throught this. You should not feel forced to give bjs if you don't want to! And yes for some men, too much porn does skew the way they see sex.
I understand he might be hurt because you said his precum taste bad but he can't blame you for not liking the taste. It's really unfair of him to expect you to give him bjs just because he goes down on you. He likes to do it so the two can't be compared.
I would try flavored lubricants like Masque or which ever other ones are out there. That will probably help with the taste and you might be able to enjoy or at the least not mind giving bjs. If that doesn't work your SO can't force you or guilt you into doing them.
@LadyX: thank you!!! I actually tried to make him feel better by saying we can try a flavored lubracant, so hopefully that works. Hopefuly it works, because I do like giving them I just can't get past his taste!
@WingardiumLeviosa: Did he seem receptive to using flavored lubricants? I hope that does solve your problem.
I don't think you should be obligated to give blowjobs if you don't like it. However, I probably wouldn't have been quite so blunt about how precum tasting bad - guys seem to have the same emotional connection to their penis as mothers have to their children, and you wouldn't tell a mother that her child was disgusting (even though there are some grotty kids out there!). But, at the end of the day, if you don't like it, you don't like it!
If it's just an issue of the precum, maybe try blowjobs in the shower or using a flavoured condom?
Careful about responses to this thread, too! I posted a few months ago about how my fiance doesn't like vaginas and I was feeling a bit frustrated with our sex life, and a disturbing number of responses said he was being abusive and I should break up with him.
@LadyX: he said we can try and that it wouldn't bother him. But he follwed that sentace with, "but it would just be nice if you actually let me cum and you actually swallow all of it once in a while" But you know what ill make a deal tomorrow... ill tell him if he can eat and swallow a mouthfull of green beans with a smile on his face then ill do the same for him. Haha ill guess we shall see how that goes.
@LadyElva: Thats aweful!!! People will find just about anything to bitch about! I dont think that's abusive. But I would feel insecure if my FI felt that way. And you are quite right, I shouldn't have been so blunt. And I knew it was going to be a touchy subject, I just finally snapped at him because it's all he's been talking about lately. Every other joke is about blow jobs lately and it was really starting to bug me. But I did apologize for hurting his feelings.
I was going to suggest flavoured lubricants as well.
Have you discussed the issue of how his smoking and unhealthy eating is affecting him - perhaps he would be open to changing those things if it would help your 'blow job' situation.
@WingardiumLeviosa: Exactly! As I'm sure you understand, it is hurtful and upsetting when your partner has issues with some aspect of your body, so I can see why your fiance would be upset right now.
I don't think you should have to do something you're uncomfortable with - forcing you into a sexual act, now that would be abusive! Still, I think this is something that is important to your fiance and you should work towards feeling more comfortable with it. Perhaps try using flavoured lubricants (as LadyX suggested), then gradually use less and less until you get more used to giving blowjobs without freaking out about the taste. Yeah, it sucks for your fiance that you're not comfortable with it, but if he sees you making an effort, then he can't really complain.
@Mischka: he's been trying to quit for awhile now, but I don't think he's giving it his all. But we're moving in together in April and he knows that's almost a deal breaker for me, and he promised to quit by then so hopefully he does.
@LadyElva: I used to give them alllll the time and loved it with ex's but I can't tell him that. He is just super salty and super strange and it's not something I think ill be able to tolerate, but ill try the flavored lubes and see how that goes. If not maybe I can use the mouth Numbing spray! when I use that for sore throats I can never taste anything! Yay I might have solved my own problem! Haha
@WingardiumLeviosa: Make him eat pineapple and a lot more fruit. It'll taste better.
@MangoSong: I was going to suggest that as well. Cinnamon, ginger and citrus is also a good flavour enhancer. Also ask him not to drink beer as it alters the taste.
I would avoid the flavoured lubes/condoms as most are not very pleasant either.
But at the end of the day if you do not enjoy it then you should not have to do it but I would try and be a bit more tactful about it for future conversations.
HA! Sounds just like my FI and I :P
I use to give him blowjobs regularly when we were first dating... (I always hated it but just did it for him). As time went on.. the taste really started to overwhelm me so I just decided that I wasn't going to do it anymore. Like yourself, I always speak my mind and the next time FI wanted me to I just said jokingly 'I quit' haha! It has been 2 years since I gave FI a blowjob! I just stuck to my guns and never gave in.
I'm not sure if this helps but I guess I could relate :)
@kfiorita: If he doesnt get off my case about it after I try more, then ill have to be like you and say I quit! Haha he should he happy i do it at all sometimes.
@WingardiumLeviosa: If you use a numbing spray, it'll numb him too! Not the best plan for a good BJ.... Try the lubes, or if that doesn't work, have you considered with condoms?
(also, poor you, such an awkward situation!)
If the flavored lubes don't work (I think they all taste gross/artificial), you can also try things around the house. Chocolate cake frosting, jelly, champagne... the thicker stuff you can put on him and the thinner stuff you can drink right before/during. Also, swishing with mouthwash could help mask the taste.
Er, my FIs POV:
To Wingardium Leviosa's SO
@j_jaye: I agree, the "falvored" stuff always tastes like crap to me too.
@WingardiumLeviosa: I hate giving blowjobs as well. The taste of cum is alright, but it's the texture. I will gag every single time, and come close to vomiting. I have never allowed my husband to finish in my mouth.
Have you tried flavored lubricants? I swear to god it makes the world of difference.
I buy all of my flavored lubes here: http://www.etsy.com/shop/eatmeintimates My favorites are Buttercream Frosting & White Chocolate. They are lady bits and sex safe with (I think) vegan ingredients. Edit: I see people have discussed flavored lubes before: These do not taste like shit, I promise you. They do not have a heavy sucralose flavor (Although you can taste the Glycerine) nor do they taste "fake". It isn't as real as a hunk of buttercream or white chocolate, but they're pretty damn close. I have also tried her chocolate chip pancake, cherry, cherry cordial, cherry vanilla, & orange truffle.
Have you also thought of not allowing him to finish in your mouth? You could get him to the point of cumming and give him a handjob (or any other job he likes)
I'm not into anal either. I won't even try it, it doesn't sound appealing to me. My husband would like me to be, but it's a 100% no. I told him if it ever changes in the future, he'd know but to not hold his breath.
he's being way oversensitive. while i enjoy giving DH blowjobs, i do not let him cum in my mouth and he knows why. it tastes nasty. he's not offended by that at all. we have it worked out that when he's close, he tells me stop so he doesn't finish in my mouth. we use it as foreplay so we have sex after i stop the bj.
also, you're not obligated to give them. if you don't like it, then you don't have to do it and he needs to stop making you feel guilty or pressuring you into giving them. his view of sex is most definitely skewed (probably from watching porn).
ETA- has he tried chantix to quit smoking? DH used to smoke and went on Chantix and quit within a week. he had one or two slip ups about a year, year and half later but he's been fine since.
Can you work out a deal that bribes him to quit smoking with more blowjobs? You each get what you want...
Just a note: It took me a long time to understand just how important getting BJs is to my FI. It's not that he wants me to be his sex object or boss me around - it's that it's literally the single thing that makes him feel the most loved. (And we have a fabulous relationship, are affectionate all the time, tell each other how much we love each constantly, cry in each others' arms when we need to, etc etc.) But for some reason, this is just the absolute best. So for me, it's worth doing more than I would otherwise want to.
@RedJezabel: Haha, awesome
Masque. It's a tiny strip that blocks the taste receptors that cum&precum give off. It's basicly a cum-taste blocker
http://yourmasque.com/faq
@Hyperventilate: yep! The strawberry tastes like those hard strawberry candies in a strawberry wrapper. I love them. I won't give a bj without them
@MissFireFlower: I might have to pick a few up. They're a bit pricy though. Anything for the sake of love, right? Thanks for the link.
Have him stop drinnking beer!! Seriously #1 thing you can do to make it taste not as gross. Def stopping smoking will make a difference too. I would tell him that every time he stops smoking and drinking beer for 2 weeks, you'll blow him.
Also, if you guys can't come to an agreement about this (BJ and anal), please reconsider marrying him. My friend had the same problem, but the rest of their sex life was decent. But 7 years later, he is miserable and treats her like sh**. (He also had a skewed view of sex because of porn) Every argument boils down to why she won't give him BJ.
@Hyperventilate: they really mask the taste of cum. If you are someoen that wants to vomit when you taste it, then these are for you!
Cum to me has the same consistency of snot. It usually doesn't taste the best, however I love giving blow jobs so I get him to the point where I know he is going to finish and then finish with a handjob. My SO doesn't have very much pre-cum, so that is not an issue. I would hate to give up BJ's, it is just as much pleasure for me pleasing him.
I can see him getting upset about the BJ issue a little bit. If he is going down all the time, it seems a little unfair to say you won't until you have explored all the options for trying to make it better. If it's still nasty to you after you've tried one thing, but I think he at least deserves for you to investigate your options further if truly the only thing bothering you is the taste.
As far as the anal, that's a completely different story. It can be pretty dangerous and there's really no way to reciprocate. I personally see it as a little antifeminist, and told him that I'd be willing to try when he was willing to be ... similarly explored. He hasn't brought it up since.
Try Virgin Coconut Oil as a lube. It tastes good and is great for your skin and lips!
Anal would be out of the question.I would probably get creative with the bj.sounds like there are plenty of option out there.maybe one of those products will be helpful.good luck!
I've heard that meat can really alter the taste as well. But I guarantee that if he smokes, and is eating fast food crap all the time - then its not gonna be good, and its gonna taste horrible.
Not too sure if you're going to like the flavoured lubes - I'm married to a chick so I probably have more experience with these than a lot of you gals here, but the flavoured lubes are gross to me (I also think the flavoured flouride at the denstits is gross too, and i gag). Changing diet is the #1 fix.
Fruit makes it better, particularly pineapple. Also its not just about not letting him finish in your mouth, because you said its the precum thats gross.
Have him fix his diet and stop smoking.
I think REGARDLESS of diet etc, some men will ALWAYS have nasty tasting cum. Ive had long term relationships with a good handful of men and ''diet'' didnt always help. Some are just better than others. ALSO, I find it depends how often they cum in general. I found that my FI will taste a bit bad if he hasnt ejaculated for a week or something as opposed to a day.
I dont mind the taste anyway, even its bad. I do swallow but I will always have water near for when I do swallow I have something to chase it with after lol
Any advice will be what PP's said. Flavored lube etc... Sometimes setting yourself up to be grossed out wont help either and I think you really gotta loveeeee giving head to get past the initial distaste. If I didnt actually enjoy giving head as much as I do, I probably wouldnt be able to stomach it as good.
@WingardiumLeviosa: Solution=ask him to wear a condom. If you're good then it doesn't lessen the feeling at ll. i know pineapple juice works with cum but maybe it'll improve the taste of pre cum too?
I don't see why he thinks it's okay to make such a big deal about it. It's not something you like to do, so he shouldn't even want you to do something you don't want to. I'm sure if he stopped smoking & drank more pineapple juice he would taste a lot better.
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