Fighting with FI about blowjobs

posted 1 year ago in Intimacy
Member
657 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m so sorry you’re going throught this. You should not feel forced to give bjs if you don’t want to! And yes for some men, too much porn does skew the way they see sex. 

I understand he might be hurt because you said his precum taste bad but he can’t blame you for not liking the taste. It’s really unfair of him to expect you to give him bjs just because he goes down on you. He likes to do it so the two can’t be compared.

I would try flavored lubricants like Masque or which ever other ones are out there. That will probably help with the taste and you might be able to enjoy or at the least not mind giving bjs. If that doesn’t work your SO can’t force you or guilt you into doing them. 

Member
657 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@WingardiumLeviosa:  Did he seem receptive to using flavored lubricants? I hope that does solve your problem.

Member
1917 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I don’t think you should be obligated to give blowjobs if you don’t like it. However, I probably wouldn’t have been quite so blunt about how precum tasting bad – guys seem to have the same emotional connection to their penis as mothers have to their children, and you wouldn’t tell a mother that her child was disgusting (even though there are some grotty kids out there!). But, at the end of the day, if you don’t like it, you don’t like it!

If it’s just an issue of the precum, maybe try blowjobs in the shower or using a flavoured condom?

Careful about responses to this thread, too! I posted a few months ago about how my fiance doesn’t like vaginas and I was feeling a bit frustrated with our sex life, and a disturbing number of responses said he was being abusive and I should break up with him.

Member
2253 posts
Buzzing bee

I was going to suggest flavoured lubricants as well.

Have you discussed the issue of how his smoking and unhealthy eating is affecting him – perhaps he would be open to changing those things if it would help your ‘blow job’ situation.

Member
1917 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@WingardiumLeviosa:  Exactly! As I’m sure you understand, it is hurtful and upsetting when your partner has issues with some aspect of your body, so I can see why your fiance would be upset right now.

I don’t think you should have to do something you’re uncomfortable with – forcing you into a sexual act, now that would be abusive! Still, I think this is something that is important to your fiance and you should work towards feeling more comfortable with it. Perhaps try using flavoured lubricants (as LadyX suggested), then gradually use less and less until you get more used to giving blowjobs without freaking out about the taste. Yeah, it sucks for your fiance that you’re not comfortable with it, but if he sees you making an effort, then he can’t really complain.

Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 1966

@MangoSong:  I was going to suggest that as well. Cinnamon, ginger and citrus is also a good flavour enhancer. Also ask him not to drink beer as it alters the taste.

I would avoid the flavoured lubes/condoms as most are not very pleasant either.

But at the end of the day if you do not enjoy it then you should not have to do it but I would try and be a bit more tactful about it for future conversations.

Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

HA!  Sounds just like my FI and I :P

 

I use to give him blowjobs regularly when we were first dating… (I always hated it but just did it for him).  As time went on.. the taste really started to overwhelm me so I just decided that I wasn’t going to do it anymore.  Like yourself, I always speak my mind and the next time FI wanted me to I just said jokingly ‘I quit’ haha! It has been 2 years since I gave FI a blowjob!  I just stuck to my guns and never gave in.

 

I’m not sure if this helps but I guess I could relate :)

Member
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

commenting to respond later! :)

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