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I hope this comes across the right way, because this is not in any way intended to offend anyone. Love ya, bees! 
My significant other and I never fight. We have never had an argument over anything, ever. Perhaps people may think this is because we're naive or that our relationship is still "new" (we're both 23, been dating almost two years) or maybe we don't fight because our relationship is shallow and we simply don't talk about the "tough" topics. But we're totally honest and talk about literally everything! There is nothing I would feel uncomfortable bringing up with him, and I know he feels the same way.
When friends try to confide in me about their relationship troubles, I feel like I don't know how to be helpful. I'm always like, "Can't you just talk about it?" When I tell them that we don't fight, they laugh! They think it can't be true!
I don't think it's bad to fight, I know a lot of couples that have made serious progress in their relationships after a fight. I feel crazy that we don't do this!
I HAVE to know: does anyone else not fight in their relationship? Does make you feel weird or guilty like me?
I think it depends on how you define a "fight".
I voted no, only because we've NEVER, ever had a "discussion" where we yelled, insulted, cried, threatened, or been just plain mean to each other. It just has never happened. BUT, we've definitely had disagreements/miscommunication/hurt feelings. I think that's just normal. We've always been able to solve them quickly, and move on.
We have similar styles of conflict resolution, and I think that's been HUGE for us. We also just are those people that don't get angry easily, and when we do, we get over it really quickly.
But again, it's all in how you define a "fight". :)
My husband & I have occasional disagreements, but we don't really fight. & when we don't agree, we talk about it & its resolved within an hour or so. We never yell at each other, or stomp around, or leave or anything like that, we just talk about it. We've known each other for about 2 years, the last year was courting/dating & we got married last month. So I think there are couples who are really good in communication & don't really fight. Sometimes it does feel wierd when couples fight or tell a story about a fight & I think "really? hmm husband would never do that & I'd never do that to him". I think its awesome you guys never fight :). We're just both really easy going!
We fight, but only on the same couple of topics.
1) the dishes. this is #1. we seriously fight about the dishes at least once a week. we both HATE doing dishes and have no dishwasher. Plus, we both like cooking, so the one cooks/one cleans strategy doesn't work without serious resentment.
2) music. He's an indie music snob and while I like some of his music, i think music snobbery is about the dumbes and most annoying thing ever. (sorry to those of you who are music snobs, but his whole attitude towards music seems predicated on being cooler than other people). sometimes this spreads into his generally wanting to be cool and my wanting to be a big dork.
I mean, seriously, seriously trivial stuff here. I can think of maybe one or two fights we've ever had that aren't on this stuff.
We don't really either. He's just so logical that he doesn't engage. When I get upset he just looks at me, forgets whatever we're talking about, and says, "What's wrong?" and then I work through whatever upset me and we move on to what we were talking about.
J is amazing though. I'm super emotional, so he compliments me well. :)
We go through phases, but we definitely fight. it's usually me who starts the fights. It's how I communicate when something is upsetting me. Luckily, my fiance understands that, and I think we've learned how to fight better over the years. We've definitely made some major relationship progress through our fights too. Do I like fighting? No. But I've realized that I can be kind of a drama queen, so we're always going to have fights at least occassionally. Right now we're going through a good phase, and we haven't fought in a really long time. It makes me so happy that we're getting along so well right now, but I'm sure we'll fight again in the future, and that's ok too!
Entangled - That's so funny that you don't disagree over the actual music, just about his snobbery! I hate that though, I don't blame you for trying to make him less of a snob, haha.
Daydreamwanderer - I can definitely relate to the emotional thing, I am super emotional, so perhaps we have similar complimentary styles like you and J. I have definitely gotten upset about things, but similar to your FI, he doesn't engage and encourages conversation about things.
We used to early on and now it's extremely rare. We've gotten really good at stopping it before it starts and turning arguments into productive conversations. I've actually heard it's a big red flag if you never fight, so I'm careful to always express my true feelings, even if it's not what I think FI wants to hear.
We fought twice in three years. When we fought we didn't scream or yell or call name... but we stopped talking to each other until the next morning, to cool off.
I've learned to go calmly talk to him and tell what is bothering me before it gets out of hand. My BF doesn't fight back, he's just silent, which makes things way worse!! If I go to him calmly he seems to want talk about it over listening to me go on and on...
We still fight, but mostly over his grouchiness which gets me upset in the first place...
We've been together almost 5 years and you learn to do things over time to not fight and still get your own way. It comes from experience..
we disagree but we don't FIGHT. We have a calm, rational, adult discussion about it.
been together 6 years and it's still like that. I think it's just how we are. We're excellent communicators--more than most people thanks to a deployment+long distance. We learned early on to speak our mind, speak it correctly, and don't bitch and moan unless you have a solution. and don't fight mean--neither of us do that.
We don't fight but we definitely have our disagreements. i think a lot of it has to do with how emotional we are with each other - if that makes sense. We have definitely worked on our communication skills with each other and that has helped us a lot. We wouldn't be where we are today without those disagreements. And, I am finding out that another factor about when we argue is dependent on how much time we see each other. The less we see each other, the more we argue. Plus, his love language is quality time, so when we don't have those few nights a week when it is just us, he gets a little sad.
I know its weird but we still haven't gotten into a fight. We just think so similarly and we are both extremely easy going. That doesn't mean however that we haven't had challenges and strife brought on by outside circumstances. We both think its weird, and frankly we would both like to fight once, but for some reason we don't, and we aren't going to make up a fight so... I'm in the same boat... Thank you for making me feel more normal! :)
Wow, I thought we were weird. We've only been together 1yr and 6 months, but we haven't even raised our voices at each other. I do get upset sometimes, but he'll just listen and wait for me to calm down and then we talk. He will not fight with me, which is a good thing.
In the first two years we were together I'm pretty sure we fought only one time: when I said I never wanted to go to walt disney world and he thought i was being a snob.
no, really. that was it haha.
In the past year+ we have fought more, but I think that a lot of that is because the stakes are now so much higher. Before I knew he was "the one" I didn't really say something if something he did annoyed me and wasn't a big deal. But once I knew this was a lifetime deal I started thinking.... okay this is fine for now but if he does it for the next 60 years I'll have to kill him so we better talk this out. haha.
And really, we DO have big fights sometimes. I believe it is because he isn't a very "good fighter" and he tends to get REALLY emotional and defensive. I think I'm better at not personalizing things that aren't personal and trying to work through issues. But... I'm biased :) And it is definitely getting better. The best part is that every time we have a fight something gets resolved and its like... ok that is never going to be a problem again for the rest of our lives. nice.
Do I think you and your guy are a little weird? Yea kind of :) But miracles do happen. I just hope that you don't get surprised when you finally DO have your first fight. I hope you both fight fair. I hope you don't think the world (or your relationship) are ending if you have a blow-out.
I think we've fought a total of two times in as many years and I wouldn't even call them fights. What's good about FI is that he's great at talking things out and approaches me in a very rational way to solve any issues.
Not yet! We're like some of the other people who posted in this thread; easy going, talkers, and we don't raise our voices at each other or get aggressive. I'm guilty of sulking though, and I've seen him lose his temper a few times, which isn't fun to experience. If something ever comes up that feels worth a fight, I hope I'll remember to step back and remind myself it's definitely not worth a "fight." Worth fighting for maybe, but only in constructive ways.
Nope, we really don't fight either! We get into small disagreements, and sometimes we need our space, but we don't go screaming at each other. Often, if we come across a disagreement, we just look at each other and start laughing. No you're not going to get along all the time, and no everything won't be hunky dorey, but it IS possible to have a relationship and NOT fight! People would call me crazy when I said that me and Fiance don't fight--like we're crazy or we aren't expressing ourselves enough.
I come from a family of fighters, my mom and dad are constantly at each others throats and I just can't stand to ever be in a relationship like that. So no worries, it's completely normal not to fight!
Yes, we fight, but we have gotten better at how we fight, thankfully.
Every person in my life who is important to me and who I love--mom, sisters, best friends--I have fought with.
Corgitales- Wow, I thought it was just me. I felt the same way about Disney World!LOL And know what? My SO wants to get married there and I kinda like the idea once I saw all the info he had and packages.LOL
We get snappy with each other sometimes. I think when you spend a lot of time with someone they are bound to get on your nerves once in a while. We've had fights where we've raised our voices maybe 2-3 times out of a 4.5 year relationship. We've never gone without talking for more than 20 minutes (maybe even less).
My husband and I NEVER EVER fight about anything. We talk everything out when it comes up. We've had points where I've cried over feeling so alone being at home alone all week. We've never yelled, hit, smacked, or even raised our voices at each other.
Like a pp said, I think the answer might depend on what you consider “fighting” to be. To me, “fighting” would include: screaming/yelling, storming out of a house, being intentionally mean, threatening to break up with someone, insulting the other person, any sort of physical violence, throwing items, etc.
We’ve had disagreements and there have been miscommunications (sometimes with hurt feelings due to misunderstandings) but we’ve never fought. When we disagree, I tend to get very quiet and need some space for a bit, he tends to talk to sit down and talk everything out immediately. We’ve both had to work at making sure we are being good communicators. But I voted “no”, because we don’t fight (and honestly, rarely disagree or have any sort of argument/disagreement/etc.) We really try to deal with issues as they arise, and not let them escalate.
Honestly, this is the "easiest" relationship I've ever had! We just click, and we just don't fight. ;-)
In four years my FI and I have only had one fight. That fight was truly a breaking point for us, we generally have very good communication but we had a breakdown in that for some reason, we hit a wall I guess. Since then (over a year ago) things have actually been better than they were before because we really value our communication skill and respect each other even more because we don't fight 'dirty' like some of our couple friends do. Honestly when we hang out with them when we get home we talk about how much we appreciate each other because I can't imagine talking down to him or vice versa. I think that as long as you aren't ignoring the issues and avoiding topics on purpose that there is nothing wrong with not fighting! If it works for you and you're open with eachother about sensitive topics I think you're doing great!
We hardly ever fight (it hardly ever gets to that point- we will discuss and discuss) and when we do, it's about his family. That is the one thing we argue about.
Corgitales - I agree with you completly!
FI is very level headed, logical, even keeled, I am much more emotional. Mostly this works out fine, ie: he can diffuse the situation. Overall our fight are few and far between and don't last very long, but we've definetly fought before.
We have disagreed on things- but have never really had what I would call a fight.
Humm we never used to fight before..but living together ( i moved to another country for him and i miss my loved ones) planning a wedding alone having some drama with the family and financial stress have brought up few arguments..nothing big thu as WE ALWAYS talk and know each other very well..the big issue is he is VERY VERY VERYYYYY sensitive so he gets upset over simple silly things and acts like a little baby then i "baby" him and he is all good..but if i am tired..have a headache or just not a in a good mood..when he get upset for a very lame reason it ends up being a problem his goal to GET SHOWERED with even morel ove backfires into getting ignored...other than that no we do not and have not had a REAL FIGHT :)
We didn't get into a "big fight" until around the 4 year mark I think? But even then I wouldn't even consider it a huge fight. We've had disagreements here & there, but nothing major. For the most part we get along really well.
I fight him, he loves me. My FI is like many of yours... he's super level headed & doesn't engage when I get upset. He's also 12 years older than me, so my style of fighting has drastically changed. I've had to grow up a lot.
We've had spats throughout our relationship, but a big part of it is the distance. Whenever we "fight" its usually because we miss each other or just had a bad day & the other person wasn't there. We're so close to the finish line though, it's getting easier. :)
I think the issue is definitions. To me if one party is upset and hurt - that's a fight. It might be a quickly well resolved fight but it is still a fight. And refusing to engage doesn't mean there is no fight going on - it just means there is no yelling going on.
We disagree but rarely fight... For us, we work so hard to respect each other's point of view that though there may be disagreement it rarely results in yelling or emotional distress. Of course, some might call our occasional discussions fights... but neither of us see them as such.
I think we've "fought" only 2 times and it was over our long distance relationship. It's really hard to be mad at Mr. DG when you look at him!
FI and I have gotten into 2 arguments the entire time we have been together. We openly talk about anything that is bothering us at the instant it is bothering us. I love how much we are in tune with eachother.
Actually, we get in a teeny argument, it lasts about 5 minutes of being frustrated with each other, and we make up and apologize. lol. and they weren't even "yelling" fights, they were more disagreements.
We disagree. We never yell, make threats, say mean things or anything likethat. One of us will get frastrated with the other, but we just have a conversation about it, and then things are ok. There are also times we had to agree to disagree or to talk about it another time, because we could feel tension building in our discussion. We called off the moment and did something else for a while. Something together, or at least in the same room so that there was no room for resentment to build up.
We talk and sometimes get a bit frustrated if one of us can't figure out how to verbalize what's irritating us but we don't have yelling matches or raised voices or threats or name calling or anything like that. We rarely disagree but if we do it gets talked out.
I did date a guy who for some reason we didn't ever really seem to get into disagreements or have irritation with each other, I can't think of a time where we did until I said time to break up. A bit weird breaking up without disagreements but I didnt have enough connection or something to him after several years of dating.
we have been together for 3 years and we have seriously only had 1 fight. It was a doozey, but it was seriously the only time we have ever fought. We discuss everything from the weather to politics. When we started dating, we agreed that it was OK to have different opinions on topics and that we would not fight over our different views.
We don't fight, but I think it is more because of our personalities. I'm a severe overcommunicator, so nothing really ever goes unsaid, and both of us are very sensitive. So everything is always out in the open, and anything that could become a "fight" ends up being just a discusison. And neither of us gets very annoyed easily. Especially him. There are a number of things that I've done where if I were him, I'd be mad... but he just shrugs everything off and of course I apologize. Neither one of us has ever yelled at the other.
We don't fight. If I wanted to fight I would have stayed with my X. I lived in a land of where nothing was not about arguing. Life is too short for me to spend it angry and frustrated. On the rare occasion that he reacts stupidly I leave the room, he always comes and apologizes. But other than politics and music our outlook is identical on everything, there is very little to fight about.
GUESS I SPOKE TOO SOON. I'M SO MAD AT MY FI RIGHT NOW, I AM HAVING BLURRED VISION. OH, WAIT, THAT MIGHT BE THE TEARS OF RAGE.
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