Fights about cleaning?!

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@anon00:  I had to laugh becausethis is literally me and FI lol.  My FI is CRAZY when it comes to cleaning. I’m not going to lie I can be messy, but I do my fair share of cleaning but it is never good enough. Don’t even get me started on doing the dishes lol! FI will literally take the dishes I have placed in the dishwasher and go back and re-wash them because he has to have it done a certain way! Yell

 

What we decided to do is make a list of things we are each responsible for cleaning each week and stick to that. My jobs are laundry and cleaning upstairs and he does the dishes and lower half of the house. I love it because this way we are separated and have time to clean the way we want (I blast music and watch bravo tv) and he can do his super OCD routine. It has been working great so far! Also, we made a promise not to criticize each other!  I don’t know about you, but when someone criticizes the way I clean it makes me want to do it less. Maybe tell him  that and he will back off! 🙂

 

Post # 5
Member
466 posts
Helper bee

I’m def in the same boat as you.  My SO is like the cleaning Nazi.  I don’t think I’m messy, but I am not psycho about cleaning.  He will come in and clean after me when I’m finished tidying up.  I will get pissed at him, and he will say, well you should have done it right the first time.  It makse me want to KILL him.  If I ask him not to clean something, because he’s been doing all the cleaning, he will simply say that I can’t do it correctly.  GAHH!

However, he also gets annoyed that he does all the cleaning, and makes teasing remarks about how I’m so messy in an attempt to make me clean.  I don’t get it.  As time has gone on, I make more of an effort, but it DEFINATELY does not get recognized.  

It drives me nutts.  If you can thnk of a good way to bring it up without fighting let me know, because we haven’t found it yet.  We rarely fight, unless its about cleaning.  

I guess it could be worse.  In most other living situations I’ve been the clean one and been the one getting annoyed at my roommate/friends/family for being messy.  I’d rather have him go around being annoyed at the mess all the time rather than me! 😉

Post # 7
Member
466 posts
Helper bee

@anon00:  Haha, I totally feel you.  When I complain to my girlfriends, they all act confused.  They would love a hubby, SO, FI who cleaned, but I’m not sure if cleanliness is worth the attitude.  Guess the grass is always greener…  

Post # 8
Member
1336 posts
Bumble bee

@anon00:  Hahaha  you have the exact opposite problem that my FI and I have!  For the first 6 months or so after we moved in together, I would get so angry and resentful because I was always picking up after everybody (FI plus 3 pets).  I don’t mind a little bit of clutter but dirt and general cleanliness is something I’m picky about because I’m a germ-phobe (esp with so many animals walking around everywhere). It used to drive me crazy because with the exception of his work office, which he keeps absolutely immaculate, he just assumes that any dirt, crud, food, hair, etc. is going to “magically” clean itself and disappear whenever he carelessly leaves it lying around everywhere.  We’ve had several fights about it, but nothing ever really changed.  Finally one day I absolutely HAD IT and totally went on a “cleaning strike.”  I stopped making the bed, left clothes in the washing machine, stopped cleaning the kitchen/dishes, vacuuming etc. and after a few days it got pretty cruddy.  It got so bad, I even went as far as to tell him one morning that I was no longer going to pick-up after the dog (technically it’s his dog) and that he was going to have to do everything for him from then on.  That was the last draw and FI totally broke down.  He apologized for being an a-hole and ever since has been really helpful about cleaning, and even goes as far as to tell me to REST and that he’ll take care of the house chores.  

But yeah, it used to be really bad and the fights/build up of resentment was putting a wedge in our relationship.  I had so much resentment that since my threshold for dirtiness is much lower than FI, I felt it was super unfair that I was the only one stuck cleaning all the time since it didn’t bother him.  OP, I understand where your BF is coming from.  It takes a compromise on both your ends to make this work.  For me I had to learn to live with things a little messier and FI had to learn to be cleaner.  And all the nagging and passive aggressive remarks/teasing needs to stop.  I found whenever I complained to FI about it, it only made it worse because it made him not want to help clean even more.  But you definitely need to change your standards a bit and help out more in the way he likes it clean, otherwise it can turn pretty bitter & ugly.

Post # 9
Member
1336 posts
Bumble bee

@lawyerchick13:  Hahahha  I definitely do clean-up after my FI after he’s done cleaning.  I used to get upset that his cleaning meant another round of cleaning (why not just get it ALL clean the first time?!).  But these days I’ve learned to live with it.  I’ll still clean after him if I absolutely can’t stand it.

Post # 10
Member
3778 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@anon00:  I’m going to preface this with.. He shouldn’t be guilt tripping you or feeling more superior about the chores…

that being said: “Usually, my boyfriend cleans the living room, bathroom and kitchen, and I take care of the bedroom, laundry, hallways  and closet.”

Keeping the bathroom and kitchen clean really is a lot more work than the other stuff. Maybe suggest switching up chores? like having him keep the bedroom clean and you do the bathroom? And maybe sharing the laundry duty?

We don’t really draw the line when it comes to household chores. But there are definitely certain chores we like to stick to (ie I do the bathrom and he does the dishes normally) It’s hard moving in with someone and I think you need to sit down and discuss it. Tell him he needs to stop guilt tripping you and that maybe a different thing needs to be done when it comes to chores. Maybe reorganization of duties or trying keep everything picked up as the day goes on(so it’s less of a mess to clean up)

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