- 3 years ago
When I met my boyfriend he was a messy college student. But ever since we got our apartment, he’s been obsessed with keeping it clean. It’s a nice change, since our apartment is looking better each year, but sometimes it causes fights.
Full disclosure, I am messy. I love the look of a clean house but I often don’t realize when I’m being messy, and when I clean up I don’t do it meticulously. I’m great at organizing closets/drawers, but really awful at anything that involves actual dirt/scrubbing.
Usually, my boyfriend cleans the living room, bathroom and kitchen, and I take care of the bedroom, laundry, hallways and closet. However, he still always acts like HE’s doing more work than I am, even though I’d say it’s equal. I would like to see it as more of a group effort, but I feel like every time we clean, he points out how well he cleaned in comparison with how poorly I cleaned. He says it like he’s joking, but every time I talk to him about what I could improve on, he always mentions cleaning.
It’s gotten to the point where I have tried to forbid him from washing the dishes, because every time he does, he reminds me over and over again about how he washed the dishes and I didn’t. I don’t like him doing ANY chores because I feel like he holds it against me, even if I do my share. He has the right to be somewhat resentful since I haven’t always put effort into cleaning, but these days I’m really trying my best, and I feel like I’m not getting any recognition for it.
He seems to value chores by what benefits HIM the most- he thinks it’s no big deal if I organize the closet because he rarely uses it, but a bigger deal if he cleans the kitchen because we both use it. I told him that cleaning the closet in turn creates more free space in the bedroom that will make it look less cluttered, but he doesn’t seem to see it that way. He saw me taking pics of clothing that I was selling (in order to clean out the closet) and he said “At least I’m actually working and not just playing around taking pictures.”
How would you approach this subject, and are any of you in the same boat as me? Do you think he’s using his “teasing” to try and get me to clean more? I don’t know how much more I can clean!