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This is definitely an issue that needs to be worked out to a compromise. Whereas he does bring up good points about health benefits, etc., he also needs to be reminded that it's YOUR body that is involved, not his! Would he be so enthusiastic to do it if it was physically possible for him to?
I've asked him that, he says he would. I have said how much time that will take and he SAYS that we'll find a way to help with that (hire someone to clean house, he'll so more stuff around the house) but I am skeptical since he works a lot and can't easily change that.(60 hours a week)
I agree with krissycake. Breastfeeding isn't for everyone. My sister tried with her first one but that lasted two weeks. She was just miserable and couldn't get past it so she chose not to breastfeed the other child.
You have to do what is best for you and the baby. You could try it and if it doesn't work out, then don't feel pressured in doing it. This is something that your hubs needs to understand.
Yeah, it's definitely a hot topic. Another aspect to it is this: one of my friends was really into the idea of it, because she knew the benefits, yadda, yadda, and she was going to be a SAHM for the most part, so it would have worked out, schedule wise for her, but try as she might, once baby came around, the breastfeeding experience was on the whole, unsuccessful. She tried every method, went to tons of classes, and had lots of time and patience, but it was just a no-go. So, don't feel bad if it's not something you're able to do, there are many reasons why it just isn't the best option for some situations.
What caught my attention was when you wrote "I am not thrilled about the prospect of pregnancy but know that's the price of having a baby, but after 9 months, I want my body back to myself." I'm probably reading too much into this, but are you sure that you *both* want kids, or are you having kids just because he wants to?
My suggestion for you would be to sit down with a lactation consultant, doctor, nurse or midwife, etc. (if possible, before you're pregnant) and talk about options. That way you at least have a third party to hear your concerns (medication, no place to pump at work, which is a *serious* issue in our country ...) and your husband's concerns (health of child). You might have other options as well. Not too long ago, wet nurses were quite common* -- a lactation consultant or midwife might be able to help you find a middle ground like that.
*ETA: I'm not sure if wet nurses are still common, or if there is a modern equivalent. It was just something that popped into my head.
Why don't you go meet with some doctors about it and also some women who have and have NOT breastfed?Maybe if he hears a doctor say something about your medication, etc not being a good mix with breastfeeding, he will understand that it's more than "because I don't want to". Also, you may change your mind AFTER you have the child. Most women want that connection with their baby.
Lots of people can't/don't breastfeed for lots of reasons. Their babies still turn out fine.
But, if your DH is super adamant about it...what's the harm in trying? You may enjoy the experience. Plenty of women work and breastfeed, by the way. Companies are REQUIRED to provide you the ability to do so. Mother's rooms, etc.The cost of formula every month would be in the hundreds--for that amount of money you may as well hire personal help!!! My mom got pregnant with my brother when I was only 9 months old and she had a nanny around to help her out because two babies were a handful.
Ugh, the pressure to breast feed makes me so upset. What he needs to understand is that it's just not possible for everyone. My baby was a preemie and wasn't able to latch on correctly (a problem exacerbated by my flat nipples), and breast feeding would have required what I consider a superhuman effort. I would have been nursing every two hours, which took about 40 minutes, then pumping for 10 minutes to establish supply, then clean up. That's an entire hour every two hours. The reality of that was that I just didn't sleep because I knew I'd have to be up again in an hour. Add to that outrageous time commitment the fact that I wasn't that interested in breast feeding to begin with. I did it for a week before I was crying before every feeding in utter dread. I hated nursing. I pumped for 3 weeks and bottle fed the expressed milk, but my supply dropped to nothing, and now we formula feed. Everyone is happier-- my baby has plenty to eat and I'm not losing my mind trying to function on no sleep-- and I no longer feel like a dairy cow- I feel like a mom. I would be PISSED if my DH tried to make me feel guilty about doing what I knew was best for all of us. What is best for baby is a happy mother, not an all-you-can-eat buffet.
This article helped me a lot with coming to terms with not breast feeding: http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200904/case-against-breastfeeding
I have a number of friends who never breastfed - but did pump and fed from a bottle. not sure if that is appealing to you? I think even doing that for your 6 weeks maternity leave will be great for the baby.
It is great that your husband is so excited to do what is best for the baby, but it is unfortunately not his right to demand that you pump yourself for a year at work - that is a huge burden and only something you should do if YOU want to. Very very few women breastfeed for that long. Yes, when you have a baby a lot of your life becomes theirs, but you are still a person!! Maybe you can talk to your doctor about this and see if they can recommend any literature to help your FI be a bit more reasonable...
This is definately a hot button issue. And people have very vocal feelings on both sides.
If you're torn, or have questions about it's effect on your body. I'd definately talk to someone, perhaps a lactation consultant at a hospital near you?
I agree with the other ladies, in the end it is your choice, and you should not be made to feel guilty about it.
My personal experience. I breastfed both my sons. Both were preemies and in the NICU. The second (who is now two) was very difficult. He didnt latch well (thank you god in the beginning for a nipple shield). I did not have any adverse effects on my body from breastfeeding. And I also went back to work 12 weeks after he was born, and I pumped for another 3 or 4 months. Did I last for a year? Nope. I think I made it a solid 6 or 7 months. Do I feel guilty I didnt make it a year? Nope.
Ok, yes, it is healthier for your child if you can breastfeed even a little. Your breastmilk is natures perfect food (especially the colostrum at the beginning, which provides your child with vital antibodies) It's cheaper, it's portable, and frankly it relaxed me at night to nurse him before we both fell asleep. The feeling of warm baby skin against mine is addictive.
But if it's not for you, it's not for you. Motherhood already has enough guilt inducing pitfalls along the way.
I *HATE* that you are getting this pressure about how to use YOUR body!!!!!! AHHH....!!!!!!
I think most good doctors out there will tell you, if you want to try breastfeeding, try to do it as long as you are comfortable doing it. And that's IF you want to try it! This mandated timeframe is ridiculous. But just in the last couple of years, baby formula has made huge leaps and as far as mimicking the nutritional benefits of breast milk.
If I were you I would do these three things when having this discussion with your husband:
1. Acknowledge his wishes and validate what he says. Tell him that you understand and you value what he wants for your future children.
2. Explain the what a huge personal decision this is to you and ask that he acknowledge YOUR feelings and wishes on the subject.
3. Present research and medical data to support the use of formula - thereby giving your argument some basis.
Good Luck and I hope that you feel respected enough in your relationship to make this decision about your body and your family.
I wish that I was going to be able to breastfeed for a prolonged period of time, but like you I take a medication that's considered unacceptable to the baby. I *have* to start taking this medicine at 6 weeks post-partum or risk serious damage to my health... which would in turn mean that the baby will suffer. At 6 weeks the baby will have gotten a lot of maternal antibodies and good benefits from breast feeding, and I'll pump as much as I can to get a few more weeks.
Yes, breast feeding is "best" when it works and doesn't cause maternal problems or distress, but you have to do what is right for you and your family.
Please just read as much as you can, be informed, and then make the best decision for you.
I can sympathize...my husband is adamant that our children should be breastfed and was surprised when I told him that I'm hesitant about it. I'm planning to give it the good ol' college try, but I was hurt when he told me he thinks not breastfeeding is a selfish choice if there aren't medical reasons preventing me from doing so.
My mother never breastfed any of us and she is one of the most selfless people I know! It's just not the right choice for everybody. I told him that fear of the unknown is the major reason that I'm having doubts, and that I'm certainly going to try my best, but that this is MY body - I am not livestock on a farm.
Many times the choice to breastfeed is made for you. One friend experienced so much pain that she just couldn't do it with her first child. She had no problems breastfeeding her second. Sometimes the baby just can't latch correctly.
Another friend breastfed for as long as she could, but once she went back to work her supply just dwindled, even with pumping. I think her baby was formula only after 3 or 4 months.
Another friend's baby experienced some digestive issues related to her diet so she had to keep starting and stopping breastfeeding while it got figured out. This eventually lead to the baby being formula only because all the starting and stopping affected her milk production.
The thing is, each person's experience is different. Each baby is different. And this is not something you always have control over. Breastfeeding is best (nutritionally) and I think your husband has very good intentions, but he does need to take a more compassionate approach to it. It is your body, you are aware of medication interactions that might be bad. He needs to trust that BOTH of you will be able to make a decision that works for you and for the baby. Whew! Sorry to be so long winded!
One other thing I want to make clear- the medications in question are not for anything serious- more quality of life- like my acne medication. His take is that if there are problems, we sit down with lactation consultants until we figure it out. Thanks for your help, I am just so frustrated.
ive never breastfed and i dont have kids, but a year seems REALLY long. wont the kid have teeth by then? I hate it when men - any men, my huscand included - try to tell us what to do with our bodies. you cant carry a baby, you arent the one that will have to do the breastfeeding, or the one that will have to get up every 3 hours at 2 am to do the feeding. im all for discussions and common ground and stuff, but ultimately, it your body. so it really doesnt matter what he wants, only what you'll compromise to do. if you just want to breastfeed for 6 weeks, then only do it for 6 weeks.
I didn't breastfeed my daughter b/c I was a full-time student AND I needed to work to support her. None of my family did the "breastfeeding" thing though so it wasn't a big deal. My FI and I discussed and he would like me to breastfeed any children we have together for the 1st year. I am fine with it...only because I let him know that if he expects me to breastfeed, I expect to be a SAHM for that year.
Men are just kinda dense about this stuff in general (hence the lack of compassion, i agree!)
Shoot, mine thought you breastfeed for "a month or two" normally, then was shocked to find out a year is recommended.
I think most women grapple with the reality of being ABLE to breastfeed and WANTING to. I'm sure it becomes overwhelming if you have more things than the baby on your plate.
After all, I can't imagine taking that many breaks at my job just to pump somewhere. It's not like I can do that at my desk. It's gotta be SO much harder for women who don't have jobs that allow them to have that luxury!
Can y0u find some research that supports that not breastfeeding your child doesn't hurt them? Your husband may be swayed by another opinion.
I also hate when men tell us what to do with our bodies. But i feel that way about EVERY topic. NO uterus, NO OPINION! =]
Maybe, in order for men to fully undrstand how difficult breastfeeding is, we should keep little crabs in a bucket and make THEM latch onto sensitive areas for a couple hours every day with intervals in between.
See how long they last =]
I wish public opionon would not be so critical on women who choose not to breast feed bc honestly no one really knows what is best for their baby until that little one comes! Some babies dont latch, some moms don't produce enough milk, sometimes babies have GERD with breastmilk so if this happens, is it ok to get upset with your wife or disapprove that mom is not breastfeeding?! I feel you guys should definetly talk about it but in the reality of things, while it is good to have a plan, you never know what is going to happen once the baby is born. I am a pediatrics nurse and I have seen alot of Moms with Newborns come in disppointed they cant produce or they wont latch or it does cause reflux. I also see newbies that are not breastfed by choice and they are healthy babies too! You need to do what is best for You and your baby.
It doesn't work for everyone, but if you can, i would try. I did, and I went back to work full-time and school and still made it work. Pumping is hard, but you can always pump in the evenings and morning, and mix with formula. As for it grossing you out, I'd wait until you had your baby to decide! My thoughts changed a lot on breastfeeding after I had my son! :) But you need to do what makes you feel best and is still best for your baby. It may not work to breastfeed, but that is still ok. Formulas are so good know and fortified with everything a newborn needs.
You should do what you feel comfortable with. I breastfed my daughter for the first 7 weeks. At that point I was not producing enough milk to keep up with her nutritional demands. So I started supplementing with formula. Am I selfish? Am I a bad mother? There are all sorts of reasons- medical, emotional etc. why breastfeeding may not be the best option or entriely feasible. And yes- people are awful saying mean things when they don't even know your situaion. It is YOUR body and no one should pressure you to do anything you feel uncomfortable with.
Check out http://milkshare.birthingforlife.com/ . If the baby having breastmilk is what's important to your DH, as opposed to you, personally, breastfeeding, maybe you could look into getting milk donated. You may find it difficult if you're a won't rather than a can't case.
and as regards acne, you may find that your skin changes through pregnancy and after birth. I had hormonal acne and it has calmed WAY down since I got pregnant. I'd say give it a shot during maternity leave, and give it a few weeks.. it can be uncomfortable for a while. But formula feeding is not the end of the world, of course. :) Good luck!
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FH and I will be trying soon, but we keep having this fight over breastfeeding, which actually started when we were dating. He thinks that breastfeeding is healthiest, and that the process is amazing and is adamant about me doing it for a year because, "If you're going to have a baby, you should do what's best for them." I see his point, I know that healthwise it is the best, and do like the weight-loss aspect, but I will be working full-time or close to it after the baby comes in a super busy/stressful job, so pumping breaks would be difficult. I am not thrilled about the prospect of pregnancy, but know that's the price of having a baby, but after 9 months, I want my body back to myself. Some meds that I am on will have to be stopped during pregnancy, and they're not great for breastfeeding either, and I already am upset about stopping them. The thought of breastfeeding is gross to me. My thought is that I could probably compromise for the time I am on maternity leave- 6 weeks, but I can't imagine doing it for a year. I don't know what to do- I feel so angry that I feel forced to breastfeed, (I am not attacking anyone who breastfeeds, if that is working for you, I think it's great, just don't feel it's for me.)