- 4 years ago
- Wedding: November 2011
I posted yesterday about being passive and I admit that I’m a little insecure in our relationship given our past, even though I’ve been working on learning to trust again. I was doing really well until about a month ago.
I figured out where the most recent insecurities are coming from. I had mentioned that 6 months ago, DH had to start going to a temp location that’s an hour vs. 5 minute commute. It was cutting into our personal time and he was extremely tired and cranky all the time and sex was only happening if I initiated.
Six weeks ago, a new girl (Sue) started there. She’s married but her husband didn’t arrive here until last week. DH told me once that HE didn’t believe men and women could be friends w/o one or both developing feelings for each other. So when he started bringing her up randomly when we were out…it didn’t sit well with me. He never mentions other coworkers btw.
One night (several weeks ago) we took a stroll along the river near our house and we’re looking at the city across and he points and tells me that’s the hotel where Sue is staying. It shocked me that he just randomly brought it up and I guess that’s when I started noticing how much he talked about her. And not just to me but to FIL (who is going to be working w/Sue.)
I noticed it was almost a daily thing and it wasn’t like when we’re alone at home…we’re at a festival and he brings her up, we’re on our beach trip and he brings her up…you get the point. And not work stuff but personal stuff…
We had to go to a work function for him yesterday. He introduced me to someone new, we sit down, eat, and then he says he should’ve introduced me to Sue since she was right there with the other person. He then mentions her a couple more times “I think Sue is over there”, “We should go over there, Sue’s there” and “My boss wants me to work out with a bunch of our coworkers” I say “OK that sounds good, wish I could join in!” and he tells me that Sue is part of the workout group.
I really wished I’d had the guts to tell him to chill on mentioning her but we were around his coworkers. We go over to get some beer and Sue walks over…he introduces us, her DH shows up, I meet him, then he leaves. She didn’t talk much to us (which DH said was weird as she’s outgoing/friendly.) A few others show up and we’re talking and I feel like someone’s looking at me…Sue is there giving me dirty looks. Continues to do this..to the point where I start to feel uncomfortable.
We go home and DH mentions he likes Sue’s DH and we should start hanging out with them…that was my moment to say something or I knew I’d regret it.
I asked him if he had any idea WHY she was giving me looks…he said “I think she’s jealous of you.” I told him I think she has a crush on him and he tells me he started to think that a couple of weeks ago. She had apparently tried to get him to go to lunch alone with her but he refused b/c he didn’t feel it was innocent.
I ask him if he has a crush on her since he’s always talking about her. He said “well, she’s cool and friendly and I enjoy having someone to talk to”…then later “well, she isn’t always mad at me like you are.” He says if that’s the definition of a crush then he guesses he has one on her too…but he’d never act on it. BTW, they have NO contact outside of work. And he’s going back to the original place next week…although he’ll be working with her DH now.
I told him with our previous communication/trust issues, he should have been able to say “I think Sue is over there…btw, not to freak you out but I think she might have a thing for me…” I would have taken that as a sign he’s trying to be upfront about things. He admitted that he was/has been incredibly worried about introducing me to her for weeks…b/c I “would HATE her b/c she’s a decent looking, friendly, flirty girl and especially towards him.” He then says b/c he’s flirty w/her it might piss me off…gee really?
We’ve been talking/fighting/crying about it ever since. Figuring out HOW we got to this point…there’s been a lot of blaming me for the way I’ve been distant, mad, upset about when we’re together in public, etc.
I’m seriously thinking about cancelling our current IVF cycle…DH thinks we can work through this stuff and thinks I’m rushing a major decision like that. I have until midweek to cancel it but it’s still a possibility.
I’ve also decided that I need a break from the Bee…as much as I hate to, I need to figure out what to do next.
Thanks for letting me vent…