- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
I wish I knew where to start.
Months ago, my FMIL re-made our guest list, after our STD’s but before the invites. I wasn’t happy but whatever. Friday our Invitations came in, I was in love, they are beautiful. On Sat. am I put a post on here and on my Facebook asking if anyone knew how to do a mail merge. A friend got back to me saying she had 2 hours or so before getting into her very busy day with kids and work. I thanked her and accepted her help. I cleaned up my xcel spreadsheet by taking out abreviations, checking spelling etc. I called my Mom, I asked if I had 2 invites going to to the same house if it was ok to just put both names on 1 envelope for 1 invite for all 3 people, she said yes, it was not a problem for that family. Then I called the future in laws who were not home, I left a message and called FMIL’s cell. I got a hold of her. We chatted for about 45 min where I got her approval, but found out that FBIL is getting a divorce so NOT to send his invite until we got a new address for him. No problem. So the files was sent to my friend, she created the mail merge and sent it back to me about 1ish.
4pm I get a call from my FFIL, YELLING at me. How dare I not give the father of the groom and the officiant the courtesy of looking at the list before I sent it to this person to print!! I told him that, that “person” was a close friend of mine who was doing me a favor in a short period of time that she had. Well to him she was unimportant so I should have just told her to wait until I had a new address for FBIL. I told him in the worst possible scenario we could hand write FBIL’s envelope. Well that truly set him off. No son of his was going to have anything less than anyone else!!! If I was going to print 1 envelope I had to print them all! (keep in mind he is YELLING at me full force.) I was told I treated his son (whom I have never met in my 6 year relationship, who is currently living in a car we found out), like a 3rd class citizen, because I dared to threaten to write his envelope out. I should have my friend re-do the file, and I said no I would not ask her to do that. Apparently FI thinks I was wrong for saying NO to that. But when someone says they would help me, I don’t like looking a gift horse in the mouth and asking for things above and beyond what they have already done!
I don’t have a Dad, I have gotten close to my FFIL. But all that trust is gone and to be honest will take a lot to repair. FI told his father that he needed to cool off and appologize and FFIL said, “If she think that is bad, she needs to get thicker skin”. Now a: It was bad enough that it scared my 9 year old son who told me I should have yelled back, because no one should treat me that way. B: He isn’t MY Dad, he has no right. C: I didn’t HAVE to give them the “courtesy” But I did. I DID get it approved by his wife HOURS before and because he didn’t talk to her and because his is stressed out at his other son’s situation, don’t take it out on me.
When his other son got married they called from CA to their parents in Massachusetts and said, “we are getting married next week in the back yard if you would like to come”. They had planned it for months and not told his parents. I have kept his parents in the loop the whole time because I know how much that hurt FMIL. I even asked FFIL to officiate. Now I just feel kicked in the chest.
What ALSO Kills me is that they know that FBIL’s wife was my hair/makeup stylist for the wedding, and they have know for about 3 weeks that she would not be coming. While I understnad that is not a pleasant conversation. SOMEONE should have mentioned it to me. He, FSIL isn’t going to make the wedding, you might want to look into hair and make-up. You know during the school vacation when I could have gone the 17 hours to check it out??? But nope… not a courtesy that was extended.
FFIL called today, I was out helping a friend move, the first call I ingnored. I told FI I was going to text him that I was with people and would talk to him later but before I had the chance FFLI called again (less than 10 min later). I explained to him that I was busy, could we chat tonight, he said he had plans from 9-11 so there was simply no way. So I said that I was with friends but I could step away for a few moments, I just did not want to get into anything involved right now. His response “Well how inappropriate.” He was very put out that I was busy even though I tried to accomidate him a little, he simply hung up on me. Now I shake with nerves every time the phone rings and I am not entirely sure I want to answer it at all.
Words… truthful… please… I am more hurt than mad… there is nothing inside me anymore that wants to call and say “Hey guess what….*insert exciting wedding plan here*” Or … “We were thinking about doing this.. what do you think?”