Post # 1
Hello Bee’s. I’ve been enjoying this website since the beginning of this year and i’m totally hooked. I need your advice on this crucial issue.
My fiancee is divorced with two kids, one adopted and one from previous marriage.He has just formally informed his family (dad and brother) about our engagement. Initially his dad was"fine", and a week a later he calls him to this urgent family meeting to let him know that "they" as a family are very happy that he decided to get married again but they want him to marry an exgirlfriend because his kids had gotten used to her. They threaten that they don’t want anything to do with the wedding or the marriage if he goes ahead and marries me.
He’s so hurt by his family reaction and he doesn’t know what to do. I’d like to know if he wants to go ahead and marry me or do what will please his family, but I don’t want to put pressure on him as this is a very sensitive issue for him. I do not know how to behave towaeds his family as i’m very angry at them. How do you behave towards people who clearly do not like the idea of you. It’s unfair, now I have work extra hard just to win their hearts!
Post # 3
YIKES. That is a scary situation. THEY think he should marry someone else? when did it become a family decision? First of all, the marriage is about the union of YOU TWO. is family has no right to say these things. Disapproval is one thing, but blatantly giving an ultimatum to marry an ex or else? Not acceptable. His children "being used to" an ex girlfriend has no bearing on how happy your FI should be – his ex is an ex for a reason. Guess what, I have a stepmom, and I was used to my mom first. And you know what? I LOVE her now. Millions of families do this.
My blood is just BOILING writing this. This is something nobody should ever have to deal with, I am so sorry. Truly, you need to ask your FI point blank what he is thinking about the situation. I know he is hurth by this, but why should he give up his happiness for an out of line request? Hopefully he is more rational than his family and realizes that their request is completely, uterly, 100%, no questions asked out of line (I wouldnt say that unless he doesnt get it… thats just my angry Italian coming out ) And if they dont want anything to do with teh wedding or the marriage if you all go ahead, then they are abandoning their grandchildren and nieces/nephews as well. What does that say?
Post # 4
I know you are hurting but his family really needs to let him go. Perhaps the idea of him marrying his ex is because all they can think about are the kids. They probably don’t want too many mother figures involved in their lives. But I think of it this way, there’s a reason why she is an ex and there were obvious issues that led them to become each other’s past. I’m so sorry you’re in this position, you definitely do not deserve to be.
He needs to deal with his family on his own. It’s really not their choice to make and/or to give him that sort of ultimatum. That simply is just wrong. It should be his happiness too. If he isn’t happy then his children won’t be happy either. It just seems so unreasonable to do that to him. Have your FI talk to his family face to face, maybe there’s an underlying reason they’re afraid to tell him or something. And I hope your FI stands his ground!
Post # 5
I 100% agree with the previous posts. This is a decision between you and your FI, not his family.
I understand that they are trying to think of the children, but they should be more accepting of who your FI chooses to be his wife. It sucks that they aren’t more accepting of the situation.
Your FI definitely should be the one dealing with his family. None of us really ‘choose’ whom we fall in love with. I can’t see why his family should be deciding whom he should marry but it’s up to him to find out if there’s something more to the situation then they’re revealing.