- 2 weeks ago
This might be a little long but here goes- sorry if parts are vague, trying to keep people I know from knowing this is about them. Me and my hubby moved to the state we are in currently 2 years ago. We moved for a variety of reasons- cost of living as well as his father had a major surgery and he wanted to be closer to him. I liked his father, he was very sweet to me when we visited him in the hospital a few years back. So we moved away from my home state.
No one ever told me we would be supporting his father full time, for what seems to be forever. We moved in with his father who was staying in a rented house that some of his relatives allowed him to stay at. We figured we would get jobs and get our &@*# together and go on and move into our own place pretty quickly.
We get there and come to find out FIL doesn’t work anymore, can’t afford anything, and only gets whatever the state sends him every month (disability). Little by little the bills he did split with us initially became less and less and less until the present point where we pay for absolutely everything in the house. FIL only pays for his car insurance and phone.
Also, the nice sweet man I met at the hospital was no longer- as soon as we showed up he became rude, nasty, made comments about how I don’t cook or clean enough, tried to make comments about how my husband must pay for everything and I don’t do anything– what world is he in? We both work full time, and I work more hours in a more physically intensive job than my husband does. After months of this, my husband did step to him and let him know the only person not doing shit or paying for anything in the house was him, not me. This seemed to fix his attitude and he no longer makes these types of comments to me.
So essentially we pay for everything in the house, meanwhile are crammed into a guest bedroom while he has the master bedroom with walk in closet and private bathroom to himself and his 2 small dogs. We have been crammed into a tiny room paying all the bills for 2 years. He never once offered to switch rooms with us. The thing that really irritates me is that there is an addition built onto the house that is very large and self sufficient- it has it’s own bathroom, big huge closet, etc etc. You could put a kitchenette in there and make it it’s own unit, really. The only problem is that it is completely cluttered and full of my FILs useless crap that he won’t get rid of.
Even though his FIL treats me decently now, I am just so sick and tired of this living situation. My husband avoids conflict at all cost and won’t bring up the fact that why the two of us are crammed into a glorified closet while we pay for literally everything. His dad hardly ever leaves or goes anywhere so he is around us constantly in this tiny house. I feel like we have no privacy whatsoever and whenever I bring it up my husband is like “well what are we going to do? Dump him on the street? He has nowhere to go. Why are you making this so difficult for me????? Don’t you know how much this stresses me out??” or will be like “Fine! I’ll go tell him right now to get out. Is that what you want??? And then wants to know why we don’t have that much sex. LOL REALLY??????? Maybe he’s cool with the bed banging around and his dad is down the hall or sitting on the couch, but I am not. Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband very much but he is not handling this situation well and I don’t feel it’s my place to approach his father about this.
His dad constantly talks about getting back on his feet and going to work. He is in his early 50’s and capable of working. At first I believed it, but it has been 2 years and I believe it less and less every time I hear it. And to top it all off, the relatives that own the house want to sell it to us for an extremely cheap price- which sounds good on the outside, except I have this sinking feeling that even if we did buy the place, his dad would still act like he owns the place, wouldn’t get rid of anything, would still stay in the master bedroom, etc. We cannot afford to buy a home and also pay rent/groceries/etc for his dad to live somewhere else. I want a place for me and my husband, I want PRIVACY.
The only compromise I would be willing to do would be to turn the addition into it’s own unit and tell him to live out there, but I don’t know if my husband can handle the conflict. I only just got married to my husband a few months ago and this is just a horrible way to start our marriage. Just don’t even know what to do. I know he wants to protect his dad and that it is a very complicated and delicate situation, but I did NOT sign up for this!!!!!!!!!