Post # 1
Well, DH and I went up to visit the ILs this weekend, and decided to fly up. Now, I have no problem with MIL, or any of the other ILs, but FIL is grating on my nerves. First off…he lives in Northern CA, but commutes (via plane) to Southern CA (where DH and I live) EVERY week. This means that DH (or both of us) needs to pick him up, go out to dinner, and entertain him AT LEAST once a week. Today, we both had different flights (out of the same airport) landing at different airports in Southern CA. Our flight got in 20 minutes before his, and I needed to go to work at 1:00 p.m. The whole time at NorCal airport…FIL was dictating to DH and I how we needed to efficiently leave our airport as fast as possible to go pick him up at his airport (followed by dropping him off totally out of the way elsewhere). It would be fine if we didn’t have to do this ALL THE TIME. Luckily, I was able to get DH to drop me off at work beforehand. I just felt angry that we had to totally rush and alter our plans to accommodate him (we landed a little early and I would have had time to go grab some lunch or something before work if DH didn’t have to RUSH to go get FIL.) I probably sound like a princess, and I don’t mean to, but it is just tiring going out of our way, canceling plans of our own, etc.
I also have more to gripe about re: FIL. He was a complete JERK almost all weekend that we were up visiting. Most of DH’s family lives in the same area, so that meant that a lot of people were coming over to visit us. (Brothers, sisters, niece, nephew…) MIL loves entertaining and was just happy to have everyone around, but FIL was totally anti-social and even rude to everyone (at one point, he made her cry.) Most of his gripes were about disruption of his routine, which (ironically) is what he does to us ALL THE TIME!!! I’m not even sure of how to deal with it because I am seriously growing to hate this man. DH and I have had chats about him before, but it’s just hard talking to him about his dad. I know I have to deal with these things delicately, but I’m just starting to feel like I can’t be delicate any more.
Are there any seasoned bees out there who can offer suggestions for how to deal with a FIL like this? I’m running out of steam.
Post # 3
@frustratedbridetobe: I can relate…I really don’t care for my FIL, at all….he is a pompous, pious, controlling and outdated relic who does not translate well to these “modern” times and ways.
Talking to Mr. 99 about it accomplishes nothing, I can dislike him all I want, the fact is he’s the father of the man I love, that earns him MY love, and expecting my complaints about his father to glean anything other than awkwardness and fights between us, is folly.
So…I decided that the relationship I had with my FIL was a two way street and he was going to get what he gave from me…and what he gave me was disrespect, controlling behavior and snide comments about how I choose to live my life…so that is exactly what he got back from me…and guess what?
He knocked that the hell off and quick.
If your DH wants to re-arrange his weekly schedule for his Dad, that’s his choice, but you shouldn’t have to and are under no obligation to cow-tow to his demands….I would just cease to be a part of this silly commute and refuse to ignore any bad behavior on the part of this man, he may be your FIL, he still has to be a gentleman.
Post # 4
@Nona99: Yeah; I have kind of gathered that I can’t really vent to DH about FIL. I just wish that DH would tell his dad to back off a little. He’s creeping into my/our life too and it is annoying. I guess this is the “fun” part of being married.
Post # 5
Is your H at least on the same page about not doing the silly commuting business anymore? I mean, your FIL is a grown man, and if he’s traveling for work they should pay for a car service/taxi/rental car. If your H wants to keep catering to him, then let him but you don’t have to.
Post # 6
I really think the answer here is for your FI to get on the same page as you and talk to his dad about this everyweek routine and how hard it is on you guys. Once a month? Easy peasy. Once a week? No freaking way!
DH needs to discuss this with his dad and dad needs to rent a car at the airport.
Post # 7
@oneofthesethings: My DH is one of those people who just wants to please everyone. He’s basically a saint…really one of the nicest people I know. I can tell that he gets frustrated sometimes (who wouldn’t if you have to drive through rush hour traffic for an hour in SoCal?), but he just does it. I don’t go with him every time, but I can tell that DH likes it when I go (because I’m more of an extrovert than he is, and I distract his dad from launching into full interrogation mode.) He (FIL) is just one of those totally exhausting people, and (especially after a long day at work–I am a paralegal) sometimes it is just too much.