Post # 1
we can’t decide if we should invite my FI’s dad’s gf. They’ve been together for 4 years and have lived together for almost as long. However, MIL hates her, we’re also pretty sure she was ‘the other woman’ although my FIL denies it. We only actually met her this past year for the first time, and she’s since had us to her house a couple of times for nice dinners, as well as been generous with gifts (xmas, birthday, etc). We don’t want to hurt my FIL by saying his gf can’t go, but also don’t want to hurt my MIL either. and really don’t want to start any drama.They got divorced in 2010 but were separated since 2009. Our wedding will be late 2014 so it will have been a solid 5 years by then. My MIL has been adamant that she is going to bring a date so we’ve allowed her a +1 as well as letting her bring a few friends. However, I feel like it is a lose-lose.
what is the proper etiquette? What would you do?
Post # 3
They’ve been together for a long time, you should invite her. Just talk to everyone and make them understand that they are to be on “party manners” and they don’t have to sit together. If anyone involved is not able to be an adult about it, they’re free not to come. That’s how we had to deal with the situation for many awkward family shennanigans including divorced parents.
Post # 4
@MrsPhilly: I’m not sure what the proper ediquette would be but my first reaction would be no, absolutely not! do not invite the other woman…but after reading and thinking about it i would say yes invite her…shes a part of FIL’s life and years have gone by, plus if MIL is bringing a date, then why not! She can be there with her new man and not even pay attention to the other woman…but on the other hand..I would ask MIL how she would feel about it…because in all reality, FI’s parents’ new partners arent really important…just his parents..sorry I keep jumping from one side to another lol…that is a hard decision…good luck 🙂
Post # 5
If your MIL is allowed to bring a random date, then I definitely feel that your FIL should be allowed to bring his long-term live-in partner.
Post # 6
She should definitely be invited IMO.
Post # 7
@MrsPhilly: I say invite the girlfriend. Surely your fiance can ask his parents to put aside their past and feelings toward each other for the one day that happens to be the most important day of his life?
Post # 8
@MrsPhilly: She is his live in partner. Regardless of how she may or may not have started out, he has chosen her. They are a social unit and must be invited together.
Post # 9
@MrsPhilly: If MIL brings a date, then FIL definitely gets to bring his GF. At some point all involved (FIL, MIL) need to look beyond past hurt and celebrate the day of your wedding. The day is about you, your future, and your joy.
Post # 10
If MIL is bringing a date AND it’s been 5 years, I think FIL should be able to bring his GF!
Post # 11
You can’t allow MIL to bring a randomer and ignore FIL’s long term partner, especially as you have already met her!
Post # 12
Let him bring her. How would you feel if you FH was invited to a wedding and you weren’t but his sibling’s flavor of the week was invited? It would feel crappy.
Post # 13
thanks for the input. I feel strongly like she should be invited. its been a long time, shes had us in her home on more than one occasion. she wasnt invited to BILs wedding but thats bc it was 2 years ago, we had never met her yet, and it was a destination wedding so that would have meant subjecting MIL to her for 7 days…it was too soon. bbut MIL is already upset about some of FIL’s siblings being invited bc they were estranged for many years. but we let fil make that call. lol when we told her it was FIL’s call she didnt think it should be lol. Iim just worried that if she reacted that strongly to extended family invites, im nervous to how shes going to react to the gf. we sent her the guest list tonight which just has FIL+1 written….anxious to hear back from her :$
Post # 14
I would absolutely invite your FIL’s long term, live in girl friend.
Make sure to seat them on opposite sides of the room.
Post # 15
I think etiquette would stipulate you should, given she is a live-in partner of a number of years. And also given your MIL is going to bringing a date as well. My view is that either both parties should be allowed to bring plus ones, or neither are.
FI’s parents are divorced (messy, bitter, adultery was involved) and we decided from the outset that his father wouldn’t be allowed to bring the other woman (who is still married, mind you). Part of this is because we know his mum wouldn’t be bringing a date, and it would just be too traumatic for everyone involved. As it turns out his dad isn’t coming to the wedding, so I guess that solved our dilemma!
Post # 16
@MrsPhilly: If his father has been with that women for so long it would be very rude not to invite her … its their job as parents to play nice for big evens (births weddings and when people are sick or pass away) thats on them to act like grown ups no matter how un happy they are with each other
those people love him and if its even more rude if you allow her a date but not him if you dont let him bring a date she should not either