Post # 1
So my FI’s parents have offered to buy us our wedding bands…. does that seem weird to anyone else? They wanted to contribute to the wedding and have weirdly decided this is the best way to do that. I asked FI if they were going to pick them out or if we could send them pictures of what we wanted and he called his parents who sent an email with a link to a very simple white gold wedding band.
That said, I don’t want anything fancy with diamonds, etc but my engagement ring is an antique with an odd setting (large emerald cut). A custom band would have to be made for it to fit together. Should I just suck it up and wear the engagment ring on the right hand after the wedding so that a simple band would conflict with it? Or should I approach the in-laws?
Thanks and sorry for the long post!
PS. First time posting on the hive and I so appreciate how polite and well-meaning everyone here is!
Post # 3
This would make me uncomfortable. Maybe it’s because my FMIL and FFIL already tend to take over parts of our life, but I feel like if it’s your wedding bands, those are almost like gifts to each other. I wouldn’t want anyone but myself and my FI to pick them out.
I think that it’s very generous that they want to contribute, but maybe you could ask them to contribute elsewhere….music? flowers? anywhere else?
I think you definitely need to find a way to communicate this to all parties involved before a purchase is made, or you may run the risk of regretting not speaking up every time you look at your wedding ring. It doesn’t need to be an argument, and feelings don’t need to be hurt. You’d just have to find a way to tell them so that they understand…
Post # 4
According to etiquette – the groom’s parents are supposed to pay for the wedding bands (Mine certainly didn’t!). So while it may seen strange to you, perhaps they are trying to follow tradition.
That being said, just because they are paying for it does not mean they get to pick it out. If I were you I would pick the one I wanted (likely a custom ring it appears) and tell them that you have ordered it and it will cost X amount of dollars and that if they want to generously reimburse you, then great, if not, you are willing to cover the costs yourself.
Post # 5
Interesting about the tradition! I never would have thought about that.
Thanks both for the suggestions. I really appreciate the opinions.
(Now to go change my screen name!)
Post # 6
Wow, I had no idea about that tradition. Hmm…still it doesn’t sit well with me. Although I am biased because I’ve already had to get on my FI about talking to his mom about not cleaning our house every time she comes over. Don’t even get me started! 🙂
Post # 7
Hi! Welcome to the hive!
I think its very generous that they would offer to help out– perhaps they are looking for a long lasting, sentimental way to help out (meaning the rings will last much longer than the flowers or the DJ). That being said, I think that you could manage a way for the gift to be financial, but that you would still pick out EXACTLY what ring you want.
I would probably pick out the rings (his & hers) that you guys want, and then have your FI talk to his parents about the rings. They can either purchase both of them for you guys, or they could put down a certain amount and you and your FI could pay for the rest, if they are more money than they anticipated spending.
Regardless, it doesn’t sound like are trying to impose or be forceful with it– it just sounds like a very nice contribution to your wedding!
Post # 8
I wish mine would! One less expense for you! As long as they let you pick it out, say yes!
Post # 9
Since they seem to think that paying for the bands means that they go to choose the bands, I would decline the offer and just say "thank you so much for the generous though but we would like to pick a wedding band that fits better with my e-ring so that they sit flush together". If they are gracious, they might realize that they erred in thinking they should pick the band for you and say "well we’d still be happy to pay for it if you picked your own design!" Be careful though, they probably won’t offer if they are on a tight budget and they are worried that the one you pick will be out of their price range. But definitely don’t settle…you will be stuck with this ring forever so make sure it’s something you like!
Post # 10
I wouldn’t make a concession in this department. You are going to wear those rings for the rest of your lives so they should be exactly what you want.
I would tell them that you had already actually picked out the rings that you wanted and that if they would like to send the amount of money they feel comfortable with that you will give it to the jeweler. Or that you can give them the jewelers name and address and they can give the money directly.
that is really a sweet sentiment but jewelery is a very personal thing. I can’t imagine having someone else picking out a peice that I’m going to wear every single day. It’s one thing to get a funky sweater for Christmas from your inlaws that you have to wear once. It’s another to get your wedding ring.