Post # 1
**This is also open to any other cultures who have something similar of a tradition that they too have modified a bit to fit their lifestyle now..**
I got engaged over the holidays and we are planning all the events leading up to the wedding.. Here where we live, there are 3 pretty obvious and expected events for any culture.. The Wedding Shower (Bridal Shower but with the groom and groom’s side present as well), The Wedding Social (a fundraising party with door prizes, silent auction and 50/50 with music and alcohol lasting anywhere from 8pm to 1am) and the Welcome Party(for out-of-towners)/Rehearsal Dinner…. But being filipina-canadian… other family members including cousins and such, also prepare for something called “The Pamanhikan” which is a tradition where the groom’s family comes over to the bride’s parent’s home and formally asks/introduces themselves to one another. Usually the groom brings food. Not to be mistakened for the other tradition where the boyfriend (by himself) (secretly) asks his girlfriend’s dad for her hand in marriage.
I wanna know if there are any bees out there who knows or have done a more ‘contemporary’ way of doing the traditional “Pamanhikan”?! I’ve read online that some bride’s born and raised in North America forego this entire event. But i kinda like the idea of getting the parents together way before the wedding to get to know each other.. i know some families meet on a more casual less planned circumstance, but as for mine, this will be the first time both sides will meet. But my fiance and i are thinking of making it more “casual” and just meeting at a restaurant together so one side doesn’t have to feel obligated to bring the food.
Post # 3
- Wedding: May 2014 - Scottish Rite Cathedral (New Castle, PA)
@eena_banana: my FI and I live together so we hosted both sets of parents and we did the cooking. Both sets brought small things wine or a dessert but low stress since they weren’t hosting. would it be possible for you to host so neither side feels the pressure? I think meeting at a restaurant would be fine too! I know for us though we had most of the getting to know each other after dinner, my mom and FMIL helped clean up and chatted in the kitchen while FI, my dad and FFIL chatted over a ball game in the living room. 🙂
Post # 4
When my parents and fiancé’s parents and grandmother (he’s Vietnamese and I’m a Filipina) met for the first time, we just all met up at a restaurant. My fiancé paid. Both our parents are very traditional, but they didn’t mind having a casual lunch for their first meet up. We liked the fact that it was just the 5 of us and no other family members. It was more intimate, and we truly enjoyed the conversation…and food!
Do what you think you’re most comfortable with. I’m not sure where you live, but here in Southern CA, many couples choose to be more casual when it comes to doing traditions even when their parents are very traditional.
Post # 5
@smg5281: oh man, that sounds like the ideal outcome to my situation.. BONDING! i guess I really can customize and tweak it more to how my FI and I would like it to be. I guess i feel alot of pressure from my side because alot of my “traditional” cousins have gone that route. Im finding that alot of the events i picture in my head shouldn’t be as stressful if i didn’t compare them to the more traditional process some of my family has done.. It’s totally not me to be super traditional anyhow, but i know the importance of it. At the end of the day, they will still meet each other before the actual wedding day, which i think is the whole point of the “pamanhikan”.. Thank you so much, you’ve really helped me think about it more. 🙂
Post # 6
@bridetobee16: AHHH! I absolultely love that idea of just his parents and my parents. I have like 10x more family in the city than he does.. which is why i really stress out thinking about how that day is going to transpire! But the most important thing is for them to meet one another on a relaxed and inviting atmosphere. Thank you so much for your input!!! 🙂