Post # 1
We could use some advice. FI and I have been engaged for 6 months now, and our wedding date is in 15 months. Our budget was established by talking with my parents and deciding we’d split the bill with them (estimating ~$7k each, a hefty sum for us as I’m finishing grad school still). FI and I live in a different state than our parents, and we were going to ask his parents if they wanted to contribute to the wedding when we went home for a visit right after the engagement. Unfortunately, there was drama between us during the visit home, and we weren’t comfortable asking his parents at that time. And there never seemed to be a good time after that. And as those opportunities passed, we needed to start planning so we’ve since set a date, and booked a venue and a photographer using our own money for deposits. My mom is currently sending me money for some other upcoming deposits. We’ve been keeping them in the loop with planning to date, but they never mention $$ in those convos, and i’m afraid asking now will be considered rude, and thus painful.
I feel that it’s FI’s place to ask, but he tends to unintentionally say things that PO the FILs. Please help! Is it too late to ask the FILs if/what they want to contribute? How should we bring up the subject? How did you do it?
Post # 3
I was in the exact same situation. I never ended up bringing it up but about a month ago- 4 months to the wedding- FMIL offered to pay for the flowers, which comes out about equal to what my parents contributed. I just was sure to keep her up to date on all plans and I think that encouraged her. Good luck with everything!
Post # 4
I would think that if they knew about the wedding and wanted to contribute they would offer to do so. I don’t think there is any polite way to ask someone to help you pay for your wedding, but if you want to try, I would definitely have your FI do it, since it is his family.
Post # 5
I would think they would have offered already, but seeing as they haven’t I would have a talk with your FI and let him know he needs to be the one to ask.
Post # 6
Ugh, I’m in this situation right now. Not so much about paying for the wedding… but the rehearsal dinner. My FIL’s are catering the wedding, and we want to know if my parents should pay for food and labor, or if they want to do it themselves. We’ve asked for about two months now… and as I’m typing this my FI texted me saying the finally said we just need to pay for labor. Finally! Still don’t know about the rehearsal dinner though… oh well.
I think your FI should be the one to ask. Just keep reminding him (like I did) to ask them. Everytime my FI asked, they jumped around the subject and said, “We’ll let you know sometime this week”. So be prepared to not have an answer right away.
Post # 7
I’d have a talk with FI and let him know he needs to have this conversation with his parents. We’re still trying to nail down the budget, and for the last week or two I’ve been prodding (he might say nagging) FI to talk to his parents and plant that seed of “Are you planning on contributing to the wedding budget? Think about how much you’d like to contribute.” He finally talked to them a few days ago, and they’re going over their finances to see what will work for them. I think it’s his place to talk to them, but be ready to wait a little while. Finances are not an easy thing to figure out.