FIL's are stressing me out about our destination wedding! I need advice!

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 4
Member
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@anon1234:  Stop answering her calls.

If she demands to fly down with you a nice “that will not be possible” will suffice. If she complains about the hotel remind her there is no room and your parents are GRACIOUS enough to give her money.

Hell, a free trip to Mexico?! SHe needs to be on her knees thanking your parents!!!

Post # 5
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

What a nightmare! I’d just have your FI say “All the guests are arriving on Thursday”, and that you’re leaving on your honeymoon on Sunday, so it doesn’t make sense for her to stay!

Post # 6
Member
534 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Your parents are being very generous in offering to pay for her travel.

However, it sounds to me like your FMIL’s feelings are hurt.  I assume based on your post that your parents are also flying down on Tuesday w/you and your fiance and that you’ll all be staying in a guest house together?  I think your FMIL feels left out of everything and probably wants to be part of the action the same way your parents are.

Now, should she stick around for your honeymoon?  Of course not, that’s silly.  But it does sound to me like she’s just trying to be more involved in the wedding.  Is there any way you can make her feel like she’s playing a bigger role in the day?  Or to help her understand she’s not being exiled to the hotel while all the fun is happening in the guest house?  Or to even rent a bigger guest house where she’ll have a room?

Post # 7
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think it’s kind of crappy that you will be staying with your entire family in one house with your FI, while your in laws are out of the loop.  I don’t care who’s paying, it’s just not very inclusive or welcoming. 

Post # 8
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I know PP! I mean it’s your FI and your wedding… There’s no need to get mad… all you have to do is not talk about it anymore… just ignore it.

 

Post # 9
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think you have plenty of valid reasons to just say no. She can’t come early unless she is willing to put herself up in a hotel early, not to mention you won’t have any spare time to spend with her to speak of if she DOES come early. End of story. She can’t control wether her ex husband bring’s his wife to the wedding. She will have to find some way to deal with it, the important part is that her son’s FATHER is at his own wedding, not wether his wife is. I’d tell her you understand how she feels, but it is what it is and we’ll all have to figure out some way to play nice.

Don’t placate her and the fit throwing, just say no up front, or say we’ll have to just deal with it, up front. And be done with the subject.

Post # 10
Member
2100 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@anon1234:  From someone that is having a DW totally against my FIL’s wishes. And dealt with the pain, rudeness and general meanness over it…

Have the wedding you want and need. FMIL will complain but will eventually accept it. 

Post # 11
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MrsTVLover:  It’s not really crappy if there is seriously no space.

My DH’s from another country and when we got married My parents offered them to stay in our house and they decided to stay in a hotel because they knew how stressful weddings can be AND they wanted my parents to enjoy the last days they had with me as a single daughter…

I just think the FI’s mom is a little controlling and also ungrateful for the help she’s getting…

Post # 13
Member
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@anon1234:  why doesn’t your FI talk to his mother about this? make him tell her no. if that isn’t an option…I would have your parents call her. It’s their money, they get the ability to tell her no and she might actually accept it coming from a peer.

Post # 15
Member
534 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@anon1234:  I understood from your first post that there’s no room for her in the guest house.  That’s why I asked if there was any other way to make her feel included or even to rent a bigger house.

I understand your frustration, but I really think her feelings are hurt and that she’s trying to be a bigger part of the day.  I’m not saying that she’s justified in asking to come earlier and forcing your parents to pay more, but from her perspective I think she feels left out and just wants to be a bigger part of your day.

I feel kind of sorry for her, actually.  She can’t even afford to attend her own son’s wedding and she’s being forced to rely on charity, and she’s being *treated* like a charity case by being told not to show up until right before the wedding, not being included in the family lodging, and not playing a role in the wedding.  I would feel like crap if I was her.

@MrsTVLover:  I agree.

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