Post # 1
But I am at work, so I will try to keep my cool. This is my first post here, and I really didn’t think my first post would be about my insane future in laws… particularly my FMIL and FSIL. They claim I am “excluding” them from the wedding planning. When I have tried to include them, they have acted like I was totally putting them out. I could go on for days with the things they have done, but I won’t bore all of you with that.
I just got off the phone with my FH and he asked me if I had picked a cake baker. I knew this question did not come from him, because he really doesn’t care about these things. He had lunch with his mother, I knew it was her who had asked. So he tells me that she had asked him. Well I have already told her who I was thinking about using, design, flavor, color, EVERYTHING! She just doesn’t pay attention and then tries to say I’m excluding her.
I know this seems like such a small thing, but this type of thing happens all the time. Just like with our wedding colors. I gave her pieces of ribbon, that had all of the colors. I showed her a DIY pomander that I had made and she was like OH? Are these your colors?? Like she didn’t freaking know.
Honestly she is just a control freak, and she can’t stand that she doesn’t have final say in anything, she’s trying to make me look bad. Sorry for this vent, but there isn’t much more I can take. We have already had a screaming argument over this. It has caused tension between FH and I. I’m at my wits end and I still have 5 1/2 months left to go… Help needed: How do I deal with her??
Post # 3
Aside from ear plugs….:) I’m kinda spitful so you might not want to take my advice. I would over include her and then tell FH what you have planned for y’all to do together. The cake for example I would call her in front of FH and talk all about the cake and nothing else, even down to what the baker looked like. Next time tell FH you are going to call his mom to go look at BM gifts and then call her (in front of him) to ask her to go. When you are with her and she offers a different opinion I would just be like oh yeah but I like it this way and then just smile. I would do this for everything even down to picking out what color you are going to paint your toenails. And for even more fun I’d make sure to do everything bright and early in the morning:) The fun part for you is to find fun ways to bore her to death… “Which do you like light pink or baby pink toenail polish?”, “I wonder should I buy brushed silver ear studs for the girls or shiny silver ear studs?”, “Should I wear nude underwear under my dress or white?”
Post # 4
That’s tough. My FSIL has complained a few times that we’re not including her in the wedding enough. She’s a bridesmaid for heaven’s sake. Apparently she wants us to call her with details everytime we get something minor accomplished. I’ve just ignored it and she got over it. However, with your FMIL that’s tougher, especially since you say FMIL has control issues. I’d have a talk with your FI and figure out how to deal with the situation. Perhaps both of you sitting down with her and letting her know that you’re not trying to exclude her.
Weddings tend to make people more sensitive (and crazy haha). Is there any way you can just ignore it when she says these things (especially if they’re not true) and just do what you want/need to do?
Post # 5
i agree with daisylynn, but be really careful.
my FI and i live 3 hours away from his parents (thank god…) that is where he grew up, and where we are having the wedding. since my future father in law worked as a DJ for many years, he knows all the restraunts, DJs, florists…ect.
when we initially started searching for a restraunt, i had asked him for some ideas. he started pushing for the place where his middle daughter got married (a good friend of his) which BTW is totally run down. when i decided to look at all of my options he got super offended, hurt, and totally negative. now everytime i bring up a restraunt he gets all huffy and puts it down. the food is bad, the place smells, that place is too exspensive!!!
his family is also very unorganized and last min…which is SO NOT my family. so now everytime i ask his mom if we can go look at bombonieri (wedding gifts for the guests), she says, NAW-there is sooo much time. we only visit once every 3-4 months for 2 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i guess what im trying to say, is include her in the stuff that you dont really care about. pedicure, flower colors, what readings to choose (if its a church wedding) stuff that you wouldnt mind letting her decide because you dont care anyways! I WOULDNT include her in things that you REALLY want to decide yourself, like the dress, your bouquet, or your bridesmaids.
could she possibly be spiteful because she’s worried about a brutta figura? (in italian it means a bad moment…basically looking bad in front of her guests)
good luck with everything 🙂
Post # 6
LMAO @ Daisylynn
It kind of sounds like she’s playing dumb about the things you already told her about. I know daisylynn’s suggestion is a little extreme but you might want to try it.
My FMIL made it clear that she wants nothing to do with the wedding (first thing she said when she found out we were engaged) and told us just to tell her a place date and time and she’ll show up. She has tried to put in her two cents but I won’t allow it. You said you didn’t want anything to do with it ( I know she ment she didn’t want to pay for anything but I am taking her literally).Actually both his parents really couldn’t care about the wedding, I wouldn’t be surprised if they forgot to come or showed up late.
Sometimes you have to do extreme stuff over include her, she probably won’t go and do everything with you anyways.
Post # 7
OH MY GOODNESS, I’m dealing with the exact same thing. FMIL who insists that she wants to be super involved, then completely ignores me and my family when we try to call or email her or ask for her input on anything. Then she complains to FI that we’re not “including” her enough! I’ve kinda given up on her lately… I know that’s a terrible solution, but it was just stressing me out so I’m trying not to think about it. 🙁
Post # 8
OMG I feel you on this one.
My FH is an only child and his mother was a single mother while he was growing up. Regarless of the fact that he hasnt lived at home in almost ten years, she is acting like im stealing her son.
I try my hardest to keep her in the loop with stuff but she always turns to my FI and asks him what he thinks….”this is your wedding too you know” …”i really hope that your inlcuding my son in these decesions…its not all about YOUR familly”…
WTF?!?! ….sigh… My FH says to ignore her…but these digs are startng to upset me…
Post # 9
@Oct919Bride, I’m sorry this is going to be OT, but I had to squeal because a bunch of my family lives in Victoria! I am originally from Yoakum. Hi!
Post # 10
OMG! I could have written that post myself, but would have include my FFIL as well! The 3 of them have been driving me crazy since we got engaged, and largely because we haven’t done anything, down to the proposal, ‘their way’ (FFIL actually told me last week that if my FH had asked him, he would have told FH to put a ‘condition’ on the ring that we couldn’t even discuss marriage for 8-9 months!) Basically I have cut them out of any involvement because anytime I tried to involve them they were either super negative or didn’t seem to care. It was the only thing I could think of to do. Since we got engaged they have caused much tension and fights between me and my FH – I can suggest, if you haven’t pre-marital counseling – our counselor was a dream come true! Still having problems with the FILs though – I actually called a ‘meeting’ with them (just the 3 of us) and aired my grievances in a calm manner. Didn’t change anything, but at least let me get it off my chest – maybe that will help? Good luck and hang in there!!