Post # 1
My parents have very graciously offered to pay for our wedding, which will be a very nice, but simple, family-only event. I am inviting 1-2 close friends and my fiance is inviting 3 of his friends. There is no bridal party. As it was our request to keep it as small and intimate as possible, my parents are not inviting any of their friends, only their extended family (which is about 50 people).
My fiance sent a copy of the guest list to his parents for their approval, and his mom told me she wanted to add three of her friends to the list. I have never met these people, my fiance has never met them, and like I said, my parents who are paying are not having any of their friends there. I have purposely limited the number of my own friends who are invited because I want to keep this as small as possible. I told my fiance to politely tell his mom it’s family-only. What do you think?
Post # 3
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@lestat: I think that’s fine. DH and I had a “if we’ve never met them they’re not coming” rule. I really don’t understand the parents of the bride and groom wanting to invite friends.
Post # 4
Honestly if it’s your parents who are paying for the wedding than FH mom doesn’t have a right to just be adding people. I would politely tell her it’s family only and keep it at that.
Now if she wants to pay for those guests than that’s a whole other story and can be dealt with accordingly
Post # 5
I think you’re being totally reasonable. If the people who are paying aren’t even having any of their friends at the wedding, then your FMIL doesn’t need her friends there, either. Just politely tell her you are sorry, but it is family only. You could even say something like, “My parents also had to forgo inviting their friends” to kind of make her feel guilty for asking in a polite way.
Post # 6
I agree with you. I had asked my FIL’s to let me know if there is anyone they would like to invite since we did the same with my parents.. my FMIL gave me several people, some we will invite and others we will tell her no. They are her friends that neither I or my FI have met, and that’s just not going to happen. I personally have no problem telling her no, bc if she were in my position she wouldn’t hesitate to tell me no.
Post # 8
@lestat: You’re making a reasonable request.
@mchitt329: I totally agree! FI and I are paying for the wedding ourselves for the most part. My parents have offered to contribute a couple thousand and/or pay for our honeymoon AND have not made any invitation requests Or requirements. On the other hand, FMIL has a guest list of people FI & I dont know plus no $ to find it. Even if she did pay for her guests, we wouldn’t want them there because we don’t know them and we would have to add more than just the cost of a meal per person (another table, chairs, decor, etc.)
Post # 9
Not sure how your issue relates to a vow renewal.
Your in-laws are being unreasonable and impolite.
I agree with the solutions other members have advised.
Post # 10
@lestat: I think you are being totally fair and reasonable – its your wedding and if you want a small, intimate affair, then by all means you have to make your guest list accordingly. I had originally tried to enforce a “if neither the bride or groom have ever met them, they are not invited” rule, and it started to give conflict. Long story short, I gave in. Now, I really really wish I hadn’t. Things spiralled out of control with our “parents friends” guest list, and now we have 23 people coming to our wedding we have never met before. So, based on my experience, my advice would be to try and be polite with them and explain your reasoning, but be firm with them that this is what you are sticking with for your guest list.